Your Weekly Antics, Unless You're a Meat Raffle Lobster, Today's a Good Day...3-23-23 Edition

We are in the first week of spring kids…halleluiah! Staying light out longer, birds are chirping, snow is just about melted in most places anyway, and things are looking up. The neighbors you haven’t seen all winter are starting to venture out, maybe shovel those lingering areas of snow from their lawns to the street, I don’t know, to make themselves feel better, and itching to put out their lawn furniture. If you live on our corner you’re gearing up to start messing around with your neighbors universal tv remote – once the blinds and windows are open anyone, I mean Snow Blower Joe, is fair game. Here’s what I’ve got…

1. Girls golf season is back and the youngest Kap kid was back out on the green this week. A little breezy, but sun was shining. With that is our weekly public service announcement…For all you fair skinned people out there, it may only be March, but the UV index has already hit 5 on some days so start wearing your sunscreen. No need to have to cut your outdoor activities short because you didn’t practice regular sunscreen use. Take care of your skin people - no need to walk around all wrinkly and sun damaged. Get it together.

2. COVID shut downs are over as we know and most if not all businesses are back up and running returning to their normal functionality. I myself got used to being spoiled by some of the shut downs, one of those being court. I became quite accustomed to partaking in all court related activities via zoom for many reasons other than plain old laziness and being able to complete this portion of my job from the comfort of my own home. Let’s review all the reasons why I hate court, avoid court, and should not be allowed to participate in any court related activities unless absolutely necessary…

a. For starters, I am known to lack the ability to conduct myself in any kind of setting that requires sitting still, remaining quiet, and not engaging in conversation until called upon.

b. I lack the ability to find appropriate parking that doesn’t result in a parking ticket.

c. Having grown up in the same area in which I now live and work, many upstanding citizens who now claim to be pillars of our community are former juvenile delinquents…don’t try to pretend…I was there, I know who you are, what you did and where you’ve been…so don't get all up-etty with me.

d. Stairs…the stairs required to climb to get to the different floors in the courthouse are enough to keep me on the right side of the law. I have no interest in climbing those stairs or sharing an elevator with 15 other people.

e. If I wanted to go to court I would have become an attorney or chosen a life of crime. I’ve done neither…so read my affidavit and leave me out of it.

3. Driving through one of our surrounding towns after 3pm on a weekday I ended up behind a school bus dropping off that community’s youth after a hard day at school. This bus didn’t stop at a corner to drop the neighborhood kids off all at once, it stopped at every – single – house on that street. I will point out that this street had sufficient sidewalks, looking fairly new and in good shape. No walking hazards detected - no faulty sidewalks or curbs - no black holes that would suck these kids up in to the abyss…from a city dwellers view, the sidewalks looked safer than any sidewalk you'd see in The Woo. Worcester kids walk up hill, over potholes and unlevel ground through the treacherous conditions that are our city streets to get themselves to and from the bus stop...they're not dropped off in front of their individual houses. They're all dumped off at one stop every half mile or so. The bus comes to a slow role, pulls over long enough to kick those kids out and off they go back in to the elements without so much as a good luck and Godspeed, see ya tomorrow kid...they're scrambling off that bus before the door hits them on their way out. Here's what we've got to tell the fine kids of the Woo who suffer such inadequacies as displayed in the school bussing system...either we're trying to toughen you up, or we just don't like you that much. You want door to door drop offs? Move yourself on out to Upton.

4. Speaking of screwing up our kids…we may have talked about this in past Antics, but in case we have not, let’s review. The middle kid had no idea that the refrigerator had a light in it that would come on when the refrigerator door was open. Why you ask? Because up until she was about 7 years old, no one got around to replacing the burnt out light bulb until Colleen Guertin, babysitter/petsitter extraordinaire got tired of our laziness and changed it herself. We come home from vacation, the middle kid opens the refrigerator and - as God said, let there be light… it was like the dawn of a new day…the kid no longer had to find her juice boxes in the dark. It's these little things that are apparently my great parenting fails...my kid had no idea that there was supposed to be a light in the refrigerator. If that's the worst emotional scar I provide them I think I'm doing okay...

