Your Weekly Antics, The Unhinged Edition...2-1-2024

Well kids, I hope you survived the first full moon of the year. As many of you moon followers and Antics readers can attest, the full moon wreaks havoc on many, but the week after the full moon can be even worse. For those of you who don’t believe in this stuff, good for you. You want to mess with the universe and act all high and mighty?

Have at it, I’m not feeling as lucky. Here’s what I’ve got…

1.Started the full moon week with a broken windshield. What started as a small crack soon grew and before I knew it, the little itty bitty crack made it’s way across the entire thing. Here’s a fun fact. When changing your wiper blades do not let the metal windshield wiper arm hit the glass or you’ll be calling Safelite Auto Glass for a windshield replacement. Got the Safelite song stuck in your head now? Good. Welcome to my world. Exhibit 1

2. To add insult to injury, it was a sad day here on our corner of the hood. Your first car, much like your first love, will break your heart when it decides it’s done. No longer could she safely transport the middle kid near and far, the Soob putted her final putts after 18 long, well lived years, being pronounced dead by our friends at Bravo Auto. The difficult decision was made to discontinue attempts at resuscitation, let her go, and allow her to take her final ride in style, over the metal gas fumed rainbow bridge that only good cars go to die. RIP Soob.

p.s. Bravo Auto has changed locations and is currently at the former Larry’s Garage at 1369 Main Street Worcester. Give Lou a call 508-363-2500 for all your car service needs. *** When he’s not eating the baked goods that other customers have provided him besides me, he’ll take good care of you.

Exhibit 2 The Soobs final ride…

3. Ah, the unhinged. Those individuals who were already living on the edge of crazy who due to the aftermaths of the full moon, could hang on no longer and toppled over onto to the other side of unbalanced. Those people have found me this week kids and are coming out in droves. I call Uncle. Seriously, enough is enough. If you can’t be nice, stay the hell home. And when staying home, stay the hell away from your phone. Give the rest of us a chance to recharge so we can more efficiently deal with the likes of you and your warped way of thinking. Better yet, lose my number.

Exhibit 3, to cheer myself up, I went and picked up these awesome stickers I purchased from my super talented friend Deirdre Wingell. Grab some to stick on your water bottle to remind you when you're rehydrating that not everyone in the world sucks. Check out Deirdre's Etsy Shop at etsy.com BotanicatWoo-Etsy

4. We have dogs. Dogs bark. One dog in particular likes to make his presence known as it is his self proclaimed full time job to protect us from nothing all – day – long. We have a fully fenced in yard so our buddy Gibson spends his days perusing the perimeter ensuring our safety from the wind, falling branches, the occasional stray leaf, squirrel ninja’s, passing cars, or what have you. If you walk your dog every day by our house it should be no surprise to you that he’s there. You can’t miss him and his big giant sized head, sticking up over the fence to greet you. If you don’t want him to jump up on the fence, don’t walk right up next to it. If you don’t want him to touch you, don’t put your hands over the fence, and if you don’t want him barking at you, take another route. Should you choose to partake in becoming his friend and pat him, expect to be drooled on, no complaints will be entertained. Common sense people. And another thing…this isn’t the only road that runs in and out of the hood. He  - is   - a  - dog.

5. Words of advice…when visiting Sue Miller and she insists that you fill your pockets with M&M’s, be mindful that your outdoor attire is a heated vest for your many adventures in the great outdoors. Handfuls of m&m’s do not fare well in the pockets of a heated vest, they will melt. Any question that the heated vests work can be proven by looking in Deb’s pockets.  

6. Gold fish crackers made by Pepperidge Farm, have upped their game and aren’t just the plain old crackers we knew as kids. Once only found in the foil lined 6.6 oz bags, they come in all quantities, bags and boxes. Originally stepping out of their lane and introducing different savory flavors, they’ve taken the sweet route as well, venturing into such flavors as chocolate or graham cracker. One step further and they’ve ventured in to the world of the “crisp” cracker. Here’s what I have to say about that. Please see Exhibit 3. The Goldfish Crisp is hollow, full of air, as is the bag in which it is packaged. You’re technically buying a bag, mostly filled with air, whose contents are air filled crackers...take your time, it may take you a sec to figure that one out. Long story short, you are once again, buying air. Hasn't anyone watched Dr. Suess's The Lorax??? Leave the Goldfish Crackers alone. Stay in your lane Pepperidge Farm.

7. We continue with the phenomenon of why can’t we leave well enough alone. Exhibit 4. If I wanted something that tasted like melon, I’d buy a melon. Why do we need melon tasting apples? It’s not that hard to find melon varieties in our local grocery stores…watermelons, cantaloupe, honey dew melon. They even come pre sliced and packaged for those who don’t want to deal with cutting them up and dealing with the seeds and the rinds or are just plain lazy. An apple’s an apple people. Why do we need an apple that tastes like a melon? If you want your apples to taste like melons, cut up a little of each and throw them all in a bowl - viola - I bet if we ask Andrea, despite news reports that someone was assaulted with a watermelon at a Market Basket in New Hampshire early in January, would still be willing to check at her local Market Basket this weekend to see what they have for offerings in their pre cut produce section. She loves a good outing at Market Basket and has been known to take a trip out pre snow storm even when she doesn't need anything just because it's fun.

https://www.nbcboston.com/news/local/person-attacked-with-watermelon-at-nh-market-basket-police-say/3236607/

8. A snow event on yet another Monday in January. With snow days and holidays the Worcester Public Schools did not have school on any Monday last month. For those offering their thoughts and opinions about why school is always cancelled here in The Woo, look at our roads. Main roads may have been fine, but the side roads were not and up until yesterday, we were all sliding past our driveways here in the hood. Sand and salt Worcester – we are the City of Seven Hills - we can do better.

9. Piggy backing on #8 , clearly our increase in taxes is not going in to the DPW fund. AND…don’t blame the DPW guys, they're not the ones making the decisions as to who gets sanded and who doesn't. Don't blame the call center, those people answering the phones taking calls of concern about the lack of sand on our roadways, it’s not their fault. They’re not in charge of delegating who does what. Those poor bastards are just stuck dealing with the nuts calling to complain. If you call, be nice. That’s what I did and my road was sanded within the hour. Thank you Debbie, you were fabulous - I’m sorry people suck. Exhibit 5, call 311 and be nice.

10. Exhibit 6, I’m just leaving this here. Andrea, one of our loyal readers got this as a suggested group to join on Facebook. At first glance, one would assume, as did I, that the page is intended for those who perhaps overindulge and may require support or an intervention when partaking in their next wonton shrimp. Read on and you’ll find its intention is to bring Chinese food lovers together, share their restaurant finds and pictures of their next Chinese food dish. I’m happy to report that Andrea is not a closet over indulger in Chinese food and does not require an intervention. If you look closely, you’ll see the group has 18,000 members. You know curiosity got the best of me and I’ve requested to join the group. Their number may increase to 18,001 if I’m lucky. I’ll keep you posted.

And last but not least…be careful kids, the next full moon isn’t until February 24th, but the recovery from this last one is going to take a while. Good luck and Godspeed.

Have a great weekend!