Your Weekly Antics Why the Turtle Shouldn't Try to Cross the Road Edition... 5-25-23

Don't look now kids, but Memorial Day weekend is upon us...It is now officially safe to bid the winter farewell and put away your snow shovels and rock salt. Pull out the mowers if you're not an over achiever and haven't already done so, along with your lawn and deck furniture; stock up on smore's supplies and get ready to enjoy the next few months of good weather - the reason why New Englanders put up with the other 8-9 months of crap weather the rest of the year is for the summer season, let's hope we get a good one. Here's what I've got...

1. Curious about this weeks title? Probably not, but you're going to hear about it anyway. Out and about doing some flower shopping with Sue Miller last weekend brought us to the sleepy town of Paxton. Once gathering the flowers that are now adorning Sue Miller's deck boxes, we decided to take Rte 31 and venture through Holden, taking the scenic route to get lunch at Quinn's. Little did we know that this scenic route would soon be the scene for a series of unfortunate events, but I digress...

2. Travelling on Rte 31 at normal speeds, I see something in the road I assumed was trash. Upon approaching and closer inspection we observe that this object was not trash, but instead a tiny turtle attempting to cross the road. Luckily the little bugger fit neatly beneath my car unscathed and in my rear view mirror I observed he kept it moving -continuing on his quest over the yellow line to get to the other side of the road.

Exhibit 1, lucky 13. Perhaps that should have been painted on the back of our turtle friend, read on...

3. For those of you who know me know - for me to keep on driving and not attempt to assist this little bugger is a bit unlike me. I kept repeating my latest mantra in my head, it'll be fine, we can't save everything and kept on driving with french fries and an Annie's Chicken Avocado Wrap on my mind. How long did this last you ask? Just until we got to the Welcome to Holden town line and I was turning the jeep around. Sue Miller in tow, now repeating herself telling me that I'm crazy, and let the little guy do his thing. I couldn't help myself, there appeared to be an unusual amount of traffic on 31 for a Sunday at that time of day and I thought, maybe my soon to be BFF could use my assistance in completing his quest to get to the other side of the road. Off we went.

4. Driving back up the hill making a master plan in my head to assist my tiny turtle friend, I was thinking...where's his Mother? Did she leave him behind? Where are his other tiny turtle friends, don't they practice the buddy system? What's so great about the other side of the road that has this guy so jacked up he's using his tiny little legs to try walking over there? Didn't anyone tell him that he's a turtle and speed isn't exactly his thing?

Exhibit 2, Sue Miller in her Swiftie gear...

5. Funny what can happen in a matter of just a few minutes people - I'm sad to report that my soon to be reptilian friend did not make it to the other side of the road. He did in fact get picked off by another passerby and made his way over the rainbow bridge instead. Sorry buddy, I told you to go back, people suck.

Exhibit 3, flashback to the middle kids favorite remote control car that also didn't make it to the other side of the road.

https://www.fws.gov/story/tips-helping-turtle-cross-road

6. Spring is the season when we see nature at work - grass is green. Flowers are blooming. Temperatures are heating up. The spring brings out all types of wildlife that we are often not aware of or don't notice until those creatures are smack dab in front of us. We eventually ended up at our destination, Quinn's, where Sue Miller and I went to get some lunch and to harass the less funny, less good looking Miller sibling and told him our tale of the unfortunate turtle. He responded with his tale of the mother duck and her ducklings that he saw crossing rt 146 - same story Al told us earlier. What the hell is happening? Don't these unfit Mothers know to keep their kids out of the road? And maybe they should keep them off the roof too....

https://www.cbsnews.com/boston/news/brookline-rooftop-geese-rescue/

Exhibit 4, The original Best Dad Ever, and sharer of all bad Dad Jokes, The Man.

7. Word to the wise...just because it's getting warm out doesn't mean that one should embrace nature like our woodland, feathered and reptilian creatures, and put your housing search on hold - it's only going to be warm around here for a few months people, but what do I know? Help me, help you.

8. Boston is beautiful in the spring, the streets full of walkers and bicyclists. Walking along the Charles one may come across a Geese and her goslings. Cute and fuzzy little critters, right? Don't make the mistake of getting too close to them to get a better look - those Mother Geese are crazy and will take your hands off. Look from afar people, you're smarter than that...

9. Parenting - who are the best Dad's in the world you ask? These guys, the world's best Dad's. Although they are the best Dad's, no doubt about it, don't let them fool you in to thinking that they were just taking one for the team and providing escort and supervision to the Taylor Swift concerts. These guys are true Swifties and enjoyed the show as much as their daughters did...we have video proof of that. Exhibit 5, Coach Dave and the now infamous gold suit.

That's right people, Coach Dave has gone viral....

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTREpcupr/

10. We'd like to publicly thank Harley who continues to protect our yard from all woodland creatures at our expense. New to her bag of tricks, if those little bastards are going to hide in the drain pipe, she will rip it right off the side of the house, bring it to us, and expect us to be happy about doing what she believes is her duty. Exhibit 5, the aftermath...

And last but not least - go with your gut people - if you don't, someone may get squashed.

Have a great weekend!