Your Weekly Antics Hanging with My Gnomies Edition...4-27-23

Well kids, it's been a week. We like to keep you all informed of the full moons here at The Antics. May's full moon is just 6 days away people. As much as we like to keep you all informed and prepared for the crazy, the world is such these days that it doesn't matter what the full moon cycle is - the world is just plain nuts all day every day, be careful out there. Here's what I've got...

1. Remember kids, it can always be worse…after seeing this, I bet having poor Bob the mouse hanging around doesn’t seem that bad, does it? I think it's safe to say we don't have to worry about the oldest Kap kid giving up his day job to become the Rat Czar. RIP Bob

2. I’ve decided on my retirement plan. When driving through downtown yesterday, traffic was being held up by me, trying to take a picture of a pick up truck pulling what read to be “The Coffee Cabin”…a mobile coffee building type situation that was the size of a small shed. Looking for more info on this establishment on wheels, I ran across their facebook page and what do you know – they’re run right out of Boylston. I could handle that…drive around here and there and everywhere peddling coffee and cookies. If I don’t like your attitude I could keep on driving. When a customer pisses me off, I can just shut down, hook my coffee cabin back up to my truck and drive away. #retirementgoals

I know nothing about them other than what I saw, but check them out…

www.facebook.com/coffeecabinma/

3. Here’s the sign of a good, life long friend who knows how you operate. This was going to be in last weeks Antics, but you loyal readers out there will know that last weeks Edition was monopolized by Bob the Mouse and all of the disarray he caused. So let’s back up to a few weeks ago when I personally thought I was going to spontaneously combust no thanks to global warming or what have you. The universe, coming up with new ways to torment us - turning up the heat to test our heartiness with little warning and no adjustment period, reminding me why it's always in my best interest to be a decent human being. Why you ask? Because I'm soft and would never make it in hell. Exhibit 1, the lengths Amy Bullett will go to to ensure that I am kept at a comfortable cool temperature at all times. She's known and loved me a long time people...she knows it will only benefit her to keep me in a controlled climate of no more than 70 degrees. Nothing like throwing the AC in your window the second week in April because you love me.

4. Here's something you'll never hear me say - pay close attention...

"Yes, I agree. I think it would be a fabulous idea to allow your stepchild, whom you've never met in the 20 plus years you were married to your deceased spouse, move in with you. Sure, she'll be living there rent free and will be without paid employment, why not make her your paid Caregiver? I think this is such a great idea that I'm not only going to put those thoughts in writing, but I am going to go one step further and write that up in an affidavit. Oh but wait...I want this to happen for you so badly that I'm even going to have that affidavit notarized. And you know what else? Because I agree that this will be the solution to all of your problems, I am going to hand deliver that notarized affidavit that expresses my 100% full support of this plan directly to the person in charge of the Federal Prison where said stepchild has been incarcerated for the past 15 years."

Next time you want to tell me that your stepchild lives out of town and needs to relocate, you might want to be more specific where they plan on relocating from.

Get it together.

5. Back up and re read #4. I can't make this stuff up. Anyone else see a Donkey in what's left of this tree? Exhibit #2

6. Txt from Mom, it’s like she doesn’t even know me…Exhibit 3 If anyone needs something purchased in bulk, Sue Miller’s your connection…send her a list.

7. Talking about life choices, Meri said she was considering forgoing higher education all together and becoming a comedian. However, this would mean that Al would have to quit his job and head out on the road with her because without him and his Dad jokes, she has nothing to make fun of. If Al's busy, she'll have to use Chris's material. Either way I'm thinking this is not a good plan. The Dad jokes are in such an abundance these days we no longer keep track of them.

8. Burn out is real people, in all professions. We are often tasked with trying to keep it together and not express our true feelings and beliefs on a variety of topics here in the Protective Services unit, which can be daunting. We must channel our inner creativity so that we don’t grind our teeth down, chew holes through our cheeks, not realizing we are swearing out loud, believing we’ve kept our comments to ourselves and in our own heads. I’ve got it all figured out. This week after returning from a much-needed hiatus I’ve returned to do the work of the people with a new attitude. I shall channel my rage and frustration and use it to fuel my creativity. Every time I feel like I’m going to toss my lap top through a wall or hear stupid ideas such as the one mentioned in #4, I mold these little guys out of clay and then to prevent myself from ripping my hair out, they get painted. I figure at this rate I’ll be able to run craft time at whatever facility I end up at once this job finally breaks me. Exhibit 4 is entitled, Hanging with my Gnomies… laugh it up people...this activity kept me out of the clink this week.

9. If you think watching golf on T.V. is boring, that's because you're watching it with the wrong people. Should you care to partake in such a weekend afternoon activity, in order to get the most out of it, you must choose your viewing partner wisely. No need to sit around watching golf alone, or worse with someone who expects you to be serious and quiet the entire time. If you'd like to get the most entertainment out of your viewing experience, we suggest you spend a golf viewing afternoon with Sue Miller. You will hear such things as ... "Will you hit the Goddamned thing already?" "Get a hair cut you're on t.v. for crying out loud..." "You took all that time standing around thinking about it and you missed the hole anyway..."

10. Traveling to and from Greenhill a few days a week I've picked up a few things. We may not be solving the worlds problems while weaving in and out of traffic, dodging pedestrians, or hitting the occasional speed bump, but there's talk and I listen.

Be kind

Don't cheat

Be respectful

Don't be bossy

Work hard

Study

Be happy

You're going to be okay

#everyoneshouldbelikerose

And last but not least, keep your eyes out for me. You will eventually see me driving around some kind of mobile coffee type situation with a dashboard full of painted gnomes. Do not be alarmed. It's all good.

Have a great weekend!