5. To go along with the theme of distorting our childrens realities...you go a long this parenting venture and you think you’re doing a pretty good job. Big hurdles come up, and although occasionally those hurdles may seem huge, you get over them. We try hard to teach them all the necessary tools they will need in order to survive without you – basic self care – following a balanced diet – hydrate – exercise – good hygiene – how to navigate difficult situations and how to be an overall decent human being. It’s the little things that are often overlooked such as what we spoke of in #4, but how about this one…the tea kettle. We've owned many tea kettles in my 24 years as a parent, and for whatever reason not one of them had a whistle that worked. We'd put the kettle on, check on it a few minutes later, it would start to steam, and we'd make our cup of tea. Never a tea kettle whistle to be heard in the Kap house until this past Christmas when I was gifted a new tea kettle and it was used for the first time. That thing started to whistle and kids and dogs alike had no idea what the hell was going on an thought the house was under siege. I had no idea that having a faulty tea kettle with non working whistles would be so detrimental to my offspring...apparently this too is another parenting fail.

6. Trash do’s and don’ts according to Sue Miller…

- You do not drag the trash can in which the yellow trash bag resides until trash day out to the curb.

- You do not leave said trash bag in that trash can that is supposed to remain on the deck.

- You do put the yellow trash bag on the curb right next to the green city recycling bin or Grammy and her 1000 feet of oxygen tubing will go to that curb and move it to where it's supposed to go, defeating the purpose of you putting her trash out in the first place.

- You do bring both the yellow trash bag and green recycling bin to the curb. Strategically place said trash and bin on the area of cement that is not quite sidewalk, not quite curb, but definitely not grass. If not done correctly, refer back to the above.

- You put nothing besides recycables in the green recycable bin because if the trash people don't take the bin you and the DPW are going to hear all about it until the following trash day the following week.

This is not news to any of us people and this is not the first trash rodeo that this particular Grandchild has partaken in on trash day. So why exactly did it take three attempts to get it right this week? Exhibit 1, 2 & 3...

7. If you haven't heard about the North High Boys Basketball team and their dream season, you've been living under a rock. An undefeated regular season brought them to the Division 1 Championship game last weekend where they defeated Needham High, making them the first Worcester city school to win a Division 1 Basketball title. Joe Okla, North's Junior Center is a friend of The Antics and we'd like to Congratulate him and all of his teammates for this accomplishment - all the blood, sweat and tears has paid off and you've done your families, your friends, and our city proud. You're all destined for great things on and off the court boys, keep being you.

For information on the rolling rally being held in their honor on Sunday 3/26/23, click here...https://worcesterschools.org/rolling-rally-for-north-high-basketball-team-on-sunday-march-26/

8. While the North High Boys were prepping for their big game on Saturday, I was with these fools at none other than a meat raffle. Unless you're from Worcester, you have no idea what that is. Meat raffles are just how they sound...you buy raffle tickets in attempts to win meat of all sorts...ham, turkey, a side of beef, hamburg, pork chops, you name it...occasionally there'll be some cheese and eggs thrown in to the mix. Most times meat raffles are held to benefit someone or an organization. I'm here to report that we attended a meat raffle last Saturday afternoon and Sue Miller is now the proud owner of a 15 lb turkey that cost her about $175 give or take a few bucks, but all for a good cause.

9. Now don't get all crazy...the meat is refrigerated prior to being put on a table for all to view in the event your number is called and you get to scramble on up there and decide what it is you'll be taking home. The meat is not presented to you in its original form - they do not parade cows or pigs or any livestock for that matter, through the VFW hall for all to see and for you to pick and choose how you would like Wilbur sliced, diced and packaged up for you. It is done in a much more civilized manner, all meat products are presented as one would purchase the same meat in a grocery store. This is Worcester people, we're not talking about some kind of cattle auction. Matt Noponen was not available to participate in this photo as seen in Exhibit 4 - he was busy entertaining and working the room...

10. Normally at these events there is a specialty table...the last table called that holds the golden nugget of the event. At some meat raffles this may be an alcohol table where all go a little bit crazy and get all worked up trying to win that last 6 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon like it's the only beer in production. This time however was the seafood table. A variety of seafood type items all up for the bidding. I'm generally not a fan of seafood, but I will admit I tried to win these little buggers because I had big plans for them, and for me. Helen being the good sport that she is caught this photo in attempts to get to know these guys and relay to them I had a grand plan in mind for their escape. I'm sorry, but I found it a bit messed up that there they sat, alive, on the table, awaiting their untimely demise before their actual final demise when they would meet their fate at the bottom of a lobster pot. Had I won, I planned on calling out of work on Monday and taking a day trip up to Maine to set these buggers free. Sadly my plan failed, they were won by someone else and have surely been eaten.

And last but not least...today is 3-23-23...according to the internet where we get all sorts of fun facts, consecutive numbers found in dates such as 323 can be good luck or considered bad luck, it's all how you look at it. Unless you're the lobsters in #10, I'd say you're doing okay - make it a good day people!

Have a great weekend!