Your Weekly Antics, Playing in Traffic Edition... 6-15-23
- lisaalkap
- Jun 15, 2023
- 6 min read
Well kids, here we are...the last full week of school, and a long weekend is upon us. In addition to that extra day, we celebrate Father's Day. Plan accordingly and don't screw it up...Dad's don't ask for much. The same rules apply as on Mother's Day...acknowledge the poor guy who puts up with all of your nonsense all - year - long...give him the day to relax. Get him whatever new gadget or motorized type equipment he wants and let him cut down whatever it is he wants to in your yard - spread mulch Joe Burns, go play golf, make him a card. Dad's don't ask for much, so get it together. Here's what I've got...
1. If things on the roadways continue, we may have to rename The Antics Things that Cross the Road….I’m starting to get a complex. Maybe the universe is trying to get me to go out and play in traffic, taking my chances to be the one getting picked off while sparing the creature I’d be trying to save, who knows. What I do know is this…creatures of the land need to stay on the side of the road they wake up on and stop wandering out in traffic. What’s wrong with the side they’re on that makes the other side of the road seem so appealing? Do they have friends over there? Better food supply? Looks just as green from one side to another if you ask me. Better housing? Let’s think on this...kind of like people – always looking for something better, greener, newer, never being satisfied with what they have … this causes them to venture off for bigger and better – many times ending up like some of our critter type friends and finding themselves squashed, right there on the yellow line. Was it really worth it? I think not.
2. Of course this leads up to a story. Let me tell you about our ride home from our visit with Gramma Edie last weekend. Taking a leisurely ride home driving Rte 110 hitting up places like Potager Soaps in Concord and The Action Coffee House, we eventually found ourselves heading home when the skies opened and we were soon driving in torrential rains. Proceeding cautiously, we come upon something in the road. Getting closer, we see this something in the road is moving…of course it is, and soon realize it’s a turtle. Having one dead baby turtle on my conscious already this summer and the middle kid prodding me to do something to save this one, I turn around and we stop – in the middle of the road – because of course this thing is straddling the double yellow line. Initially I rolled down my window and yelled out to it, because that’s what sane people do, talk to reptiles in the middle of the street in torrential rains, only complicating matters because now distracted, he started to walk back towards me. We are now the only ones on the road, in the pouring rain, talking to a turtle who was making it clear we were interrupting his plans and holding him up.
3. I throw the jeep in park, put on my flashers, and off I went – in the pouring rain – trying to get this turtle to move. The only saving grace was 1., the likeliness of anyone knowing me out in this sleepy little turtle loving town was slim and 2. There was absolutely no traffic, at first…
4. Now holding up traffic and after some discussion, the turtle, who was not the least impressed with my good intentions finally made his way on his tiny little legs to the other side. After a good talking to and his making it clear I needed to mind my own business, he looked over his shoulder and off to the greener pastures he went. Great, mission accomplished, and we were on our way. We drive away and turn around to head back in the direction of home. I didn’t get too far before turning around but it was far enough to give the turtle time to – you guessed it – go right back out where we found him, in the middle of the road. Don’t let turtles fool you, they move faster than you’d think…he had already made it back to the yellow line by the time I had turned around. Again, pick a side friend. I can’t imagine that your life is that exciting that you have to play chicken crossing the road all day. This time however another good Samaritan stopped. This wasn’t his first rodeo because he knew enough to proceed cautiously carrying a big stick to prod this guy back from where he came. Our job done, we didn't stick around to see if the turtle stayed put.
5. Coming home and reading about turtles and roadways we found some suggestions and reasons for turtles being seen crossing the roads and what to do about it. Obviously, don’t run him or her over; proceed with caution as if it is a snapping turtle like this disgruntled fellow, or you will get bit; should you prod a turtle to get out of the road, encourage it to continue on its way in the direction it was going; don’t pick up a turtle and drop it off to another location you may feel is safer, they’re creatures of habit and may have been hanging out in this location for decades, mind your business; never bring a turtle home as a pet; and, this turtle in particular may have been a she, who was laying eggs or checking on the eggs she had already left in her nest. That’s your PSA for the week…you’re welcome. To learn more, check this out...
6. Let’s move on and get back to Gramma Edie. Exhibit 2, Gramma Edie on her 101st Birthday. She, like the turtle, was unimpressed by the events of her day, but was happier to see me than that turtle was. According to Edie, being 101 is no big deal, but instead finds this to be a nuisance. She told us there is no reason to be that “old” and live that long taking up space. During our visit her lunch arrived and after a quick look at what was being offered, she made it clear she wasn’t interested. Having been down this road before we went through the items on her tray determining which she may eat and which she would soon turn into a projectile if not removed. This left her with a fruit cup, apple juice, milk and the chocolate cupcake we brought her from the Bean Counter. She could’ve cared less about the mixed vegetables or whatever the attempt at the Italian meal was they were attempting to pass off, she wasn’t having it. Again, If you live to be 101 you should be able to eat whatever you want, defying the food pyramid. That and she’s bored and food throwing has become her sport. Keep taking your chances people, I don’t know what to tell you. I think if she wants chocolate all day let her have it, at this point, what does she have to lose and you’re just making more work for yourselves.
7. Exhibit 3. Found this annoying little gem at the Dunkins Drive through over in Gold Star. One would think that it would take far more effort to leave your trash on the drive thru ordering station than it would to place in a trash can, yet we see this all the time. Looks like too much work to me. Don’t be a jerk, throw away your trash accordingly and don’t leave it for some under paid Dunkins employee to pick up. Those poor people are now left to dodge the drive thru traffic to clean up your mess because you had nothing better to do. Get it together.
8. The Kelley Square peanut. Speaking of nuisances and sport. Made the mistake of swinging in the gas station over there this week and when exiting the lot on one of the side streets, traffic was getting held up to the entrance to Kelley square - some guy decided to throw himself on the ground with his hands behind his head as if he were being arrested. No cops in site. No cruisers, police on horses, motorcycle cops, officers on bikes, on foot or on Segway…no official of the law in site. There was however a DPW Nuisance Inspector truck driving by and that is the vehicle this clown decided to throw himself in front of because he thought he was hysterical. Joke’s on you pal, you will get run over here at Kelley Square just out of principle for holding up traffic. Be a little smarter than that. And that kids, is your PSA for the week - just another reason offered up to you by The Woo as to why you should stay in school and not do drugs. You’re welcome again.
9. Goose and her mind powers…a regular occurrence in this house when any kid who lives here tries to eat anything. Goose attempts to convince these kids they should share. Sometimes it works, therefore she thinks she can control them with her mind…poor Goose. She has no idea what the hell’s going on.
10. As if the world hasn’t gone crazy enough here’s what I’d like to know…what kind of person steals body parts from a lab? And who is buying said body parts? I guess there really is a market for everything…
And last but not least, if you take one lesson from this weeks Antics people, let it be that no matter what your circumstances, you shouldn't play in traffic.
Have a great weekend!
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