Your Weekly Antics, It's Mother's Day, Don't Blow it Edition...5-9-2024

Mother’s Day is upon us people, and I’m here to advise you, don’t screw it up. It’s one day of the year, one day, you should be on your best behavior, so get it together and don’t blow it. Treat those mothers in your life like the Queen’s that they are, whether it’s your mother, your mother’s mother, sister, aunt, best friend, partner, whoever…it doesn’t have to be extravagant, it can be a simple gesture of acknowledgement, a sentiment showing that they are appreciated. I don’t want to hear about one of you bozo’s buying your wife or significant other a vacuum or a new dishwasher, (Angel…), be smarter than that. I can only do so much to save you people, and that would be an unsavable offense...I’d have to sit back and say, good luck and Godspeed...you my dumb friend, are on your own. Here’s what I’ve got…

1. Mother's Day gift ideas...like I said, it doesn't have to be anything extravagant. I don't care how old my kids get, a homemade card still does the trick - to be honest, I'd prefer the homemade card because Hallmark and their $5.79 cards are a waste and just aren't doing it for me. Don't waste the money, that's good coffee money right there. Write something down on a piece of copy machine paper, throw a stick figure on there, fold it up, give it to me, and it's a win.

2. Not only is Mother's Day weekend upon us, but did you know that today is Lost Sock's Memorial Day??? If there's a day for lost socks people, you better make sure not to forget the mothers in your lives...just saying. If you do, you'll have bigger problems than lost socks.

3. Pop Tarts. Doesn't matter what time of the day it is, or where we are inside or outside down here on our corner at the place we call home, the crinkling sound of a Pop Tart wrapper is all it takes to get these dogs running in our direction. Unless of course you're Gibson. All the normal tips and tricks one uses to motivate dogs to do as you tell them does not work on Gibson, who I am beginning to question is really a dog. That dog could care less if you were waving a steak in front of him, he'll come to you when he's good and ready. The less motivated food driven dog ever, he's got things to do, birds to watch, and continue on his journey of protecting all that he can see, from nothing, every single day. We had some kind of woodland creature perusing our lawn the other night and the entire neighborhood heard about it. I looked outside and looked and looked again and I will tell you this...there was nothing there. He protects us from nothing all day every day. Like all the other crazy in my life, I've decided to just embrace it. And just for the heck of it, Exhibit 1, everyone needs a smart ass little sister...

4. Dogs are our kids too... There are dogs out there who can sense a storm is coming, start pacing, and look for places to hide…long before that first rumble of thunder. Never in my years on this planet have I had the pleasure of living with a dog who enjoys thunderstorms. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you of which dog I speak, but you guessed it, the dog in question is Gibson, even the others in our pack look at him like he's nuts. This dog can sense a wet weather event at least an hour in advance and begins his shenanigans to get himself outside. The pacing, the whining, the pulling of cushions off the couch, anything to annoy us so he gets tossed out into the rain, and I fall for it every single time. Yesterday for instance…he started his antics, and I kicked him out…see ya later dog, have at it. It starts raining, then a little bit of thunder, then the loud thunder came and there he was, laying comfortably in the middle of the yard with his face to the sky as if to say, bring it Mother Nature, I’m not afraid of you. I’d go out front to call him and he’d take off running. Then there’s lighting, he still didn’t care. He eventually made his way inside when Al was pulling in from work making it look like I had neglected him and left him outside in the rain all day. Of course he did, because Al likes that dog better than all of us.

5. It is no secret that it is my personal opinion that the NBA basketball season is the longest season ever and needs to be cut in half. I'm sure it's not, but it seems to be on every channel, every day, all day long. If it doesn't end soon or I don't find a way to block these games from seeing and hearing about them every day, you're going to see me on an episode of Snapped. Nicole, tell Chris. I'm not playing.

6. You know you’ve left the Woo when you’re in one of the surrounding towns who live a bit more rurally than us Worcester-ites are used to. You stop into their one and only local coffee shop for your caffeine fix, and you find you are the only person in that establishment not adorned head to toe in camouflage. Maybe if I change my wardrobe out to cammo print, the individuals I try to help here in the Woo will have a better excuse when they do nothing I advise them to...they can say they never saw me, as opposed to just ignoring every bit of sound advice and direction I gave them.

7. Worcester as we all know has its own set of oddities, never knowing what one may see when out and about. Sitting in the traffic on Shrewsbury Street no thanks to the street closures and traffic caused by the Walking Dead filming, I sat looking around. There in the window of one of the stores was this…Exhibit 2. I don’t know what this is, why this is, the reason this is…all I know is that it’s creepy and has no business staring at traffic out a window. Set it on fire.

8. Driving down West Boylston Street last week over near Crust and across from Shaw's grocery store for those who may not be familiar, I found myself at the light. To my right, was the bus stop and a cast of characters waiting to hop on the next bus that came by. It was not one of my regulars Cliff or any of the others who caught my eye, however. My attention was drawn to the large life-sized stuffed bear that was propped up in the tree. As much as I wanted to take a picture of this scene I did not, because I am a law-abiding citizen, and do not participate in such driving infractions as texting and driving. #scaredstraight #reformeddriver #donttextanddriveoryouregoingtotheclink

9. Hank the Mantle Fish is out of food kids, and we blame Captain America. The youngest kid has been chipping in to Hanks food supply for Captain, or Steve if you will, and low and behold Hank’s food supply is all out. How hard can it be to pick up fish food to replenish the secret stash you ask? It wouldn’t be any problem at all if Hank wasn’t finicky and didn’t go on a hunger strike whenever he doesn’t get the exact food he likes. Laugh it up if you will, but I’m not going to have a starved fish death on my conscience, I have enough to worry about I don’t need that hanging over my head. I went to three pet stores this week looking for the exact food he likes and can’t find it. Went on Amazon, sure, they have it for triple the price, but Hank’s worth it, right? Click, it’s in my cart, order submitted and will be here by Tuesday night. I get a message that the shipment has been delayed. Are you kidding me…it’s fish food, fish food, for a Beta Fish – Hank may think he’s some kind of rare exotic fish, but he in fact is a $2.99 Beta fish from the local pet store. He is of course one of a kind if you’re judging by his sparkling personality, but to the beta fish food making community, I’m thinking he’s pretty average, so where the hell is his food? Why is it back ordered? Are there millions of mantle fish like himself we’re not aware of who are eating all of it? And you all know, and I know, if I buy this fish food in bulk because I couldn’t get my hands on it this time around, he’ll up and die, that’s just the way things go. From now until Friday at 10 pm which is the estimated time of delivery of back ordered beta fish food, peanut butter and crackers it is.

10. I respect this move and can get behind and support it all day long. Especially the way the traffic has been all over the place, you gotta do what you gotta do. Exhibit 3, ran across this fabulous scene in Marlboro a few weeks back. You can't tell by the angle of this photo, but this scooter is parked perfectly between the lines in the local post office parking lot. If the traffic keeps up at the rate we're going, we may need to start accessing other forms of transportation, and this doesn't seem like a bad idea.

And last but not least, for any of your last-minute Mother's Day gift giving ideas, stop into the Plant Ward on Pleasant Street in Tatnuck Square this weekend...they'll take good care of you!

Have a great weekend!