Your Weekly Antics, the Last Week of 2023 Edition...12/29/23

Well kids, here we are in the final week of 2023 and heading towards a new year. I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas and did what you could to spread merriment and cheer. Some of you may do the new years resolution thing, I try not to. Listen, my thoughts on new years resolutions are this…we all have enough to worry about, no need to set myself up to fail right out of the gate. I resolve to go about my business and hope for the best. Here’s what I’ve got….

 1. This week, I will resolve to try my hardest not to get myself banned from social media. One popular site whose emblem is blue and white with a lower case f, took down my last two posts. Naturally I thought this had to be in error, so I did what the site suggests and attempted to investigate this wrong doing, I tried to find the cause of my two most recent holiday posts being taken down and then banned from their site. The reason I was given stated, your message couldn’t be sent because it includes content that other people on the site have reported as abusive. Interesting…moving forward I suppose I’ll have to refrain from bad mouthing the Big Guy and his Elves, because who else could it be? I didn’t get coal in my stocking, instead, he had me banned from social media. So much for being jolly, I guess the man in red is not the joking type.

2. Did you all get what you asked for? I gave out one gift in particular that no one asked for but it’s survival of the fittest around here and sometimes you’ve just got to do what you’ve gotta do to get a good nights sleep. Let’s talk about the anti snoring pillow that’s advertised. I took a leap of commercialized faith and decided the head of the Kap pack could use one of these. Again, this would also benefit me and everyone else under the Kap roof who attempts to get some shut eye. This item claims to stop its user from snoring. The gift that one would think keeps on giving was, and is, a flop. Unless the correct use of this pillow is to hold it over the snorer’s head to prevent and stop snoring, it is a great – big – lie. False advertising people.  It doesn’t work and will be getting returned. Please note...don’t worry social media, no one was harmed during the trial period of this pillow. Everyone is still alive and snoring happily all night long.

Exhibit 1, a new photo to be placed on Sue Miller's mantel next to Deb's.

3.  Out doing my holiday returns, my jeep alerted me that my front tires needed air. I figured, I’m a grown modern day woman, I should be able to handle this task, so off to the Cumberlands Gas station in Tatnuck square I went. I pull in, check out the do-dad that gives you the air and think the last time I did this it was a coin operated machine and may have cost $1 in quarters. The price is now $2 for four minutes and takes a card. I put the card in, set up my tire pressure, am thankful that the chord attached to the air nossle is long and springy because I parked like an ass. Once I maneuvered the long springy chord thing across the front of the jeep to get to the other side, I did my best not to get myself and the front end of the jeep all tangled up and started putting the air in. I should also mention this was all done in the pouring rain. It dawns on me that I am paying $2 for 4 minutes worth of air. Air. I'm paying for air. I start thinking about the Dr. Suess book, later turned movie, The Lorax and think, they were on to something…air isn’t free. Yes, this entire thought process of getting myself and the springy chord thing around the front of my jeep in the rain, getting both caps off my tires, getting both tires filled at a pressure of 36, no more and no less, all under the 4 minutes I was given. I had to work fast people to get my $2 worth of air I paid good money for.

4. I get my $2 worth of air, hop back in to the jeep and decide I'm thankful I don’t have to pay for the air I need to breathe to get myself home and then back out into the world to make some returns. I start to go through the list of pro's and con's of this process. Is it worth the ride to return these things or would it just be easier for me to hand out the items in need of return to this guy harassing me at the light asking me for money. This would be like paying it forward that would in turn benefit me, this guy, and the general public, because then I wouldn't have to go to the Natick Mall to interact with people. I think to myself, this is why I order things on line. This is why I love Amazon. This is why I have to stop waking up in the middle of the night and placing my Christmas orders at 3am when I'm half asleep. So - much- goes - on in this brain of mine all day long even I have a hard time keeping up. Ultimately, I sucked it up and me and my $2 air went home to gather the Kap kids and off to Natick we went. Again, returns were made, no injuries reported. All interactions were above board, appropriate and pleasant. No need to report me.

5. Let's talk about last minute gifts. This brings me to tell you about the poor Amazon driver who was doing deliveries on Christmas Eve Day. Yes, I too was guilty of last minute purchases and was anxiously awaiting their arrival. I was appreciative of this man and his deliveries, without this fine fellow, some recipients of my gifts would still be waiting for them. Another perk about Amazon that we all know and love, is easy returns. So much better than having to go back in to the store you purchased an item from. One click, you get a code, and off to the nearest UPS store you go, they scan the code, you hand them the product, return complete, easy peasy. This poor guy tells me that he got called in to work at 5am on his day off due to his co workers calling in sick - on Christmas Eve. He takes one for the team, goes to work, a modern real time Elf if you will, going about the business of getting things delivered at your door step in a timely manner. All helper Elf like he goes, spreading good cheer, and he's still met by a disgruntled swearing man yelling at him all worked up because his packages weren't left just so, as he specified on his doorstep. I tell the Amazon delivery guy I'm sorry that people suck, hand him the container of cookies meant for the Parenteau's and ask for the address of the disgruntled individual living amongst us here in the 02. I start to hatch a plan in my head that may involve sneaking over to this guys house to unscrew every third bulb on the string of their outside Christmas lights just to mess with him. Don't display a million twinkling Christmas lights on your lawn for all the hood to see, giving all the impression that you embrace the Christmas spirit if in actuality you're a real life troll. Again, that's false advertising. Get it together.

6. Another favorite Christmas tradition had by myself and the Kap kids, Christmas cookie making and decorating. We were a bit late this year, cookies not decorated until after Christmas, but rest assured they were decorated none the less. Exhibit 2, my yearly Christmas cookie and ode to Ronnie Miller.

7. Christmas stockings...no thanks to the 70 lb puppy we've got running around here stockings were not hung by the fire with care, instead they were thrown about the bookcase, empty, with holes in them. Less to pack up and put away for next year.

8. Ron Miller, the self made legend and suspected to be Quinn's Restaurant's undercover Santa, is famous in the Woo and beyond. The oldest Kap kid was in a gym in Boston last week when he was asked by a friend if he wanted to see an adorable picture of her niece sitting with Santa. Sam, figuring sure why not, takes a gander at the photo to realize that wasn't just any Santa, but his Uncle. Like Santa, Ron Miller is everywhere.

9. Casey's spin and repurposing of the beloved PEZ dispenser. She travels with Lactaid in style. Exhibit 3, PEZ turned Lactaid dispenser.

10. Another Kap/Miller/Bibeau tradition, Christmas breakfast. Nothing says Christmas day like Helen rolling up in her Christmas pj's and Santa sack. Gifts, coffee and Sue Miller in tow, spreading holiday cheer near and far - all before 10 am.

And last but not least, here's to a happy, healthy and prosperous 2024.

Happy New Year!