Your Weekly Antics, The Hostile Chicken Take Over 9-29-2022 Edition...

Well kids, this is your final week to go rogue related to the city trash and recycling. Go ahead...toss anything and everything you can, mismatch those recyclable items, I triple dog dare you to place a plastic grocery bag in that bin, throw caution to the wind and don't rinse out that mayonnaise container...this time next week all bets are off - your trash may or may not be left on the curb for breaking the recyclable rules. Don't miss this opportunity to live with abandon while you can people, this time next week, down comes the hammer, so live it up. Here's what I've got...

1. Bugs. Yes, we’re talking about bugs, again. If there’s a bug in our house Al’s in charge. For starters, I’m too short so therefore should there be a transient spider making its way across my ceiling, I’m no help to anyone, and I’m the last person beside Sue Miller who has any business standing on a chair. The middle and youngest Kap kids? They’re out just out of principle, and Sam’s out on his own now and doesn’t have time for the likes of us and our bug-escapades. So, that leaves Al. Most people squish and dispose of bugs, but not Al. When he’s able it’s a catch and release type situation which makes his daughters nuts. His biggest critic the youngest Kap kid, called him out on this recently when it was Al vs. stink bug. She says, why are you trying to save that thing? Squish it already. His response...Well Meredith, let’s hope when your time comes you don’t come back as a bug and you get squished. BE nice to the bugs...okay ya weirdo...

2. I hope the three of you who do read The Antics heeded my advice about the newest invasive bug in The Woo, have done your part, and cared less about saving them and squished them on sight. Al’s a bad example. Quit trying to be like Al, it’s not going to end well.

3. You think I was joking about the apple shortage this season? I went to one of our local farm stands this week and a gallon of Apple Cider was $10. Here’s what I say about that…we don’t need apple cider that bad. And if you do, get yourselves a gallon of generic apple juice down at Big Y. Open it and grab a quick cup. Then close that bottle up and let it sit for a few weeks and there you have it…apple cider. You’re welcome. (*** disclaimer…should you do this and get sick, The Antics is hereby exempt from any and all claims of wrong doing. This is a blog about nonsense, not recipes…follow any and all advice at your own risk…)

4. Okay, so because we're givers here at The Antics, are always looking out for the people and always thinking of our readers, here's a recipe for apple cider in the event you want to channel your inner Julia Child and go the real recipe route...here you go, get crazy...

https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a28224491/homemade-apple-cider-drink-recipe/

5. Despite the inflated cost of apple cider, the trip to the farm stand wasn’t wasted. While there, Meri opted to sit in the jeep and wait for me. She won’t be doing that again anytime soon. While she sat there minding her own business, she was accosted by one hostile chicken who clearly had it out for her. I’d love to share the video, but the language used in her state of fright is not G rated, therefore the still images will have to do. In her defense, the swearing didn’t start until said chicken began to peck away at the jeeps windshield. Thinking of it now, she probably should’ve put on the windshield wipers…that would’ve made things interesting…Exhibit 1 The chicken bully. Then to make matters worse, the chicken went and summoned her friends…Exhibit 2, the chicken gang...

6. If you’re in the public eye do yourselves a favor and don’t cheat on your spouse. Dumbass…not only are you a celebrity, or sort of, but we are living in the age of social media. No one can sneeze without it winding up on twitter, facebook, instagram or what have you, so did you really think having an affair wasn’t going to bite you in the ass? Ya moron.

7. Weather – I’m only going to assume that our unretired retiree Parenteau is using the few retirement hours that she has per day practicing her amateur meteorological skills and obsessing over the weather and the hurricane that is plaguing Florida. Al too has had every weather channel and graph and video on a loop. I’m hearing the forecast in my sleep.

8. The youngest Kap kid subjected her Father to hill billy hell last weekend way up in Maine. Despite how she harasses him about his Dad jokes, he took one for the team and willingly partook in this adventure. It wasn't a wasted trip for him however, because in their travels they had a Spag sighting. Some people think Elvis is still alive, but not those dedicated tried and true former Spag employees like Al and Walter...it's all about Spag's. There is always an opportunity for a Spag reference throughout the day, and on this particular day there was this bonus... photo evidence that the spirit of Spag is still out there...Exhibit 3 - Spag

9. Dear Landlord of the property your 95 year old tenant lives in that has been a model tenant to you for the past 40 years. When you double her rent and expect her to automatically receive funding from a rental assistance program to meet your ridiculous increase, that program is not going to just hand over the cash without expecting you to put in some work to secure her that funding. That funding if approved, will in fact be padding your pockets, so excuse me if you're expected to participate and pull your weight. If you weren't such a jerk, maybe things would go a bit easier for you. And no, this woman isn't going to up and die so you'll be rid of her and can then charge an exorbitant amount of rent to the next poor fool looking for housing...why you ask? Because you've gone and pissed her off, giving her a new reason to live. Trust me, she's not dying anytime soon. How do I know this? I just know - you don't mess with intelligent, stubborn, spiteful old ladies...they win every time. Good luck and Godspeed.

This right here...a crying shame...

https://www.masslive.com/worcester/2022/08/worcester-housing-minimum-wage-workers-would-need-to-work-80-hours-a-week-to-afford-a-2-bedroom-apartment-report-says.html

10. Update...in case you're wondering, per Andrea Lucy Allen and Colleen McCallum, Park Ave still sucks. Avoid it at all costs. While we're on the subject, avoid all Worcester streets. Just don't drive...anywhere...there is construction and chaos at every turn. If it's not construction, it's road closures and detours. If the roadways are open and free to pass, everyone out there is driving like a jackass, yelling, swearing in a variety of different languages because after all, we are a diverse city... so you're only asking for trouble should you decide to get behind the wheel. We have Amazon - there's absolutely no reason to leave the house ever again. Stay home.

Last but not least...quit wasting time and hug your people. And Michelle...rest easy my friend, we'll take it from here.

Have a great weekend!