Your Weekly Antics The Easter Bunny's Gone Rogue Edition 4-6-2023...

It’s a full moon kids, buckle up – you know our thoughts on the full moons here at The Antics. Some of you non-believers out there go about your business like it’s a regular random day. Well listen up – the full moon of April, The Pink Moon, is today people – today- so plan accordingly. Don’t come crying to us when things start getting weird and you act like you weren’t warned. Get it together. Here's what I've got...

1. Big happenings at Elder Services this week people – some of our employees are always doing the work of the people and have inside connections to many celebrities who live quietly and secretly among us. One of those celebrities who is always willing to put himself out there, volunteer and go the extra mile is one of our Nutrition Departments finest who we will refer to as JB to protect his identity - also has a side hussle standing in for the Easter Bunny. Anyone who’s anyone knows that this is the Easter Bunny’s busiest time of year - he doesn’t have time to hop around visiting kids near and far if he wants to get the job done. He has no magic sleigh, fairy dust or a bunch of freeloading reindeer to cart his sorry self around – the Easter Bunny is a self reliant sole who calls upon a trusted few to be his stand in for public appearances, because let’s face it – he can’t do it all and unlike Santa who has Elves to help him, EB is a one man show. Exhibit 1, the Easter Bunny's trusted stand in at Elder Services this week.

2. If you think about it, the Easter Bunny’s job may be more stressful than Santa’s. Santa may oversee breakable items, but the Easter Bunny, much like our Nutrition Departments home delivered meals drivers, have to deliver perishable food items in a timely manner. The Easter Bunny delivers his candy treats all around the world in one night and carried in one basket. Perhaps over the years he’s upgraded that basket, splurged and moved on to a cooler - lined basket. As technology allowed, he eventually got himself a battery powered refrigerated basket to keep all of his melt-able chocolate and perishable items fresh and at controlled temperatures. For fear of spreading disease and being sued, he eventually smartened up, stopped delivering fresh eggs, and began hard boiling them. Going one step further, preserving those eggs by semi pickling them in vinegar and then dipping them in festive pastels, the colors of spring. The next time you take the Easter Bunny and all of his efforts for granted, stop and think about it – unlike Santa, he’s a one man, not for profit, non union show.

3. Sometimes those Easter Bunny and Santa stand -ins get a bad rap. Despite their best efforts, they and their large suits occasionally scare a kid or two. Next time you see a screaming 2 year old being forced to sit next to the Easter Bunny or Santa, rest assured that their day will come when they over come their irrational fears of our fury Easter friend, eventually making you, parent of the year. Exhibit 2 our ESW Easter Bunny and one such subject who is still not quite ready to be exposed. Initials...RG.

4. Every family has their holiday traditions. As your kids get older, it gets harder to get them all together in one place. Doesn't matter how old your kids gets, some things continue whether they're all together taking part in holiday festivities or not. Exhibit 3

5. Should the Easter Bunny have such a faux pas, accidentally deliver spoiled eggs and melted candy, they may find themselves having to back track and rid themselves of a paper trail. Perhaps they'll have to invest in a shredder. Like Sue Miller, once plugging that bad boy in, they too may not be able to control themselves and be apt to shred everything and anything of the paper variety they can get their hands and paws on. You have evidence you'd like to rid yourself from? Head on over to my Mom's house and she'll take care of you - no questions asked.

6. You’re sick of hearing about the traffic? We’re sick of talking about it and even sicker of driving in it. We don’t know what the actual hell is happening in the Woo these days, but I’d like to think that a tiny portion of Highland Street being shut down isn’t enough to set off a ripple effect of traffic that disrupts the entire city’s roadways. What’s better than being cut off in traffic by a Prius? A Prius covered in coexist and peace stickers. Lies, lies and more lies. What’s even better than that? The driver of said Prius flipping you and everyone else off while weaving in and out of traffic in attempts to make her own lane. Practice what you preach sister… may we suggest next time you park that easter egg looking car that you peel those stickers right off the bumper – that’s false advertising.

7. Fun fact. When driving up to Green Hill Golf Course, one travels up through the Worcester Vocational High School campus. Proceed with caution. If you enter from the Lincoln Street side be mindful that it is in fact one way – just because you could drive up that way doesn’t mean you can take it upon yourself to go barrell ass-ing back out that way. This is frowned upon and apparently against the law. Should you enter or exit from the Worcester Technical High School side, be mindful that there is a speed bump located at the entrance of the school to deter speeding. Should you hit said speed bump at anything over 20 mph’s, your back seat passengers will go air born. Ask Rose, she’ll tell you all about it.

8. It’s been a minute since we’ve spoken about the trials and tribulations of being the Father of teenage girls. Not because there hasn’t been plenty of material, sometimes there’s just so much we could say about this honor that it’s almost criminal. This week’s lesson, never mess with a teenage girls French fries. Now listen, your teenager has never starved to death in your absence. She is fully capable of heating up food on her own, we’ve given her the tools for that. In a few short years she will be responsible for caring for and feeding herself when she leaves the nest, and again, she’s not gonna starve. We’ve taught her many ways of the world, and one of those lessons was how to safely operate the dummy proof air fryer. If the kid wants her French fries warmed up and you insist on completing this task for her, insist on doing your own thing and not following her instructions resulting in your burning those fries, you’re going to hear about it, especially when a.) she was perfectly willing and able to complete said task herself, and b.) all it involved was pushing the specific button labeled French fries and you still managed to screw it up. What will not help you diffuse the situation or bring back those burned fries, is comparing your teenage daughter to the Hulk and asking why she’s getting all worked up about burned French fries. Are you new here? This is not your first rodeo friend…we can’t help you.

9. You think you’ve got problems? Check out this 4 legged chicken in Exhibit 4. And to answer your question, no, he is not a new member of the Kap pack.

10. Many celebrate Easter with an Easter ham. I myself am not a huge fan of ham, feeling that ham, in its original form, too closely resembles and reminds me of a dog, but who am I to mess with tradition? The people want ham, ham it is. I don't eat ham, don't cook ham, don't know much about ham... but driving by Big Y in Holden I decide I can stop in, how hard can it be to pick out a ham? What I do know is this...during any holiday week in a grocery store, there will always be someone shopping for that holiday meal who knows more than you. If you want to take it up a notch, find an elderly woman looking for the main dish of the holiday meal and do what she does, or better yet, just ask her and then do what she tells you to do. Case in point, Exhibit 3. I purchased this ham for two reasons...1. a feisty elderly woman at the Big Y told me to and 2., she advised that if those joining me for Easter dinner aren't happy with the ham to tell them too bad, go somewhere else and eat...and yes, I'm pretty sure that woman may have been me in the future. Exhibit 5 Colleen and Michelle, please note the maker of the ham.

And last but not least...should you spot the Easter bunny this weekend we hope he's not coming at you driving a Prius.

Have a great weekend!