Your Weekly Antics, What Happens When I leave the Woo Edition ... 3-7-2024

Well kids, the forecast for the foreseeable future is this…rain, rain and more rain. Hope you all have an ark or a boat or some sort of floatable device to help you this week while you’re out and about in the world because it…is…wet. Here’s what I’ve got…

 1. Found myself doing the work of the people way outside of the 02 this week. When you grow up in the city, anything beyond Tatnuck square is considered the country. Let’s face it, for some city dwellers, even areas inside the city feel like you’re out in the middle of nowhere, and that may only be when you’ve gotten as far as the Worcester/Paxton line or if going in the other direction, Newton Hill. Until I worked at ESW, I didn’t even know areas like Hardwick, New Braintree, Old Furnace and Gilbertville existed and when telling someone who’s lived in the Woo their entire lives you’re going to those towns, they look at you like you’re nuts. You were where? Isn’t that out towards Boston somewhere? No friends, no it is not…it’s only right up the hill. And by the way, in the opposite direction.

2. When venturing out that way, I try to get my google maps all set up and working, and I’ve learned from experience if I really don’t know where I’m going, that it’s smart to screen shot those directions because I’m never guaranteed cell service out there. Every tree looks the same, as does every field and body of water. Not to mention I have the attention span of a fruit fly, so if there’s a good podcast on or something, then forget it. I’m guaranteed to get lost.

3. Another fun fact about heading out that way is limited coffee places and even more limited areas to hit a bathroom. Plan accordingly and dehydrate yourself the morning of so you don’t find yourself contemplating if you could get away with embracing your inner younger self and pee in the woods without getting yourself lost, trapped in a ditch, or pinched by the one local police officer who may be driving by.

Exhibit 1, words of wisdom from Matt Noponen

4. You forget that you are in fact in a rural area and not in Main South. So when you see what you think is a good sized black dog wandering on the side of the road, you do not have to stop, because 1., good chance it’s not a dog, and 2., if it is a dog, that dog is most likely not lost, but instead hanging out at the end of his yard or driveway that is placed further back from the street behind the area you assumed were woods. Keep it moving. No need to accidentally pick up a baby bear that you assumed was a lost dog. This will cause all kinds of problems for you, and the bear.

5. If you’re going to stop at every farm and yard you pass by that has horses and goats, you will look like a moron to the owners of the property as well as the animals. Those horses are judging you and saying amongst themselves, look at this idiot, she must be from Worcester, acting like she’s never seen farm animals before.

6. When you have Gibson, the Big Dog with you, he will hang his head out the window, rain or shine, not caring about the elements as long as he can suck in any and all smells available to him during this car ride out there. And yes, the horses think he’s an idiot too – an idiot pony is most likely what they’re thinking and asking themselves how he managed to be dumb enough to get picked up by this stranger driving down their street.

7. In my recent travels, like an epiphany, I stumbled upon a local coffee shop. Not quite sure if this was too good to be true, a mirage that presented itself right up over the hill and if I was hallucinating. But alas, I was not, and there it was, Mimi’s Coffeehouse. Not sure how I’ve been missing this place all these years, but the girls working there told me they’ve been around for 7 years. Seven years I could’ve been stopping there for coffee, and I just discovered it last week. Still not convinced I didn’t just fabricate this whole event; I went back to make sure. It was still there people, it is real. They serve up coffee, real latte’s, breakfast, lunch, baked goods, and dinner on Thursday nights. you name it. They even have guitars on the wall for sale and soaps made by a local artisan. If you’re out that way, check them out – you can even buy yourself a souvenir tshirt.

8. Pulling up to what I hoped was the correct address for my visit, I was met by who I assumed was my newest client, cooking something on the grill. This was at 10:30 am, so maybe he was cooking himself breakfast, or perhaps starting dinner early? In fact, I'm not actually sure if that was a grill or some kind of smoker, because I was advised before I was fully out of my car, to get back in it and keep on driving. Nothing to see here is pretty much the gist of what I was told, we try to keep it clean here in The Antics, so I'll keep all the expletives to myself. Don't have to tell me twice, happy burning sir.

9. After my visit where I was unceremoniously kicked off the persons lawn, I took a trip to the Hardwick Police Department. Google sent me to the department's former location on Main Street which is now Municipal offices only. Get it together Google. I was met there by a lovely woman who pointed me in the right direction, to Memorial Drive in New Braintree. Yup, the Hardwick Police Department is in New Braintree. Back in the jeep I went and found myself passing a home with Emu’s on their lawn. At least I think they’re Emu’s. I initially thought they were Ostrich’s, but the middle kid said they’re Emu’s. You know I stopped, of course I did, knowing my readers in the Antics would need photo proof of this find. What did I learn from this stop? Emu or Ostrich, whatever they were, they did not like me. I asked them nicely to pose for a photo, which they did, and while they were making noises at me, I informed them the feeling was mutual, because I like birds just about as much as they like me. Adios muchacho, I’ll tell your friends the Main South chickens you send your best. Oh and another thing...don't get out and head up the street...that dude is smoking stuff on his lawn, you could both be next.

10. Yes people, another Charlie Payson and Noah Foley sighting. Charlie's not only a celebrity in Worcester, but his fame has spread to Western Mass. With all of this air and screen time I say they put it to good use...

Payson/Foley 2024

Vote early, vote often

And last but not least, what seemed to be 5 hours and 100 miles later, no bears or dogs were accidentally picked up, no injuries sustained by unwelcoming Emu's or Ostrich's, friends made at the Hardwick PD, and coffee found, I made my way safely back down the hill to Tatnuck Square.

Have a great weekend!