Your Weekly Antics, Highway Robbery Edition...12/12/25

Well kids, Christmas is quickly approaching. I overheard someone in the office say today that we are two weeks, that’s right, just two weeks, but technically 13 days by the time this is published and you read it, to get it together and get all your holiday stuff done. If you haven’t decorated, DO IT. Throw a wreath up on your door, menorah on your mantle or what have you, and call it a day. Spirit is spirit, no matter how lame you may think it is, or how extravagant that you’d like to make it, the effort is there. If all else fails and you’re feeling bad about your lack of outdoor décor and lighting at home, go ahead and unplug the display of the over achieving neighbors who have been gleefully throwing their light displays in your face since November 1^st…it’ll make you feel better. Here’s what I’ve got…

1. Did you all know that statistically speaking, December 11^th is the most common day to get dumped? That’s right kids…if you made it through yesterday without the good old “it’s not you, it’s me” speech and are still part of a couple, looks like you’re in good shape. If you are the dumper, rather than the dumpee…way to be proactive. Now you can avoid spending money you didn’t want to spend, in addition to avoiding all those awkward and dreaded obligatory visits to the homes of your significant others who you weren’t so sure you liked in the first place.

Exhibit 1, still the best Christmas picture ever.

2.  If you made it through yesterday without getting the boot, there’s still time. According to people who have the time to study and research such things, the next popular day to get shown the door happens towards the end of March. Why you ask? Maybe because by the end of March you’re sick of being snowed in with that individual, have seen the light and decided that there is no way in hell you can spend the rest of your life trapped with them.

Exhibit 2, See Taryn! I told you that tree was still around...

3. Third day to worry about should you be feeling a bit insecure in your relationship, is the Tuesday before Valentines Day. Why Tuesday and not just the day before Valentines day, I have no idea. Again, who the hell has the time to figure this stuff out? Probably someone who gets dumped often.

4. Here’s another fun fact. The bizarre connection between Grammy Edie and the Camry continue. Al informed the youngest Kap kid that he went out and filled the tires of the Camry before he left for work because one tire in particular was extremely low – it needed air or she’d have problems. No sooner did we read that text than I got a call from the Nursing Home that Gramma Edie sustained a little bump and some bruising. Coincidence? I think not.

5. Had myself some more fun going into Boston last week. When I arrived at my destination, I was given detailed directions on how to get where I was supposed to be. I thought I followed those directions to a “t” but still managed to wander off the beaten path, missed a right turn somewhere along the way and wandered right through what should have been secured double doors and may or may not found myself being asked if I was there to “scrub in”. Just kidding, but I was chased out by people far more important that me letting me know I was in a restricted area and to get the hell out.

6. More concerning should be asked about #5 is, how was I able to get that far? Someone should probably look into that.

7. After what could have resulted in a trip to the clink for trespassing or being mistaken for an intruder who meant to do harm, I got to my appointment, and then off I went, back out to the streets to make my way to the Mass Pike. There I was, bumper to bumper traffic because everyone and their brother can't just mind their own business and drive, instead they have to rubber neck their whole way home, when I came upon Starbucks and decided I had earned myself a holiday themed latte. Going in hot to the drive thru line, full of anticipation for my caffeine goodness, I placed my order and was then informed the cost… $9.03. Asking myself what in the fresh hell was $9 all about for a coffee when I knew it wasn’t coming with a song and dance, I was already committed and stuck in line – with buyer’s remorse, there I was left to collect what I thought better be the best coffee of my life and ponder what the deal was with that extra 3 cents. Like they couldn't be happy robbing me of $9, they had to pile on adding insult to injury by adding 3 cents to the total. Bastards...it was highway robbery.  

8. Jokes on Starbucks when they start getting everyone’s stray pennies that are now out of commission because despite the discontinuation of penny production, the penny's value is staying where it is and no one wants their pennies. A cent is a cent is a cent and if they're going to nickel and dime me for that extra 3 cents, I'm paying for the whole kit and kaboodle all in pennies. Giddy up. If you see me in the drive thru line at the Mass Pike Starbucks, you may as well get out from behind me, it may take a while for me to cash out. Mass Pike Starbucks, it's on. See you next week.

9. Trying to enjoy my overpriced Starbucks coffee and rethinking my life choices, off I went. Threw on some Christmas music which has done nothing thus far but disappoint, as I’d like to think there are more than three Christmas songs out there, so why the hell can’t they find their way to the radio…no disrespect Bing Crosby, but enough is enough.

10. Despite the universe messing with me, trying to have me arrested for accidentally wandering into a restricted area and trying to keep me decaffeinated, I powered on undeterred carrying on with my efforts to spread good cheer. That is until I managed to destroy a brand new snowman mug meant for Jim Burns, and more importantly, the universe messed with my Diet Coke. Fine, you win. Exhibits 3 & 4

And last but not least, "where there’s smoke there’s fire, and where there’s fire there’s Burns..." 🔥

Have a great weekend! ☃️