Your Weekly Antics, Sweet Caroline Edition...8-31-23

Way back when Elder Services was still at 411 Chandler St long before all this technology, at one of our traditional in-house Xmas parties, I spent an entire day messing with Caroline Sullivan. I was her Secret Santa. Small gifts involving Snoopy and m&m themed items preceded Christmas party day and before we knew it, the day was upon us when traditionally your Secret Santa is revealed. I kept myself entertained throughout that day going from desk-to-desk pranking Caroline’s office phone. If she didn’t pick up, the call would go back to the reception desk and whoever was covering the desk would have to page her. She’d stop what she was doing, go back to her office, and pick up the phone. She’d be met with the melodious voice of Neil Diamond and Sweet Caroline – I’d remain hidden in whichever cube I was calling from, listening to her yell and laugh while quickly running out of her office to catch the culprit harassing her. By the end of the day someone was dumb enough to show me how to use the PA system and I started playing it over the office Intercom. If I remember correctly, she figured out early on it was me, but played a long anyway, because that was Caroline. Full of fun and laughter, Caroline always embraced some good-hearted shenanigans...and those shenanigans, whatever they were, were always worth participating in just to hear her laugh.

We lost Caroline last week and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t suck. It really really sucks. We only had her for 59 years – way too short a time for her to share her light and laughter making each day brighter for those who were lucky enough to know her, or even luckier to call her a friend. 35 of those short years were spent at Elder Services, dedicated to improving lives and serving those in our community. Irreplaceable. Fun. Heart of gold. So so strong and brave. Throughout her battle many of us never saw her wince in pain, never a negative word out of her mouth, never ever a poor me, and she never gave up. It was a, it is what it is, everything that could be done was done, and now, I embrace it and just live. And that’s pretty much word for word what she told me.

With that, we will carry on The Antics as usual…if this turned in to a tribute type edition, she’d never forgive me - I'm guessing that without missing a beat she has already resumed the work of the people from wherever she is now, because our Caroline never rested. All the wonderful traits that were Caroline glimmered off of her effortlessly, no explanation of her goodness necessary. Quite honestly I'm not going to continue on and give her reason to haunt me, when she is already putting her efforts to good use elsewhere. I'm pretty sure that if she could, she would tell us, if you need to, have a good cry and get on with it because there is still work to be done...

Here's what I've got...

1. Exhibit 1, the annual mandatory back to school picture. I've been tormenting these kids consistently for years, making sure to capture their first day back to school. One would think that this tradition would end once these kids moved on and went to college. Nope, it continued and morphed in to what is now the yearly face time call/screen shot that has followed them even when they flew the coop. One would also think that once the oldest kid of this crew graduated from Grad school, got his CPA and was out in the real world he would be exempt. Wrong again. I think they've all given up and have come to the conclusion that they will all continue with this yearly photo until the last kid graduates college. If all goes well and calculations are correct, Sam will be participating in this yearly photo until he's 30. Buckle up.

2. I am no city planner. I do not work for the DPW. I am not a construction worker, nor do I have any part in the planning or configuring of new city streets and sidewalks. I'd like to think however that I have some common sense. Call me crazy if I think it's absolutely asinine that whoever is in charge of such tasks waited until the week before school started to begin ripping up the sidewalks that get some of these kids to school who do so on foot. These are elementary school kids no less which only makes this all the more challenging. Let's throw a bunch of kids who have the attention span of squirrels weaving in and out of traffic collecting nuts for winter, to walk in the streets because the sidewalk they normally use is torn up. And let's make sure there is no crossing guard because that'll make it more interesting. Like a horrible real life version of Frogger. Get it together Worcester, do better.

3. With the start of school comes the dreaded school busses. Those giant yellow buckets of tin that transport America's youth to and from the classroom every day. Listen up people, it should be of no surprise to you that school busses were back on the roads this week. Even if you don't have kids, the start of the new school year is general knowledge unless you've been living under a rock. If you woke up, got dressed, hopped in your car to drive to work and were astounded to be back in the grind that is Worcester school traffic, I don't know what to tell you, except get it together. I know and you know, despite the start of school happening at the same time every year, you were oblivious anyway. Off you went, most likely running late because that's how Mondays roll. Maybe you spilled your freshly brewed coffee in the lap of your white linen pants you were trying to wear one last time before Labor Day, now you have to go back inside to change. Or, you normally stop at the local Dunk's to get coffee and now you can't because it's Monday of the first week back to school and you didn't account for back to school traffic. Now another layer added, there's a good chance you have no business being on the road because you're still not caffeinated. You push ahead anyway and find yourself behind a school bus. Decaffeinated. Wearing a wrinkled not pre planned outfit, tailgating, inhaling school bus exhaust - awesome - welcome to the start of your work week.

