Your Weekly Antics Things We Encounter on the Road Edition...6-23-22

Well kids, this past week certainly has not been boring. I’m here to report that the Full Strawberry Moon of June can skip a long and quit messing with the universe. We’ve had just about enough of her nonsense, interference and treachery. I don’t want to see the likes of her again any time soon, so get back behind the clouds and stay there sister I’m over your meddling. Here’s what I’ve got…

1. The Pandemic has shown how accommodating and flexible employers can be, and how we as a workforce have adapted; making the necessary adjustments to continue to do our work and keep the country running. Exhibit 1 takes working from home to a whole new level. Not sure if this is a bad omen but this is what I saw driving down 395 this week. If I ever regularly left a 60 mile radius of The Woo I wouldn’t find it so unusual that I see these things, but I normally don’t wander that far, my life’s not that exciting, yet here I was driving along side this spectacle. It's almost criminal the amount of material we could draw off this photo…Either this guy's taking advantage of being able to work from any destination he chooses, or this guy does not believe in you can’t take it with you when you’re gone, because not only is he taking it, but he’s taking it all, and taking it all on the road with him. Good for you pal, but as far as I know you can’t outrun death forever, so good luck with that.

2. More bad omens on the road. Driving a long, minding my own business, a giant hawk swoops down in front of the jeep barely missing the windshield. I know for a fact that the feathery bastard made its way safely across the highway mocking me as it went, snickering at me all the way. Minutes later while breathing a sigh of relief for that near miss and thinking he was in cahoots with all those stupid turkeys who get run over, another winged descendent of the dinosaur was not so lucky. Not only did this bird hit my windshield with force and precision, but did so while making eye contact as it met its unfortunate and untimely demise. I may or may not have been exceeding the speed limit on 395, and I will admit that I ducked upon impact. As we’ve mentioned in past Antics, I am no animal expert by any means, but I’m thinking if you have wings and manage to get hit and killed by an on coming car while you are in flight, you’ve got bigger problems than can be helped. That bird should’ve planned better and hit the hearse in Exhibit 1 instead of me. Not only was it not so bright, but also a poor planner. RIP buddy.

3. With the above said, I decided to google the spiritual meaning of hitting a bird with your car, or a bird flying in to your windshield - and there's all sorts of stuff out there...it's a bad omen, my car is cursed, I'm cursed, the bird (obviously) was cursed. I've offended the spirits or the Gods...well that wouldn't be the first time I've offended someone, so the internet is going to have to come up with something better than that. I've pissed off the ghosts and spiritual keepers of the highways... did you hit the bird and it lived? Did it fly away? Did it die on impact? In some cultures right about now they'd start to tell me I'm really screwed. Then there was one voice of reason who I am choosing to align myself with...of course it's a bad omen and a sign of pending death, for the bird... And again...they have wings...if anyone should be able to avoid a moving vehicle it's one who can take flight....

4. Preemptive Tums. According to Helen H. Bibeau one should have Tums on their person at all times, at minimum, kept in a zip lock bag for easy accessibility for yourself or your friends and loved ones should a Tum situation present itself. Got an opportunity to go last minute to indulge in margarita’s and spicy Mexican food? Here’s a tum. Too much coffee? Here’s a tum. Your heart is now in your throat because a bird just hit your windshield while you were traveling at 95 mph? Here’s a tum. Don’t let Exhibit 2 fool you people, she doesn't just look like a superhero, Helen knows all.

5. Hyponatremia, no, not the name of a superhero, but in fact a condition that is common in marathon runners. This condition occurs when the concentration of sodium in your blood is abnormally low, causing a variety of medical issues that range from mild to severe and can wreak all sorts of havoc on your body. What happens when you tell someone like Sue Miller the complete opposite of what she’s been told for years, and that she now has to decrease her water intake and increase her sodium? She says, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. What happens when you tell Mary Parenteau about this medical condition? Dipping sodium…that’s the big reason I don’t run marathons…Parenteau hasn’t been our fearless leader for 30 something years for nothing folks…she chronically speaks words of wisdom. You want to stay alive? No running marathons.

6. With the above said, we should be clear. Although super stealthy and ninja-like, Sue Miller does not plan on becoming a marathon runner, ever. This is of course because she has taken the sound advice from none other than Mary Parenteau - the knower of all things.

