Your Weekly Antics, May the 4th Be With You Edition...5-4-23

What a week! For you Star Wars fans out there today is a most coveted and loved day, hence the phrase noted in the title of this weeks Antics. Don’t know what May the 4th Be With You means? Well kids, it’s a play on words calling back to "May the Force be with you," a common saying among Jedi and believers of the Force in Star Wars. What’s the appropriate response for this phrase of well wishes? If you’d like to step it up a notch and respond with something more than thank you, you can respond, “And also with you" or "May the Force be with us all." This way, you are sending good wishes back to the person you're speaking to. And just when you think today is the only day in this week of significance, tomorrow, May 5th is Cinco de Mayo and the start of May's full moon - the flower moon - like a name like that makes up for the anarchy she causes, I don't think so. We see you hiding behind that sweet name of yours and we know better. Here's what I've got...

More reasons why I hate going to court, therefore will never lead a life of crime…

1. Contrary to popular belief, I do clean up every once in awhile, and do so when I have to go to court when I’m required to wear work appropriate clothing – this normally involves ironing a shirt. This wouldn’t be such a hassle but a., as soon as I put my seat belt on the shirt wrinkles and b. I then have a crisp ironed shirt that ultimately ends up wrinkled and coffee stained - because why wouldn’t I spill my coffee when I’m in a rush and wearing work appropriate clothing? If I was wearing an old stained t-shirt that puppy would remain clean and unscathed all day long - so much so, I could get away with wearing it again the next day.

2. I’m not a quiet person. I like to talk. I can’t sit still. I’m a social butterfly that could very easily talk the paint right off a wall. Anyone want to guess what it’s like for me to remain completely quiet while waiting for my case to be heard? Torture. And yes, for those of you who are wondering…you will be told, not asked, to be quiet.

3. Every time you go to court you’re told, oh this will be quick…you’ll be in and out of here in no time. Lies. All lies. I love you dearly Cynthia E, but this couldn’t be any further from the truth. Please refer back to #2...I've never been in and out of court in any less than 3 hours, which is three hours too long. I actually get a headache from all the quiet - I hate every single second of it. I like to do the work of the people outside of the courthouse.

4. I’m a magnet and chronically pick up strays. Stray animals and stray people. Doesn’t matter how often I go down there or take precautions to look unwelcoming and grumpy, there’s always some poor soul who finds me and hunkers down. I end up hearing their life story which involves how they wound up at the courthouse to begin with. This is naturally due to no fault of their own. Again, I'll talk to anybody. What's concerning is my good character detection meter is off kilter as of late, and these people are at the courthouse for infractions that are generally frowned upon by the good citizens of our court system. Sorry my new best friend, I will not be available to visit you when you're shipped off to the clink for the next 12-18 months. Get it together.

5. Wondering why I'm not a better Catholic? Please refer to #2 …my inability to stay still, quiet and attentive is lacking. I should not be allowed in a crowd that expects such from me. We all have our faults people, this would be mine.

6. I have to be the easiest person to scan when going through the metal detector upon entering the building because I leave everything and anything of importance other than my ID and my cell phone behind. I don't take anything I can't quickly throw in a pocket with me because I can't be trusted not to lose things. It's like some force within the walls permeates my brain and before I know it, I've lost my keys, my wallet, my money and my mind. I've learned this over the years, this would be why I didn’t have any money on me to buy myself a coffee…lucky for me Claire was also at the courthouse for a much anticipated morning of boredom and came to my caffeine rescue...that brings us to #7...

7. When you’re told, let’s take a short break and you think you can run to the courthouse basement where the cafeteria is hidden to grab a quick cup of joe. You think that's happening in 10 minutes? That would be a hard no. But you're so decaffeinated at that point that you can't make good sense of what you can actually accomplish in those ten minutes, and you think to yourself, I can do that. I can get on the elevator, run down there, grab a scalding hot coffee, ingest all of it, and still get back on the elevator and back in to the courtroom in that ten minutes time. Again, let's review...poor judgement, and decaffeinated, I'm off my game. But Claire, the good, pure, unjaded non bitter soul that she is - full of optimism and light, yet to be ruined by this job - she's all for it. We can make the mad dash to get coffee and we can absolutely accomplish this task in that time frame. Oh young Skywalker, you too will someday learn...

8. Oh Claire...blinded by optimism and a heart of gold, takes on the quest of coffee goodness. She had no idea this would include floating the cost of her slacking ill prepared co worker, who herself had never attempted this task and been within the walls of the courthouse cafeteria, and didn't have so much as a five dollar bill on her. Claire accomplished the quest of purchasing and securing both coffees, however quickly learned that despite our best efforts a large full hot coffee could not be ingested in under 10 minutes courtroom time. Making the most of the three sips enjoyed, we were then strongly cautioned against hiding hot beverages in Claires bag to be smuggled in to the courtroom to enjoy while we waited...Cynthia had better things to do than have her good name dragged through the mud because we considered not following the rules and bringing our coffee's into the courtroom. How did this all work out you ask? Both full coffees met their wasteful end in the trash. That itself is a crime.

9. Parking. Doesn’t matter where you go, unless you plan on walking a country mile you’re paying $20 to park. Sure, ESW reimburses us, but it’s just the point. If you get there early enough you may be able to find a meter on one of the side streets and pay a few bucks, but I’ve never in my life ever gotten out of the courthouse before my meter ran out, which then results in my $2 parking meter fee reaching $100 by the time I get around to paying it. I’m sure someone reading this week will tell me that there’s some app or something that would allow me to pay additional money towards that meter prior to it expiring, but that would require me having access to my debit card, which would be in my wallet, which I don’t bring with me to the courthouse as I noted in #7 because I travel light people. I don’t have time to lug all that extra stuff around. If you think about it, we’re actually paying to do the work of the people.

10. Another significant event this week kids...if anyone should run in to Al, please remind him that the Red Sox beat the Blue Jays not once, not twice, but three times this week. I don't care that it's only May - a win's a win, or three wins.

And last but not least ...

Good luck and God speed this week people - enjoy your tequila and taco's tomorrow, but be warned the May Flower Moon will be messing with you. May the 4th be with all of us, we're gonna need it.

Have a great weekend!