Your Weekly Antics...Who Killed Gary Edition...6-30-2022

Well kids, it’s summer. With summer comes hot days, blazing sun and frolicking at the beach. Some frolic successfully, some do not. Let me tell you about Gary. Gary’s a Snail who spent his days living in and commuting to and from the oceans floor with his moon shell on his back. He should’ve stayed in the water or under the sand and perhaps he would have been able to have a nice long hot summer perusing the oceans floor instead of being snatched up by a seagull, aka, rats of the sea. Let’s talk about the different scenarios that could have lead to Gary’s demise. RIP Gary. Here’s what I’ve got…

1. First Scenario…This poor guy was going about his business frolicking in the ocean when he probably got carried away with himself, thinking he was invincible and decided to try his luck on shore. He took that final wave that carried him to the waters edge and meandered around, breathing in the salty air and basking in the sun a little too long instead of getting his ass back in the ocean. While distracted by natures beauty that is the Atlantic Sea, he strayed a little too far into the warmer dryer sand and perhaps decided his shell needed a little vitamin D. He may have dozed off soaking in the rays and before he knew it, was being scooped up by a Seagull or 2 at which time he met his untimely demise and BAM! No more Gary.

2. Second Scenario…Along comes the middle kid, going about her business, also soaking in the early morning sun while enjoying the salty air. Taking a few quiet moments to herself before the craziness of the day begins. Wandering along the oceans edge, RG stumbles upon this unique moon shell, picks it up, and carries it a long with her for the remainder of her walk. Was Gary still alive at that point? Who knows…we’re not marine biologists here at the Antics, we’re just guessing. Gary makes his way back to the Kap Pack beach set up, is left sitting on the armrest of a beach chair in the hot sun. Let’s hope Gary had already taken that final wave washing over the rainbow bridge before his remains baked in the hot summer sun. Again, RIP Gary.

3. Third Scenario…Moon snails are mollusks, they’re predatory, grazers and scavengers and are also Cannibals. Perhaps the other Moon Snails got sick of Gary’s shit and did him in. Just a thought.

4. Fourth Scenario...Maybe Gary was snailing a long one day and was plucked from the sand. Now Gary's not too bright...he thought he was one of the oceans chosen ones and was being extracted from the ocean and the sand to live a life of glamour and leisure from a store front window in an oceanside gift shop. He had big dreams of regular upgrades of synthetic hand painted shells while being served three square meals a day in his new climate controlled apartment with unlimited access to Netflix and free wifi. Wrong again Gary - that climate controlled apartment was actually some kids sand bucket full of sand, water and a variety of beach finds - Gary may have fallen victim to the wave created in that little kids pail as he made his way back to his Mom's car after a long day at the beach. Now poor Gary's been displaced and was spilled over on to the street. Just as he almost makes his way back to the sand he's picked up by a seagull - again - because seagulls are everywhere when you live at the beach. Peace out Gary.

5. We've pretty much come to the conclusion that no matter the scenario, Gary wasn't getting out alive and this was most likely due to his worst enemy besides kids, Seagulls – let’s revisit the rats of the sea shall we? They’re scavengers and when not bothering the likes of Gary and his kin, they’re waiting for the unsuspecting beach goer to look away, ever so briefly, so they can swoop down and snatch that snack right out of your hands. You know there’s one at every beach – that guy who opens up his big ol' family size bag of Lay’s Potato chips, over stuffed Italian sub, both open and ready for the taking, then leaves both unattended right on his beach chair while he strolls down to the water to wash off his sandy hands. He’s barely made it 10 feet when Stan the Seagull and his gang of feathered thieves swoop down, destroy that grinder and take off with that bag of chips like they just hit the lottery. Let that be a lesson to you – seagulls, like squirrels, are shifty and can’t be trusted. When at the beach, never take your eyes off your lunch.

6. Seaside confessions – oldest Kap kid – Al, "Meri, I like your sweatshirt." Sam, "You should, Meri used the money Mom gave her to buy herself that sweatshirt instead of your Father's Day gift..."

7. Now you regular readers of The Antics know that the youngest Kap kid is smarter than that. She knows better than to financially exploit her Mother because let's face it, she knows where her Mother works and she's heard the stories. So, the info in #6 is not entirely accurate. The cash doled out to the youngest Kap kid may have been used for something other than its intended purpose, but she had in fact already made her Father's Day purchase as the result of the keen eye and good advice of Robyn Foley. Exhibit 1, Al's newest tshirt.

8. The Ocean can be friend, or can be foe. One minute she's calmly greeting you as you make your way towards her edge, the next, she's pummeling you in to the oceans floor when you least expect it. Let this be a lesson to you, much like life, never turn your back on the ocean, she's bigger than you and has been around a lot longer. Just when you think you may have outsmarted her, 9 out of 10 times you'll end up face down in the sand. Make good choices people, don't be a dope.

9. As if the premature death of Gary the Snail wasn't enough, the youngest Kap kid had no choice but to scour the beach for more of Gary's brethren to keep herself entertained, as she was tricked in to a walk with her brother. A quick walk soon turned in to a 3.5 mile walk and the kid wasn't impressed. She said she would have picked up more shells and possibly more of Gary's likeness had she not been so weak, tired and annoyed, that she stepped on most of them while trying to make her way back to our spot on the beach. Lesson learned...Sam, much like the Kap pack, needs to be walked at least three times a day. Meri has since mastered the art of making herself scarce when Sam is getting ready to stretch his legs. Sam at approximately 8:15pm Wednesday night..."Meri, do you want to go for a walk?" Meri, " Sorry Sam, I'm tapping out...when is Casey coming back? It's her turn to walk you..."

10. What do you do when your brother's up at the crack of dawn, working out and going for a run? You embrace the spirit of Gary, stay in bed and pretend that during the night you've lost your hearing. You snuggle under the covers and hide out as if you too were Gary thinking you are protected by his oversized shell - like Gary, this will be short lived because your Brother will be coming for you. Enjoy the sleep while you can kid.

And last but not least, make good choices people. Had Gary not gotten too big for his britches, he could've had it all. Instead, he underestimated the power of the ocean, thought he was smarter than her, let his guard down and ended up dried up in the bottom of someone's beach bag. Get it together. Don't be like Gary.

Have a great weekend!