Your Weekly Antics Thanksgiving Edition...11-24-22

Well kids, Thanksgiving is here. I hope by the time you read this you’re resting comfortably as your dressed and prepared bird is cooking in the oven, filling your home with the smell of the holiday season. If turkey’s not your thing, and you’ve decided you’ll be slapping a big juicy steak on the grill or preparing whatever fake tofu type meat dish you choose, I hope that works out for you too – if you’re not the cook and not making good use of the space you’re taking up hovering while the magic is happening in the kitchen, I hope you’re smart enough to keep your mouth shut and stay the hell out of the way. Whatever your fancy, let’s hope it works out for you. Here’s what I’ve got…

1. Helping do the prep work for Thanksgiving Dinner at Grammy’s house you learn a few things that perhaps you could’ve gone without knowing, ever. Life altering information that will in fact effect how you perceive your turkey dinner from now until the end of time. The bird doesn’t just show up cooked and ready to eat my young friend, it involves some prep work prior to being tossed in the oven, meeting its final destination at 400 degrees – and it went like this…Sue Miller, at the counter preparing the turkey to be tossed in the oven, naturally involves removing the poor bastard’s innards - this was a sight that the youngest Kap kid most definitely could’ve gone without and was heard saying to her Grandmother… everything about Turkey prep is wrong -now you’re telling me you gotta get on in there and manually take all the guts out too???” We’re just emotionally scarring kids one holiday at a time…Bon appetite..

2. Listen up, here's your Turkey day tid-bit...if you don't like any of the sides, the main dish, the choice of dinner rolls or even desserts that are being served at the table you are so fortunate to be sitting at today, keep it to yourself. If you don't like it, you can take over and cook next year. You're welcome.

3. When I’m gone, come and get my pans…more words of wisdom bestowed upon the youngest Kap kid who was observing meal prep. Before she could ask her Grandmother why and what’s so great about her pans this explanation was offered… See this pan your Mother burned…I was able to clean it right up – she can't ruin them…

4. Elder Services office renovation update…it’s been reported that the desks being placed in our newly renovated space are the desks that can be converted in to standing desks. News flash…the only time I’ll be standing up at my desk is when I stand up to go home…or to take a bow for not losing my mind when talking on the phone to yet another person who could use an attitude adjustment or, I don’t know, a refresher course on how to do their job… not all can be as fabulous as my Elder Services peeps...

5. After careful consideration and consultation with my buddy JB who I will only identify by his initials to preserve his anonymity, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to put in a request for the office to forego providing me with a convertible standing desk and instead go ahead and provide me with a desk that has a built in coffee maker. In my opinion that would be money better spent. Look at me, always trying to save the agency money.

6. Let's keep it together this holiday weekend shall we? Be kind to all that you know who are 60 years old and older who live in and around the Worcester area and our surrounding towns. Not just because that's the right thing to do and one should be kind all day every day - not just because it's Thanksgiving and the beginning of the holiday season - not because you're all decent and wonderful human beings - do it for me because I'm on call and don't plan on doing a damn bit of work until next week. If you're going to be rotten this holiday weekend kids, focus on those who are 59 years old or younger and do so outside of our service area. Thanks in advance, I appreciate it.

7. Stopped in to TJ Maxx this week and my turn came up in line. The poor cashier kept getting distracted and pulled away by co workers when trying to ring me out. Each time she attempted to begin our transaction, she would start over by greeting me again, as if she hadn't already greeted me. It went like this...Hi, how are you? Good thank you, how are you? Second time, Hello! How are you? I'm great thank you, and you? Third time and even more enthusiastically, Good evening, how ARE you? At that point I thought, is this lady messing with me? Am I being tested, video'd, punked? Maybe she hasn't greeted me yet and I'm hallucinating? No matter what the story was, I didn't want to disappoint this woman and felt it was my responsibility to match her enthusiasm. After all, it's not every day that you're actually greeted at all at check out never mind three times, so naturally I responded with, FANTASTIC! HOW are YOU??? It was soon evident that she didn't realize she already greeted me twice before...I definitely scared her.

8. Did you all take my advice and order your chocolate covered turkey strawberries from Mykonos Bakery? If you were foolish enough not to heed this advice and still want to treat yourself to a chocolate turkey, call Robyn. She too didn’t listen to me and was going to attempt to make them on her own. She didn’t respond to my requests for photo evidence of her attempts which leads me to believe her attempts may have been unsuccessful. Let’s see if she reads The Antics this week…if so, I’m sure I’m due for some smart ass response that I will be sure to share with you next week.

9. Here’s something everyone needs…an abundant and endless supply of pudding…if you need some, let me know...if you're nice and don't violate what I've requested of you in #6, Sue Miller may generously offer you first dibs on her secret stash. Some people hide money or stock up on canned goods and toilet paper. Not in her house - in her house we stock up on pudding. Or if you'd rather, your other option is still Robyn and her probably not completed chocolate strawberry turkey's.

10. After all this pre-Thanksgiving food prep and my Mother most certainly getting sick of looking at me and making fun of her pudding stash, I decided it was time to go home. I told her I needed to go home and write The Antics. She says, why don’t you give The Antics a break this week, it’s Thanksgiving….Why? I’ll tell ya why – because The Antics never rest Sue Miller…they never rest!!!

And last but not least, what would the Thanksgiving Edition be without telling you all what I'm thankful for? All the obvious things, but mostly my family, friends and co workers...without them, I'd have nothing to write about, but thankfully they offer me an abundant amount of material week after week.

Have a great Thanksgiving!