Your Weekly Antics - Kachow! The Ghosts of Christmas Past Edition...12-15-22

Here we are people, the middle of December. Just 9 more shopping days left until Christmas, count them, nine, so let's hope you've gotten your act together or you'll be binge shopping at CVS at 5pm Christmas Eve. Nothing against CVS, but they don't want to see you at 5pm on Christmas Eve any more than you want to be there. Be smarter than that...here's what I've got...

1. RG and her remote control car…picture this...Reaghan, new to middle child status as that would have been the first year having a younger sibling, fell victim to the unfortunate Christmas event that will live on in her memory forever. All the other countless Christmas memories that should come to mind will not be recalled and will all but be forgotten but this one. This one event will be reminisced time and time again for generations to come. Picture this…the middle Kap kid and her then adorable 6 year old self. It’s a warm, balmy, and unseasonably warm Christmas day, a nice day to go outside and try out her new favorite toy from Santa. Her Dad and older brother accompany her, presumably to help her operate the thing. She heads out, armed with her brand new shiny remote control Lightning McQueen Car. For those of you who aren’t familiar, Lightning McQueen was the star of the Pixar film Cars and one of the Kap kids favorite movies (Exhibit 1). This was the most asked for and sought-after gift of the middle child; in fact, it was the only gift she asked for that year other than the rehoming of her baby sister. I hate to age myself, but this was before Amazon and all this online shopping – we hunted high and we hunted low as the purchase of this gift involved running from store to store until we found it. Imagine the halo of sparkling lights that shined down upon the toy and que the music of angels as it was located, the last of its kind, on the store shelf. Snatched up and purchased we head home feeling pretty good about ourselves. Are you following? Picking up what I’m putting down? Know where this is heading? On to #2…

2. Please note what was said above, that the middle kids Dad and older brother were outside in the driveway with her, helping her learn how to operate her new favorite toy, supposedly supervising. Our house is located on a corner in a quiet residential, low traffic neighborhood. We have a decent sized driveway that a kid could easily operate a remote controlled car, in fact, the kids used to ride their bikes around in the driveway, to give you an idea of the space. So there she is, 6 year old Reaghan, out in the driveway with her Dad and brother, learning how to operate her brand new, shiny, most coveted, Lightning McQueen car when she uses that controller to send poor Lightning McQueen right out in to the middle of the street. A long comes the only car to drive up our road the entire day and splat, runs over Lighting, smashing him in to tiny bits, not stopping and driving away. Was the kid distraught? Of course she was. Was it hysterical for the rest of us? Yes again.

3. Now 2 has appropriately set me up for #3. The plight of the middle kid didn’t stop there folks, it continues. Fast forward 14 years later and that brings me to this years Christmas card. Being the wonderful Mother that I am and despite my children growing up and getting their own lives, I still insist on the photo Christmas card. You faithful readers may remember last years Christmas card threats, that I would in fact have the stick figure family I drew myself turned in to a card and sent to everyone they know if I couldn’t peg them all down together to take a decent Christmas card worthy photo. The offspring, knowing not to mess with me, eventually got together for a picture and the 2021 Christmas card was born. This year, I don’t have time for that nonsense or to chase these people down, so I used individual pictures of them and threw them all on a card. Easy peasy, right? Of course not…I received the Christmas card order in the mail today and there it was – the partially cut off head of one of the Kap kids. Do I need to tell you whose head it was? Of course I don’t – the middle kid, partially beheaded, ready to spread Christmas joy for all the world to see, like the non red headed stepchild. This week's Antics is the first she's hearing about - it's easier to break bad news in a crowd, right?

4. It’s winter people, and with winter comes cold and snow and ice and sleet and freezing rain and all the fun stuff New England has to offer. Here’s motivation to take it slow, make sure your sidewalks are sanded and that you are mindful of where you step on our fine city streets and walkways– door cams and home security cameras. One fall and the landing of your airborne self on an icy sidewalk will be the neighbors entertainment as they sit at work being alerted by the camera app installed on their phone that there’s some activity outside of their house. They may grab a cup of coffee, treat themselves to a snack, or hell, even invite their co workers in another cube to hop on over, defy all social distancing, and gather around their phone to watch the struggle that is you attempting to get up off that icy sidewalk. They may even enjoy it so much, they choose to re-watch the debacle that was you, over and over again on a loop. You may finally get your 15 minutes of fame when you discover there's a meme of you out there floating about the internet...the possibilities are endless. So make sure you have those Yack Tracks for your shoes at the ready and that little bag of portable sand from the office on hand before you head out to the streets to do the work of the people - no need to provide the citizens of the Woo free entertainment.

