Your Weekly Antics It's Like Shuffling Deck Chairs on the Titanic Edition...2-3-2022

Well Kids, I hope you enjoyed the balmy 45 degree weather we had on Wednesday here in The Woo because it's not going to last. We have another messy storm front heading our way and if you talk to any Worcester Public School kids out there they'll most likely tell you that they're feverishly checking the snow day calculator app on their phones hoping for a snow day Friday. Although I hate to break it to them, the powers that be will most likely keep school open. If Mother Nature and Punxsutawney Phil have it their way, there'll be ice added to the Luge track type roads that are now every side street in the city as we try to fenagle our way up and down the streets doing the work of the people. On Suburban Road our first day back to work after the first Blizzard of 2022 I was accosted by an elderly driver and her passenger, because apparently, in addition to everything else that the public seems to think Elder Services controls, I was solely responsible for the poorly plowed street that would not allow her and her big ass car, to pass. Listen lady, I'm not any happier than you are with the conditions of our lovely side streets, take it to the man...those in charge seem to think a fabulous job was done by all clearing our fine city's roadways. The outskirts of Worcester are starting to look better and better... Here's what I've got...

1. Being environmentally friendly, or lazy? You be the judge…Exhibit 1 – the inner workings of the youngest Kap kid. Her explanation you ask? Why dirty an extra dish that will require the use of water to wash when she can just put her homemade mac and cheese away in the fridge in its original pan. Pain in my arse is what she is.

2. The United States Postal Service. Long before we had Amazon and abused the likes of Fed Ex and UPS, we relied solely on our faithful tried and true US Postal workers for our mail and package deliveries. The first established Post Office of the original 13 colonies is considered to have been established on July 26, 1775. On that date, Benjamin Franklin was appointed the first American Postmaster General under the Continental Congress. The words "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds" have long been associated with the American postal worker, but is not their official creed. They actually don’t have an official creed which is disappointing as their chosen profession involves their schlepping through all kinds of weather to bring us our mail and this service is often taken for granted. Exhibit 2 - You can’t see our faithful Mailman of the 02 in this photo, you're just going to have to take my word for it. This poor guy was out there being tossed around in the snow globe that was last Saturdays storm. I'm here to say, we appreciate his efforts, as does the Kap Pack. They particularly like our regular fill in Postal Worker because she brings dog treats.

3. I’ll admit that we talk a lot about the weather here in the Antics, but what can I say? The weather provides us with all sorts of tid - bits and material. This for instance…do you think that it’s engrained in the heads of future meteorologists while attending meteorology school that no one will believe their forecasts without visual proof? Maybe they’re required to take a class dedicated to teaching that unless they throw some poor unsuspecting rookie news reporter, from the middle of Arizona , who’s never seen a flake of snow before, into the eye of the storm with 75 mph winds and 12 foot waves - if they don't do so, no one will believe their forecast? Unless they have a cameraman trying to drive up, or better yet down any of the Worcester Hills, that no one's taking their word for it? Doesn’t matter what their charts and graphs say, we want visual proof. You don’t believe us the weatherman asks? Check out our news reporter standing on some beach on the South shore...

What? You can't see him? That's because the poor bastard just got pummeled by that 12 foot wave we told him to stand by and got himself sucked out to sea...Exhibit 3, some of Saturdays waves…

4. Perusing through online news this weekend I was reminded of this. Any of you ever hear of The Boston Yeti? Well here he is people. John Campopiano, aka The Boston Yeti, has been a staple of the winter season since he first decided to put on a yeti costume and go walking around in the snow seven years ago. He walks about the neighborhoods of Boston spreading cheer while dawning a shovel and helping people out. Worcester needs a Yeti or a Polar Bear or something – we could use some good cheer spread through the hood. Exhibit 4 The Boston Yeti. Keep an eye out people, fun fact - word on the street is he's planning on releasing a childrens book one of these days. We're always trying to keep you in the know here at The Antics...

5. Got a little bored and restless come Sunday and one tiny cleaning project turned in to a huge clean out. Amazing how well Al can hear and tune in to what’s going on when he suspects that I’m throwing away his stuff. Despite not planning it, it really did work out in my favor because he soon took over and my clean out project turned in to his clean out project. Total Win. Exhibit 5 - no, that's not Al, that's another Photo of Boston's Yeti.

6. After putting in a valiant effort Al could be heard sputtering in the basement talking to the cat or himself or whoever, making plans as to what and how he was going to dispose of the cellar's entire contents come spring. Nothing will be spared - everything's going - if we haven't used it yet, we'll never use it - why in God's good name are we saving this??? Then came the final statement... it's like shuffling deck chairs on the Titanic...all we're doing is moving the piles from one end of the basement to the other. Again, better him than me. Heads up Dennis O'Connor and Superior Waste, Al's got a job coming your way...

7. Shout out to Andrea and Colleen who not only read the Antics faithfully every week, but heed the sound and logical advice that is occasionally doled out. Please see Exhibits 6 & 7 - photo evidence that they took our advice and kept their dryer vents free and clear after the blizzard to keep the inhabitants of their homes safe. Good job ladies... I'm glad someone's reading.

8. I thought for sure there was a full moon coming or maybe we were still suffering the after effects of the last one...who knows what's happening. All I know is that the next full moon isn't until mid February, therefore I have no good explanation why everyone everywhere has been off the rails. As Al likes to say, it's like sailing a rudderless ship. Everyone's lost their dam minds. Maybe it's the snow? Maybe it's winter? Maybe it's a phenomenon caused by the Pandemic, seeing as COVID and the Pandemic are being blamed for everything that could possibly go wrong. I don't know people, your guess is as good as mine. We're all in a bad mood people, get over it.

9. Don't tell me you did something that you didn't do and had no intention of doing when you agreed to do it. Just tell me you don't want to do it, so I can find someone who will do it, or I'll do it myself so that when I'm wondering why it didn't get done I'm not coming at you asking why you didn't do it. I'd much rather you tell me you don't want to do it, don't plan on doing it, aren't getting someone else to do it, don't know how to do it, don't care enough to do it, and that you're not planning on doing it, than me finding out about it weeks later that it was never done. All that's going to do is piss me off and this will not end well for you. Quit being a scrub and wasting my time.

Do. Your. Dam. Job.

10. It's easier to ask forgiveness than get permission...how long did you all think I'd be able to Keep Sue Miller from going to her Grandchildren's basketball games? It's okay to charge hundreds of dollars to pack TD Garden with fans to watch the Celtics, but our local athletes can't have fans at their games. Yet they're all in school on top of each other all day long, 5 days a week. Makes tons of sense. And in case anyone asks, Sue Miller may or may not have attended a game or two - maybe this is an old photo from last season? Who knows? We do our best to fact check here at The Antics, but we're not perfect and can only do our best. Exhibits 8 some of Grammy's favorite players.

#susieisthebomb

And last but not least people, stay calm. Channel your inner Zen and may your mantra be like mine, Serenity Now. When you feel like you're gonna lose it and blow your top start saying things out loud to yourself like - tranquility; serene; peaceful; stillness; or start humming show tunes, because at least when you do eventually crack, you can say you put in a good effort to rein it in before you finally lost it. Be sure to say these things out loud and in public - if all else fails, people will at least be leery of you and leave you alone. However you want to play it, this act will benefit you.

Have a great weekend!