Your Weekly Antics Saturday Edition...5-31-25

Well Kids, here we are, the last day of May staring the first day in June right in the face. I’d like to say THAT is the reason why the Antics are late this week, that I wanted to commemorate the last day of the month and the first steps towards summer with the late arrival of your Weekly Antics, but I’d be lying. Truth be told, it’s been a busy week and we at the Antics have been unable to get our s&^* together and get things done on time. Bright side is you get to start your weekend with me. Downside, you’ve hit rock bottom if reading the Antics is all you’ve got going on for yourself this weekend. Here’s what I’ve got…

1. This past week marked the end of an era…the youngest Kap kid crossed the stage and received her high school diploma, marking the last Kap kid to complete their time in the Worcester Public Schools. This was a bittersweet and proud moment for all of us that was quickly commemorated by Sue Miller’s announcement that this would be the last graduation she attends. Not for any particular reason other than she’s sick of sitting through the speeches and battling through the crowds and not being able to actually see any of her people cross the stage from where she's sitting. What can we say? She’s over it. Of course, however, she received what some may describe as a Presidential escort out of the DCU when all was said and done. Paths were cleared, gates were removed, strings pulled, unknown and otherwise prohibited exits for the general public were opened to allow her a safe and quick exit. Why you ask? Because Sue Miller knows people.  

2. Here’s what we’ve come to people, counterfeit graduation tickets. The Worcester Public Schools announced that counterfeit graduation tickets were made and distributed and were being used to gain access to the many Worcester high school graduation ceremonies being held in the halls of the DCU center this week. Seems harmless enough, and kind of resourceful to be honest, but all it did was screw everything up. The DCU center, like all venues has a person capacity and once that capacity is met, they will not allow anyone else to enter the venue. This resulted in families who received the tickets that were designated for them the way they were supposed to, to be turned away at the door and not allowed entry to the hall to see their child graduate. So, to the kids who had to have 50 of their closest friends see them hoot and holler while crossing the stage, I can only hope they see the error in their ways and possibly redirect their creativity in other ways to do good in their future counterfeiting endeavors. Get it together.  

3. A well-known reader of the Antics and Worcester Public School teacher was minding her own business last week and trying to make her way to work and came upon a detour that was altering the everyday route she takes to get to her school to mold the young minds of the city. A rule follower she is, and not one to question the law, she followed the detour signs which redirected her up and down and all around a local neighborhood. She drove slowly and cautiously when coming up upon one of Worcester’s finest who was there to ensure her safe passage through the streets of the Woo, and like the good citizen that she is, she assumed that the detour would eventually get her to the road she needed to get to continue her trip to work. Left here, right there, left again, another left, another left, a quick right and then straight out to where she began this detour in the first place. This leads every person with half a brain to ask, wouldn’t it have made more sense to put the detour sign at the very beginning of this route and send people in a completely different direction all together? Come on Worcester, you can do better than that.  

4. Weekly driving follies continue as I made my way to Worcester’s Home Depot this week. Don’t get crazy, I’m not building anything, I was picking up a plant. It doesn’t matter what time or what day of the week you go to this Home Depot, the parking lot is complete anarchy at all times, people driving at you, around you, almost backing up into you, and let’s not forget the drivers who would just assume run you over when walking to get to your car. There is no rhyme or reason to the chaos that ensues in this lot, and it presents as lawless at all times. For that, I will never go back. I can get myself into trouble just fine on my own, I don’t need to subject myself to that nonsense.

5. The tooth fairy is a fraud and like Sue Miller is done with graduation ceremonies, I’m done with that lying, no good, yellow bellied, double crossing iddy bitty pillow robbing winged bastard too. And it’s not just me. I have it on good authority that not only did she wrong me this week but wronged two of my inner circle as well. She best stay the hell away from me moving forward because I’ve armed myself with one of those zapping fly swatters and plan on taking that bitch out if she shows her face around here again. Fly away Tooth Fairy or you’re going down. Even if she were to leave me loose change under my pillow, that won’t even put a dent in the money that was shelled out to the dentist this week. Fly away lady, don’t come back.

6. The woodland creatures of the fuzzy bunny variety have taken over our yard, much like the rest of the city. Sure, they’re cute and fluffy and seem harmless, and may be doing you a favor eating the weeds, but weeds aren’t good enough for the bunnies of the 02. Those savages are too good for weeds and go directly for your plants, specifically mine. Exhibit 1, what was a flourishing Hosta eaten down to its nubs. Behind that was my Clematis, no photo available because there's nothing left to it.  

7.  Our interaction with wildlife continues. The youngest Kap kid and I were heading back from a coffee run and found ourselves on Grove Street in Paxton. Driving a long sipping our coffees and out of nowhere is this little critter trying to make his way across the road. Now I’m not going to lie to you, I thought I had run him over but couldn’t be sure because like all good drivers I had closed my eyes when I realized he was to become one with my tires. No bumps felt, we saw in the rearview mirror that he was in fact still in tact, not a care in the world plugging along heading to the side of the road. Quickly deciding no turtle would be squished on our watch, we swung back around, threw on the hazards to hold up traffic and the youngest Kap kid hopped out, towel in hand to shoo the little guy to safety in someone's yard. Before getting back into the jeep, she gave him quick directions how to find his way to Parenteau’s house where she assured him he would be given safe refuge from wherever or whoever he was running from. Exhibit 2, not the turtle that was saved, but a turtle we came upon a few years back. I’d like to think thanks to Meri’s efforts that little guy may live to get as big as this one someday.

8. The Kap men are at war with Kashi cereal. No, they are not 100 years old, they just prefer a healthy cereal option when the rest of us appreciate a good Froot Loop or Apple Jacks. One of the Kap men wrote a letter to Kashi this week informing them that whatever new formula their using, is no good and they should go back to the old one. The other Kap is disgruntled by the lack of fruit filling that is now in the Kashi Organic Berry Fruitful option. Here’s how you solve that…quit trying to eat healthy as soon as you get up in the morning, stick to the cereals I’ve named above and call it a day. Problem solved. Exhibit 3, Kashi...incase you didn't know what I was talking about.

9. We haven’t had a Gibson update in a bit, so here’s one. It cost me $80 this week to find out he ate something in the yard, probably one of the bunnies whose been eating my plants, and he had a belly ache. $80 later and a few days of gourmet meals of boiled chicken, rice and veggies, and he’s right as rain. Exhibit 4, this is not Gibson, this is Loki Wrixon. Loki did not cost me $80 at the vet this week and is currently my favorite because he doesn't' cause me any problems.

10.  Who says you can’t have fun everywhere you go…Exhibit 5, more proof that the youngest Kap kid is in fact, my kid. Coming to a Dollar Store near you.

And last but not least...have a great weekend! 😎