Your Weekly Antics, What's Your Frequency Kenneth? 6/6/2025 Edition...

1. Even after working off a steady diet of ibuprofen and overcooked pasta for the past 10 days the tooth fairy and her little fairy friends continue to mock me. Every time I turn around a picture of the tooth fairy and some of her stupid stupid fairy friends pop up. Listen lady, we are not friends and will never be friends, that ship has sailed, keep it moving.

2. Robots continue to take over, just like my cousin in law Glenn said. I was out and about earlier in the week with the youngest Kap kid when bellies started to rumble and sustenance was required. To the nearest Chick fila we found ourselves and into their fancy well organized drive thru line we went. Pulled up to place my order with the young man who was standing by with his fancy ordering screen and card reader, when the jeep took over and started talking to us. Neither of our phones were plugged in to be charged and a womans voice started barking orders about where we needed to go and how and why she couldn’t help us. Heads up, I wasn’t asking for any help, all I was trying to do was grab a quick something to hold us over until we made our way home. It didn’t matter that we disengaged the blue tooth and then powered off our phones, she kept on talking, like I need one more voice in my life telling me what to do. She eventually shut the hell up and we were able to order our fries and overlarge diet Cokes and off we went. The poor kid taking our order looked a bit frightened and all I could say to him was, you’re scared? I have to drive home in this thing, how do you think we feel? The jeep is possessed.

Exhibit 1, this is the little jerk eating my flowers.

3. Got a call from the oldest Kap kid last weekend to inform me that he and Casey made a new purchase, a couch. With that couch came a story. The two were at Bob's in Dedham, happened upon a couch - a floor model at a reduced price, that was calling their name. When a salesperson presented himself, he had another couple with him who were interested in the same couch. The salesperson took the diplomatic approach and suggested the two couples flip a coin. Sam and Casey won the coin toss, and you would assume that would be the end of the story, of course it's not, otherwise I wouldn't be wasting your time. Before victory ensued, the wife of this couple informed her spouse that they were not going home with the couch due to his inability to pull the trigger along with a few other choice words, and off she stormed. Sam and Casey stood their speechless as the husband apologized for having to endure his wife's wrath. As the husband walked away to endure what was sure to be his last car ride home because his wife was either going to off him, dismembering his body and leaving his remains on the side of the road, or have him take a detour to a local divorce attorney, a quick decision was made. Sam and Casey chased the man down and offered him the couch. Couch crisis averted and Salesman what's - his - face finds the same couch, in the back, never having seen the floor, still wrapped in plastic, and offered it to Sam and Casey for the same price as the floor model throwing in the ottoman just because they're decent humans. Moral of the story, sometimes it pays to think of others and be nice. You may not always be rewarded with a new couch, but you'll be rewarded. Exhibit 2, Sam and the new couch.

4. Crazy Deb came to Sue Miller’s aid this week by throwing in her air conditioning before the hot weather hit. My mother would happily sweat her ass off all summer long, but the rest of us aren’t having it. It is 2025 Sue, get it together. You can still get fresh air with the AC on, as she would know because regardless of if it’s running or not, she’s still opening up her windows and keeping the back door open. I can only do so much. Exhibit 3, Deb, a local legend.

5. Kenneth, who is a Ken doll but who is referred to by his proper government name, had an incident of head lessness this week. Overly loved perhaps, or maybe his owner was taking out his aggression on the poor bastard, we’re not sure. All I’m sure of is this, this is one of America’s youth, probably going to run the county someday, so perhaps we should look in to the why’s behind this kid beheading dolls before he runs for office someday. Exhibit 4, Ken during morning meeting...

6. Regardless of being headless, Kenneth is still expected to attend regular meetings, circle time and lunch time. Kind of sounds like a regular day of work, in the real world, doesn’t it? Exhibit 6, headless Ken, but please note his change in outfits. You get it Ken.

7. It’s a sad day at Elder Services, with the exit of much loved, highly esteemed local legend Robyn Foley. Should you need her, she will be sitting poolside with her new birdbath flower fountain, a box full of cocktail recipes and a pool boy that some of her favorites took up a collection for. Look out Mike…that tall glass of water starts first thing Monday morning, rain or shine. Exhibit 7, Robyn trying to make a clean getaway while photo bombing Kelly and Angel's selfie.

8. Last night, sitting on my deck and minding my own business was myself, the middle and youngest Kap kids, and Lawn mower Joe’s counterpart Jen and favorite child Maeve. While we sat on my newly powered washed deck thanks to Al, talking and solving the world's problems, the Worcester Fire department, Worcester Police, EMS, and a city water truck converged upon our corner…all while Gibson and Loki sat hiding under the bushes in my yard. Watch dogs they are not, their only vehicle of interest to them being the city trash trucks…I’m thinking this may be so because the trash truck contains all sorts of disgusting smells that only dogs love.

9. Just to clarify, the five of us on the deck did not set fire to something, did not harm anyone, were not causing a ruckus, were not being drunk or disorderly, did not take it upon ourselves to open up the fire hydrant so we could run around and play in the water, so all emergency vehicles were not for us. Apparently, it was an underground pipe or sewer issue, who knows. All I know is it’s fixed, and they left.

10. You should all be informed that I was allowed to speak in front of important public figures today kids, and did so appropriately, professionally, and only referenced being locked in a rat-infested basement once, therefore it was a successful and productive day. Check out the ESWA page for photo evidence of my good behavior. Exhibit 8, Jen and Loki talking to their driveway friends.

And last but not least, have a great weekend! 😎🌻☀️