Your Weekly Antics, The Welcome Wagon Edition...6-19-25

Well kids, here we are. The Antics missed another week last week, thanks for noticing, but we're back and hoping to get back on schedule. For those of you who have today off for the Juneteenth holiday, we hope you're doing something good for yourself, or better yet, for someone else. For those of you who do not have the day off, sorry to hear it. For you Worcester Public School teachers out there, happy 1st day of your summer vacation and congratulations, you made it through another school year and can now hopefully enjoy some much deserved time off. Here's what I've got...

1. A few Sundays back on a nice day with the top of the jeep down, the Kap girls and I were cutting through downtown Worcester, coming home from who knows where. We came upon the traffic light that runs between the courthouse and the Palladium. It was a Sunday afternoon and there was some activity on Main Street, a few people scattered here and there coming and going, no idea where they were going or why they were downtown because let's face it, when, if ever, do we see pedestrian traffic downtown on a weekend. Anyway, at the traffic light, I look to the left and there is a group of three who stopped to cross and were doing so responsibly by hitting the pedestrian signal, or walk button if you will, and were standing there patiently on the sidewalk waiting to be alerted when it was safe to cross. Soon enough the walk signal lit up and with that a beeping noise that sounded like a flock of prehistoric birds or the common city goose being murdered, or at minimum, gathering together to inflict chaos on anyone in their path. The group, startled and taken aback by the noise, began to cross and while doing so, the man in the group asked us, what the hell is that? My response…"could be anything sir, welcome to The Woo..."

2. I know I've touched upon this topic several times in past Antics, but I'm doing it again. I don’t care what improvements have been made, Kelley Square is still chaos. It doesn’t matter what time of day you attempt to drive through it; drivers still can’t seem to get the idea of how a rotary works, never mind a peanut rotary which seems to only be adding to the chaos and confusion. Driving through Kelley Square this week at about 9:30 in the morning was no different, except that the traffic was backed up all the way before Polar Park. Before all the renovations, rerouting and improvements were made to Kelley Square, I don’t ever remember being stuck there in traffic. Perhaps that was because we all grew up knowing the best tactic was to close your eyes and gun it til you got to whatever side of the square you were trying to get to, and even if you didn't get across to your intended street, you made it work for you. Sometimes total chaos and anarchy work and people who are clearly more important that I am, should leave well enough alone. The Kelley Square peanut sucks…simple as that. #ihatekelleysquare

3. Gibson has been up to no good lately and has eaten several things he had no business eating. First, let’s start with money. That’s right, hard cold cash in the form of two twenties and a ten. For starters, who the hell ever has cash, so that was my first mistake. Second, I never manage to put things in a wallet or a bag, everything gets stuffed in my pockets, so one can assume the money fell out of my pocket, fell on the floor, and Gibson like everyone does when finding money in the wash, naturally assumed that meant the cash was up for grabs. Third, when your money gets half eaten, go to a local Dunkins or Starbucks and use it to pay for your coffee, they don’t ask any questions.

Exhibit 1, half eaten bills.

4. It's grill season. The Big Dog is not new here, but he treats all of us as he should, as if we are new to this house, to him, and his shenanigans. After a long hard day at work, Al came home to grill chicken for dinner for his appreciative family. Grilled chicken made, and in a rookie mood, said chicken was left on the stove for half a second while the wild beast was being let in and off to the kitchen he trotted. Of the 6 pieces of chicken grilled, Gibson ate 4, leaving 2 that would be his future meal because he slobbered all over them and left them on the floor when caught in the act of said theft. Exhibit 2, Gibson, with a belly full of chicken.

5. Some people believe that dogs do not have any concept of time or days of the week. This dog will prove those people wrong, as normally Thursday is trash day but has been held off a day due to the Juneteenth holiday, so trash will be picked up tomorrow. Gibson has been sulking in the yard, perhaps thinking we took the trash guys away as his punishment for his money and grill transgressions earlier in the week.

6. Yesterday was the last day of school for the Worcester Public School kids which seems hard to believe seeing as it hasn't felt anything like summer until today. Per usual, we have gone from from 50 and rainy to 90 something friggin degrees with humidity at 100%. If you don't have your AC's out, cleaned and in the windows, you better get on it. Today may be the last day to do so before you feel like you're going to spontaneously combust just sitting around.

7. When you come to visit us here in the 02, specifically on our corner, we cater to the needs and comfort of our closest friends. There was a Leah Hazard siting here last weekend and once we heard there was the possibility of her stopping by, the appropriate pomp and circumstance were put into action by way of a cardboard sign indicating there was a front row spot for her parking convenience. We’ll do anything to get Leah Hazard to visit the 02.

8. There were other celebrity sightings here last weekend, and for those who may have pondered the possibility that Lawn Mower Joe was a figment of my imagination such as Snuffleuffugas was to Big Bird, we have photo evidence of his existence, regardless of his attempts to be incognito.

Exhibit 3, Lawnmowing Joe. He was even available for photo's and autographs.

9. As I’ve mentioned in past Antics, we have a neighbor who has homing pigeons. In a recent conversation with said neighbor we were informed that another neighbor has complained to city officials about the homing pigeons, stating that they do their business on her car when flying over her driveway. I hate to tell this woman, but we have lots of birds flying around here, it could be one or dozens of the many birds she has living in her trees right there in her own yard. I’m not sure how she can identify homing pigeon excrement from regular bird excrement, but I’m thinking unless she’s some kind of bird poop expert, her energy, time and efforts could be put towards something a little more productive than complaining about harmless homing pigeons. Get it together lady, we have bigger problems here in the city…find something else to do.  

10. It's come to our attention that the Tooth Fairy is a bit sensitive, has a vindictive side and has taken it out on one of our loyal Antics besties. She's got dark mafia-like connections via the Gut Guardian who oversees the appendix. Research now shows that the appendix, once considered useless and a left over organ used by our ancestors to aid in digestion, may serve a purpose after all, providing our bodies with beneficial bacteria and promoting gut health, but is still not essential to keeping us alive. Like the red headed step child, the appendix's attitude can get a little out of whack now and then when he's feeling under appreciated and The Tooth fairy capitalized on his insecurities, stirring up all kinds of trouble for this follower because she herself had her nose out of joint feeling as though we've been spreading unfounded lies about her. With that said, she called in a favor to the Gut Guardian who promptly took measures to get the appendix all fired up, making him feel unwelcome and useless, resulting in his immediate and unplanned request for a quick exit. He knows when he's not welcome. The Tooth Fairy needs to start minding her business and quit causing problems. I stand by my statement that all we need is one of those fly zapper fly swatters and we can eliminate her and her meddling ways all in one swoop. ✌️out appendix. Don't let the operating door hit you in the arse on your way out.

    
    

    

    
    

    And last but not least, hope you're all staying cool over the next few days and enjoying the start to summer!

    
    

    Have a great weekend!