Your Weekly Antics, I Told You So Edition...6-22-23

Well kids, sometimes it's hard, but I always say I give credit where credit is due. I don't necessarily do so just because I'm fabulous, but because it's easier and far less painful to give credit first before you have to hear someone like your spouse, say I told you so...it sends me right over the edge, doesn't help matters, and is always said when I'd least like to hear it. Read on if you'd like to hear that yes this week I did give credit where credit was due, making this statement as much as it pained me to do so, to Al, who earned it. That, and if he said I told you so the likeliness of me writing this weeks Antics from the clink was high. Here's what I've got...

1. Towels. I can remember growing up and my Mom putting out the good towels for when company was coming and being forbidden to use certain good towels for every day use. Those special coveted towels sat in the linen closet, folded with care, and even if there was not a spare to be found, you didn’t use them...if you knew what was good for you, you’d drip dry before messing with Sue Miller’s good towels. You would have to wait until the laundry was done, the linen closet replenished, and as we grew older and learned how to use the washer and dryer, we did the load of towels ourselves. Do any of you still have good towels in your homes, or is that a thing of the past? We at the Kap house do not have good towels. It’s a free for all here. With a family of 5, and a houseful of dogs and any other stray animal or person who may find their way here, any towel located inside this house is fair game. Doesn’t matter if it’s a soft fluffy brand-new towel or one full of holes that looks like it’s been put through a meat grinder…there is no towel discrimination here in this house. This is why I decided it was about time to replenish the stock.

2. With a towel replenishment plan in mind, I go online to Wal Mart and peruse the site, looking at the different towels they have. I see a few here and there that look like they’ll fit the bill and accomplish what they’re intended to accomplish, dry us off when coming out of the shower. But the colors…so many colors to choose from. I decide they’re towels; I don’t care if they match, let’s have some fun and get some different colors…bright orange ones at a discount most likely because they’re the least popular color? Sure, throw them in my online shopping cart. Over sized purple ones, again, on sale…let’s do it up – in the cart they go. I think well, this is the rock bottom of adulthood, like a box of brand new un used crayons, I'm excited about all the colors of towels to choose from... I then get distracted, and decide I’ll get back to my online towel shopping spree another day, and I went to bed...dreaming of colored towels dancing in my head...(not really, but it rhymed, so why not...)

3. The next day comes, and I go back online. My cart is empty. That’s okay, I’ll start over and once again peruse the online site and look at all of the color options. Perhaps peruse is the wrong word to use, because according to Webster's Dictionary, the definition of peruse is to read thoroughly or with great care…I may or may not have been looking and clicking with care - I'm thinking these towels didn't magically appear in my on line shopping cart on their own. Is it a thing to possibly, maybe accidentally, unintentionally purchase every - single - towel you ever laid eyes on? I only ask this because boxes full of towels started showing up at random that very day.

4. Let's use the day spoken of in #3 as Day 1 which was Father’s Day. I had finally bitten the bullet, went online and made what I thought was my total towel purchase thinking I did so for curbside pick-up. Imagine my surprise when I placed the order at noonish and the order found its way to my front door by 3pm. I must’ve hit delivery instead of curbside…damn, Wal Mart is fast. I dumbly thought, well that works out in my favor, a happy accident...one less trip to the store I have to make.

5. Monday, box #2 arrives. I initially think, hmmm, wonder if the order I received the day earlier didn’t have everything I ordered in it, so I look. No, not the case at all. The same exact order of towels are in that box that had been delivered to me as the day before. Must’ve been a web site error. No big deal, I’ll just bring them to Wal Mart and return them…I’ll have to be more careful next time. Al says, don’t return them…we can always use extra towels. He’s probably right, let’s just keep them. Again, as luck would have it, that makes one less trip to the store for me, I hate dealing with returns. That thought was until box #3 arrived later that day, again full of towels. Al sees the box and it was then that I fess up and admit I must’ve made an ordering mistake because yes, that box contains more towels. Al begins to mutter what he always mutters when it comes to me placing any orders online with Wal Mart, and I tell him, do yourself a favor and walk away...I don’t want to hear about it…

6. Tuesday. Tuesday comes and with it another Wal Mart box arrives, this time on my deck. I open it up…another set of towels and a set of sheets. I remember looking at the sheets but then deciding I didn’t really care for them and definitely don’t remember putting them in my cart. What the hell is going on now? Why am I getting another box with a set of sheets and two sets of towels? Could I have possibly bought those by accident? Al comes home, sees the box, shakes his head…definitely says something on the lines of, why do you insist on dealing with Wal Mart online? You always have a problem. I know, I know, I get it – I’ll take care of it. I’ll never order from them again, and I go about getting on line, starting the return, and going about my day.

Exhibit 1 - even Grogu was disgusted with our towel deliveries.

7. Wednesday – you guessed it…I come home from doing the work of the people and there sits another Wal Mart package, this time a giant bag – again, full of towels as well as dishcloths. The bag gets brought inside and hidden, the box kicked under the table, and me muttering to the youngest Kap kid, do not mention this to Dad, I don’t want to hear about it. I start to reason with myself...no big deal, I needed to replenish the dishcloth supply anyway…they’ll go to good use…that works for me. Then I start to wonder…how many new towels do I have now and where the hell am I going to put them? Then genius hits me...I'll throw the boxes in the back of the jeep, out of Al's line of vision and get them returned to Wal Mart before he has the chance to once again tell me I told you so. I told you to stop shopping on Wal Mart's on line site...it never works out for you. Blah blah blah, whatever....

8. Wednesday night…do I need to say it? Another box arrives, this time with a set of red towels. Now no offense to anyone who likes the color red, but I definitely would not have intentionally bought a set of red towels. I’m now starting to come to the conclusion that I’ve actually suffered some kind of cognitive episode that may have erased all memory or ability to make any logical online decisions, because how in the hell did I manage to order all of these towels. I start to become concerned. Is someone messing with me? I start planning my return trip to Wal Mart where the customer service people will think I’m nuts, but seriously…was this a website error or a me error? I tell Al, mark this down in your calendar as the day I admit you are right…I need to never shop online at Wal Mart again, ever. I come to the conclusion that the universe has taken Al's side and this is all part of their evil plan to force my hand to make such a statement.

9. In the midst of all this fun, I take a quick trip to visit Gramma Edie. During the ride to see her I start to wonder if I’ll go home to anymore Wal Mart boxes. Of course I did. I didn’t bother to open them. Why you ask? Because I'm over it - and towels - and Wal Mart - all linens - the internet, and everyone possibly connected to online shopping. Those boxes got kicked right under the dining room table. Prior to getting home to yet more deliveries, Gramma Edie was kind enough to tell me, Lisa, you look good for 72...awesome. Please note, I am not 72 and at this rate I may not make it that long.

10. And here we are at Thursday people – I'm working at getting the Antics out and published before anymore packages arrive.

Exhibit 2, Meri and Harry cleaning up on the show table last weekend.

11. And last but not least…my advice for the week is this…do not attempt to do any online shopping before bed, when you’re tired, distracted, hungry, while doing something else, when driving in the car, especially when the store has your credit card info already on file, for yourself, for anyone else, ever. You too may end up getting an endless supply of boxes and orders you have no recollection of buying every day for a week straight.

Have a great weekend!