If you too would like to take advantage of such free entertainment, check out these smart cameras that can be found just about anywhere. Why not make fun of your neighbors by watching their follies on camera? May as well or you'll find yourself sitting around watching The Hallmark Channel - there's nothing else on tv - check out the link...

https://www.target.com/p/amazon-blink-mini-1080p-security-camera/-/A-86774485?preselect=79798655#lnk=sametab

5. Note to self, after baking dozens of Christmas cookies for your son and his roommates, don’t hide the cookies from your husband on top of the refrigerator. When they fall, they fall hard – no one wants to decorate Christmas crumbs.

6. According to CNN, Black Friday was a success and we have Gen Z to thank for it. Who or what is Gen Z you ask? Let me clarify…Generation Z (or more commonly Gen Z for short), colloquially known as zoomers, is the Western demographic cohort succeeding Millennials and preceding Generation Alpha. Researchers and popular media use the mid-to-late 1990s as starting birth years and the early 2010s as ending birth years. CNN reported that the country’s malls were over run by Gen Z’ers, not just out spending their hard earned cash, but using the mall as a gathering place, catching up with friends, and making their shopping an event. I’m here to say, good for them and keep on shopping. I continue to contribute to our nations economy by doing all my shopping on line, no way in hell will you find the likes of me in a mall, especially during the holidays unless under duress, I’ve been abducted, or under duress because I’ve been abducted. You want my opinion? Probably not. The mall is the Devils workshop. There, I’ve said it.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/04/business/gen-z-holiday-shoppers/index.html

7. Exhibit #1 – text message between 2 Gen Z’ers you all know and love...spending mystery solved…

8. Despite all the spending going on out there, the worker shortage continues. Don’t torment the cashiers who choose to show up at work. It’s not their fault there are only two of them, the other six registers remain unmanned and you’re standing in a line 10 people deep. It’s your own damn fault you’re at the store in the first place when you could’ve stayed in the comfort of your own home in your jammies, shopping online. Also…has anyone else noticed that there appears to be an increase in retail workers/cashiers who are over the age of 70? There are lots of them out there people, so be kind, there’s no need to be a jackass. If you can’t be nice while shopping in public, do the world a favor and order your stuff online, it’s that simple.

9. For those of you who were not aware, there were big happenings at Elder Services this week – big happenings – while venturing in to the office on Wednesday I found myself in the presence of greatness. I will reference once again the halo of sparkling lights and voices of angels as I did earlier in The Antics, to help describe the enormity of this event. Even then, this description does not quite depict the degree of greatness and good fortune that was bestowed upon me on this fine afternoon. I wander on in to the office minding my own business, and as luck would have it, there was not one, but two local legends walking down the same hallway at the same time that I was occupying. I shouldn’t have to tell you who they were, but for those who may have altered mental capacity and cannot quickly recall, I’ll tell you…Kathie Hudson and Jim Burns. A glorious day it was. So glorious in fact, I feel I should share with you the music that was playing in my head when spotting them…don't jip yourselves people, you need the music...

Exhibit 2 https://youtu.be/O9Fl6y3FDz4

10. This seems about the right time to share with you a tried and true recipe that may assist you in relaxing and settling down after some holiday shopping. This is an alcoholic beverage that should only be consumed by those of legal drinking age and who have the ability to drink responsibly...what this means is, should you be dumb enough to venture out to the mall, you should not drink this while sitting in the parking lot or you'll be spending Christmas in the clink. Here you go…

Christmas in a Cup, by Bugs…

3 parts Fireball

2 parts Sour Apple Schnapps or Sour Apple Pucker

1 part pineapple juice

Chill and enjoy…

You're welcome.

And last but not least, again, you've got limited time left to get your shopping done - you've been warned - don't come crying to me when you're in the dog house - get it together Angel.

Have a great weekend!