Your Weekly Antics, It's too Hot for Crime Edition... 7-13-23

Well kids, it’s summer and it’s July. As July’s usually go in this neck of the woods, it’s been hotter than hell with 99% humidity all day every day. I am not a fan of the heat, but throw in a side of the muggies and I’m not happy. I’d like to think that 99% of the population feels the same way and that would be why everyone is so disgruntled as of late, but I can only speak for myself…here’s what I’ve got…

1. As if our electric bills weren’t high enough and making you feel like your neighbors have been stealing your electricity by weeding one of their outdoor electrical chords through an open basement window, the temperatures, humidity and air conditioning situation is going to break the bank for sure. I triple dog dare National Grid to send me one of those stupid usage letters this month telling me I suck and my neighbors are all more efficient with their electricity than I am. I will respond with a strongly worded letter of my own calling them out on their lies and trouble making. SHUT UP. I don’t want to hear it National Grid - Snow Blowing, Leaf Blowing, Wood Widdling Joe uses just as much energy as I do. Unless you’re giving out electricity for free, keep you comments to yourself and stop causing trouble.

2. Word of the week, apoplectic. The definition of apoplectic is, to be overcome with anger; extremely indignant. Used properly in a sentence… “ Lisa was apoplectic with the on going electricity usage letters she was receiving from National Grid…” This fancy SAT - type word was picked up from a friend of The Antics, Linda Corcoran. Linda is wicked smart and writes for The Boston Globe, this is why she knows all these big and fancy words.

3. I’m not one to order a wedge salad when out for a meal at a restaurant but have plenty of family and friends who do. I'm not passing judgement or ridiculing their meal choice, I just don't like to see my good friends get robbed. I don’t understand the appeal of being served a half a head of lettuce that is going to cost you three times the cost of a full head of iceberg lettuce from the grocery store. Sure, it’s aesthetically pleasing being perfectly sliced down the middle and remaining in one piece, but you’re going to have to cut it up to eat it anyway, so really, isn’t this just going to be more work for you? Aren't you out buying a meal to treat yourself and make your life easier? Some restaurants drizzle that precisely cut half a head of iceberg with blue cheese and bacon, some serve the toppings on the side. And while we're talking about it, doesn't bacon just make everything better to begin with? For the price of anywhere between $11 and $15, I’m thinking shouldn’t the restaurant at the very least mix that all up for you? Exhibit 1, the only time a Wedge Salad has served any purpose for me and that was for this photo op and quote... “ This is only the tip of the iceberg…”

Andrea Lucy Allen, 7/10/23.

4. One of our favorite Worcester Police officers was on vacation last week. It's a good thing because according to him, it's too hot for crime.... to the criminals who may be readers of The Antics, or those of you who may be considering a life of crime, please - we beg of you - wait until the temperatures dip below 70 degrees before you commit any illegal acts. Let's work together people, It's the least you can do.

5. Another friend of The Antics who may or may not be referred to as Al, made this statement....last weeks Antics were kind of boring. No one has seen him since. Coincidence? I don't think so.

6. Meandering through the Mercantile Building last week I was met by the lovely sounds of a piano. Not being sure if it was an electric self played piano or the real deal, I was told by a woman named Maryanne who has her finger on the pulse of the entire building, that the piano is played daily by an attorney who works there. He plays in the mornings before work and then during his lunch hour. We’re not talking classical piano music or show tunes, the day I was there he was banging out Led Zeppelins Stairway to Heaven. So if you find yourself out for a walk some lunch hour in the area of downtown and the Mercantile building and would like to listen to some free live music played in a beautiful and air conditioned space by a Worcester local, The Mercantile Building is where it's at. The pianist is Jesse, tell him we sent you.

7. Exhibit 2, a Foley family fun fest. Someone in this picture doesn’t look like the others and I’ll tell you why. Way in the back is Worcester's own Charlie Payson. Why I find this entertaining and worth a mention is because this kid shows up everywhere and when you least expect it. Talking to a friend from college who lives in Halifax, hey, do you know Charlie Payson? Yes I do…well, he’s here in my kitchen... Another friends son was at a function out of town, what do you know? He’s with Charlie Payson. Road tripping with the Foleys to a concert and who’s in their family photo? No surprise again, Charlie Payson. The kid's everywhere!

8. A life of crime may not be too shabby. Exhibit 3 - this could be a cocktail or a mocktail. What's more fun that stumbling upon a friend and discovering a Speakeasy all in the same afternoon? Not much. As one would imagine, a Speakeasy, an establishment shrouded in mystery and folklore often assumed to be that of urban legend, was not easy to find and required assistance from the locals in discovering its location. This establishment, tucked away in the back of a business, required a knock on a concealed window to determine if we met the discretion of the greeter and allowed entry. Was the greeter Charlie Payson? Maybe, maybe not. We can't tell you because everything a Speakeasy is top secret.

9. That brings us to bucket list Friday. The phrase Bucket list Friday has been coined by another man of urban legend and mystery, the legend himself, Matt Noponen. Word on the street is this guy is doing something new and crazy every Friday all summer. When he's not found riding his motorcycle out on the open road, much like John Wayne, he can now be found on horseback enjoying a quiet stroll on the streets and back roads or where ever else you may find a man on a horse in the surrounding towns of The Woo. Keep a look out for him, Giddy up.

10. It wouldn’t be a regular Antics week if we didn’t talk about the plight of woodland creatures. The battle continues here in the hood and I’m happy to report that at least one dog who lives in this house is earning her keep. Harley has been dutifully keeping an eye on my plants and the wayward bastards who spend their days destroying them. To make matters worse, as seen in Exhibit 4, the yard ninja's have put their differences aside and despite being two different species, the squirrels and rabbits have banded together in attempts at intimidating Harley and taking over the yard. Harley has been holding her ground against any and all fury creatures who attempt to make their way near my flowers. Unlike most people in todays society and despite the heat, Harley doesn’t mind a little work and takes her job very seriously. Next week we'll cover the topic of Woodchucks and Colleen B. Mahoney's battle with her own personal caddyshack of Burncoat.

And last but not least, if you've taken anything away from this weeks reading we hope you remember that it's too damn hot out to take on a life of crime...wait until at least November.

Have a great weekend!