7. Trash wars. Continuing on our journey home one day or another this past week, we come to the stop light out in front of Herbies on Southbridge Street. Not normally driving that route and Al being a super stickler for rules and all things traffic, we came upon a yellow light and as the responsible driver he is, he stopped. Because he's a rule follower, and his stop was a bit last minute to accommodate the rules of the road and the yellow light that any other normal driver would’ve hit the gas and blown through, he found himself a bit over the white line - the line that is meant to be your end point to come to a full stop at said traffic light. A long comes a city trash and recycling truck that is now disgruntled and attempting to take a right turn on to Southbridge Street from his green light on Hope Ave. Al waves to the guy, apologizes, but is prohibited from backing up due to another car being directly behind him. The angry trash man in his big ass truck proceeds to continue taking the corner almost clipping the front end of the jeep, yelling and screaming at Al the entire time, all while Al is apologizing. Al may appear mild mannered and calm at all times - we all know his type, and let's not let those types fool us - these are the guys we should beware of. All while the trash guy is flipping out, Al recognizes him. While he's losing his mind Al is lock and loading the visual of this guy and all shades of red his face has turned, in his brain, as this is in fact the trash guy who comes to our neighborhood on trash day. You want to see passive / aggressive Al? It’s on friend, good luck and God speed. You've unleashed the madness upon yourself, I can’t help you.

8. It's a tournament weekend folks and naturally the days leading up to a tournament requires practice. Here are some of the more noteworthy remarks made by the youngest Kap kid...

- Practice is 8-9pm, that's past my bedtime (Lies... as she says this at 10:30 at night watching the demise of the Celtics...)

-It's gonna be dark and buggy. I'll get bitten by mosquito's and get West Nile and then no more softball for me...

- Uggghhhhh Mmmmaaaatttttttt

- there were more, but I stopped listening...

And, not for nothing, the youngest Kap kid is better off playing in the dark because clearly this kid and her fair skinned self have no business at all being exposed to the sun as her day time practice earlier this week proved. She better stay in Coach Matt's good graces - next year she may be requesting he enter the team in to a league that only plays after dark when the sun goes down...

#vampiresoftball

9. It’s almost the end of June and no offense to any of you basketball lovers out there, I am not sad that the NBA season is finally over. It doesn’t matter if you know people, the season still goes on and on and on…no better words were heard by me in the Kap house than Meri exclaiming in disgust…Get the sponges and soap – time to wash the floor with these scrubs…let's not get too excited...my sources tell me pre season starts in September...

10. Oodles of Noodles or Ramen Noodles? What do you call it? Growing up we always called it Oodles of Noodles and kids these days call it Ramen. This was the late night conversation had between myself and Helen – some people try to solve the worlds problems at that hour, but not us. This was a pressing matter. Who decided it’s no longer Oodles of Noodles? When did they stop printing Oodles of Noodles on the labels? Are Oodles of Noodles a different product than Ramen Noodles or are they being disguised by the Ramen name? Are they just Ramen made by different companies? Who was the marketing person who thought Ramen Noodles sounded better than Oodles of Noodles? ***Are these conversations had only when Helen is donning a blue ice pack eye mask on her face? What is happening??? *** Here’s what we found out from the internet where all information obtained is true and accurate. Ramen Noodles is made by Maruchan, Oodles of Noodles is made by Nissin…so, two different companies, similar products. If you're looking for Oodles of Noodles that began production in 1971, good luck. Maruchan Ramen Noodle, may be difficult to find also as many of their producers filed for bankruptcy no thanks to the Pandemic. I'm sure this is a pressing matter that you all feel required our immediate attention, so this is what we know...despite what you'd think, they only have a shelf life of approximately 2 years give or take, and once that time line is reached, this will not make them unsafe to eat, but will most likely negatively effect the flavor packet that is included with the noodles. And, you may want to make sure you've got some Tums if you plan on eating them.

11. And last but not least, what do you do when you can't make it to your friends early- send -off- to- get- ready- for- her- last- official- week -of- work- before- she- leaves- us- all- and retires- PS Unit event??? You photoshop yourself into the photo. Exhibit 3, who knew how tech savvy he-who- shall -not -be -named is...

Have a great weekend!