4. Another scenario...Maybe you thought you were smarter than that. Thought you were ahead of the game and could defeat what is Monday - school - season - traffic in the Woo, cut off some scrub who was driving like they've never seen the Newton Square rotary before and headed for one of your tried and true cut throughs...of course you did, because no one else thought of that first, right? Now you're behind everyone else who thought they were smooth, but wrong again. Adding insult to injury, your trusty cut through is under construction and you've been re routed right back to where you started...looking out for those sidewalk-less kids who are dodging traffic like squirrels prepping for winter because they have no choice but to walk in the streets. The chances of you squealing in to work on time on two wheels is not happening no thanks to those rotten kids, the school buses, torn up sidewalks, construction, detours, and the universe who is out to get you on this fine Monday morning.

5. Do I even need to mention what Sue Miller would have to say about #'s 3 & 4? All trips begin and end with Park Ave. If you choose to go against this rule and find yourself somewhere other than Park Ave and you run in to a detour, you sit and you wait. All that time spent running around on fancy short cuts isn't saving you a bit of time, and you're not going to get where you're going any faster. You're only causing yourself unnecessary aggravation. According to Sue Miller when one is stuck in traffic or at a light, this is time to relax. Take in the day. Enjoy your surroundings. People watch. It's important for me to mention right about now, No, I'm not adopted. I was not switched at birth. According to my birth certificate as well as Ancestry.com I am 100% my Mother's child so biologically speaking I would have to agree that there is absolutely no scientific explanation why I drive like a complete maniac and Sue Miller does not. Relax and reflect at a light. I'll tell you what I'm reflecting on. I'm reflecting on how to tell the person holding up traffic to get the hell out of my way and a whole bunch of other things I can't put in writing for fear of future implication.

6. This. What the fresh hell is this. Exhibit 3. This little robotic cooler on wheels is a menace. Travelling up a side street through the WPI campus, we came upon this...apparently its purpose is take out food delivery. Because we don't have enough to worry about with car traffic, bus traffic, bicycle traffic, pedestrian traffic, kids wandering in the streets due to lack of sidewalks and whatever else, let's add a robotic cooler on wheels in to the mix. Guess what - that orange flag suspended in air attached to it? That's not helping anything, now it's just a moving target. There was not one, but two of these creatures we crossed path's with on this small stretch of roadway. The first one we encountered we witnessed it follow and then trip up a student who was walking. The second robot cooler was dumb enough to roll out in to moving traffic. Granted it was in the crosswalk, but no one stops for pedestrians in crosswalks, who thinks anyone's going to stop to let this thing cross? Not to mention, flag or not, it's close to the ground, hard to see and can easily be hit by on coming traffic. That's what I told the police anyway after I purposefully ran it over. ( just kidding, or maybe not...)

7. Okay, so maybe I didn't run the robot cooler over, but I'm thinking I may next time just out of principle. Can we get any lazier people?

8. Exhibit 4. This is not a robot cooler, but he kind of looks like one if you ask me. I have no idea what his name is, and for whatever reason I think his name should be Jack. I'm here to tell you that Jack is an ass. Jack is Sue Miller's neighbor, likes to get loose, wander the neighborhood and then do his business on her lawn. This is him having a full blown standoff with the youngest Kap kid who was trying to pull away from Sue Miller's house. It's like he knew she recently obtained her driving permit and decided it would be fun to play chicken with her in front of the house. Better watch it Jack, you're going to end up on the same list Sue Miller has the trash guys on.

9. Al has switched up his Wegmans runs kids, and can now be found perusing the aisles doing the weekly grocery shopping on Friday nights after work. Last week I offered to take the ride with him, which I did, and by the end of the trip I was nicely told I'm not invited to go with him again. What can I say? I'm easily distracted and just like a kid, I didn't stay with the cart and wandered off. Unlike when you lose a kid however, Al checked out and headed for the parking lot figuring I'd eventually figure it out and find my way back to the car. Just like Nemo says, all drains lead to the ocean...all exits lead to the parking lot. My timing was perfect and I presented myself at the car when he was loading the last grocery bag in to the back. Not sure what the problem was, it's not my fault he didn't have an epiphany and drive off without me. Missed opportunity. Get it together Al.

10. Exhibit , how Meri manages trips to Wegmans with her Dad...

Work smarter, not harder... Casey Paolini 8-25-23

And last but not least ... Rest easy buddy, I've got your Tuesdays at 10 covered. Thanks for always being so good to me ♥️

Have a great weekend!