Your Weekly Antics, Good Luck and Godspeed Cat, 10-12-23 Edition

Buckle up kids, our second of two Friday the 13th's is upon us and I'm a whole pot and half of coffee in, and it's still early. Fun fact. The fear of Friday the 13th is a real thing and even has its own name, friggatriskaidekaphobia. It's been a weird week so far, so why wouldn't we end it with a Friday the 13th, just to keep things interesting? No need to visit the city of Salem, the city of all things bizarre and strange on any given Friday in the month of October when you can get all that for free driving through the streets of the Woo, especially on Friday the 13th. Here's what I've got...

1. Dragged Sue Miller out for an early appointment Tuesday morning after the long weekend just to find out that we were 6 hours early. I had her written in for 8:20am, she had 10:20am, and the MD office had 2:20pm…the Doctor’s office being far too busy to accommodate our mistake, the appointment was rescheduled and off we went figuring we were out at the crack of dawn, may as well use the time efficiently. We did our due diligence heading out to not one, not two, but to three CVS’s in search of our flu shots. Why did this take three trips to CVS you ask? Because apparently like everywhere else, CVS is also short staffed, that’s what one CVS told us, and could we come back about noon when they anticipated being fully staffed by then. The 2nd CVS told us to come back after 9:15am when they’d begin administering the vaccines, because they didn’t do them before that time, and the third CVS told us we were out of luck all together due to an issue with their computer system and payment source, for the free shot. You heard correctly, the free shots as advertised clearly aren’t free because one can experience a billing issue when going to your local pharmacy in search of these free vaccines. Fear not loyal readers, we did get to the bottom of the situation, all errors corrected, and the green light given to start the process all over again. However, by that time Sue Miller had had it with the lot of them and we’ll be revisiting this whole scene on another day. I’ll keep you posted.

2. Our trips to CVS were not for nothing, again may as well use this time efficiently. Sue Miller was able to restock her stash of Hershey’s Kisses to make her Hershey kiss cookies. That’s right kids, the cookies are back. If you want some, swing by. Better yet, call ahead and put your order in. Her annoyance with CVS and the vaccine fiasco was channeled in to her baking. If she’s going to keep busy that busyness may as well benefit the rest of us.

3. Exhibit 1. This unidentified object was left on the hood of the loved Kia minivan by one of our favorites, Deb. This was placed there approximately 4 weeks ago. Jokes on her, I’m leaving it there until it falls off on its own, let’s see how long it stays there. She'll probably never know this because she still can't figure out how to open and read the Weekly Antics on her phone.

4. Now that cooler fall weather is upon us, the AC’s have been removed and we are back to the ass backwards ceiling fans that are at my Mother’s house. Here’s a fun fact, don’t keep pulling the dams string just because the fan doesn’t stop spinning immediately. You will end up ripping the string right out of the thing and then threatening to rip the entire fan out of the ceiling all together. This is no longer my job and we’ve made sure to hide everything that resembles a bench or ladder or anything an old lady can climb upon to reach the light herself. The old lady of which I speak would do just that, but we’re on to her, so all items have been safely hidden and out of her reach. Moving forward, any ceiling fan issues, changes in speed, whether the air is being pushed down or pulled up, whether it’s going to be controlled by the wall switch or the string, can be forwarded to Deb Page who has been selected as knower - of - all - things ceiling fan related and can address any and all of your problems or concerns. No more fans for me. Thank you for your patience. Exhibit 2, Casey's stuffed pepper jack-o-lanterns.

5. On a random Tuesday at 2:45pm in the afternoon cutting through the side streets of WPI and behind the Worcester Art Museum, the youngest Kap kid and I found ourselves waiting at a red light when an individual crossed in the crosswalk in front of us holding a Chuckie Doll. This wasn’t a kid; didn’t appear to be a college student being hazed or pledging for a sorority; not a teenager, and she didn’t appear to be in a Halloween costume. This woman wasn’t dressed strangely or appear out of the ordinary in any way. So ordinary was she, that she wouldn’t have caught our attention at all had it not been for that creepy doll and its even creepier eyes that looked to be staring directly into our souls. I question nothing I see anymore around here. Only in The Woo.

6. We haven’t talked about Auggie in quite some time, well I’m here to tell you that she’s still around and tormenting us whenever the opportunity arises. Her point of interest has switched from us to Gibson however, who has become her main focus of harassment. She waits until everyone is settled down for the night and Gibson has dozed off in his crate before she comes out and starts to mess with him, using the skills of torment only cats possess, to do what cats do best, get him in to all kinds of trouble. After last nights escapades, it's on cat, good luck and Godspeed. Here's how this is all going to go down moving forward. You mess with the puppy, the puppy keeps us all up. He keeps us all up due to your shenanigans, then I'm not helping you when the sun comes up and you are no longer protected by the walls of the crate he was supposed to be sleeping in. When that puppy is out of his crate and up and moving, ready to take on you and the day, you're on your own. I don't know what to tell you cat, you've brought this on yourself. Prepare to be covered in dog slobber. #survivalofthefittest

7. Doing the work of the people, we often meet with those we're trying to assist curbside. This may be in the middle of a sidewalk, in a local coffee shop, while they're sitting in their car, or in this case, out this womans open front window. This lady is notorious for not letting me or anyone else in to her house. She starts off yelling and screaming at me, remembers she hates me just a little bit less than everyone else, and then 45 minutes later I'm still trying to make my way back to my car to get out of there. This woman happens to live a few doors down from an elementary school and I learned the hard way this week that I should never visit her again around the time school is being released for the day. As our visit took off she went from talking to me through her screen, to deciding she was going to open up that screen and lean out her open window, clearly concerned I wasn't hearing her. She starts to get comfortable, tells me wait, don't move, and off she goes inside her house to collect herself a chair. As her voice became louder and her language more creative, she tells me hang on, as she goes rummaging through her house coming back with coffee and a snack for herself, really settling in. Now she's comfortable, and now I'm screwed. Kids start walking up the sidewalk to meet their parents and heading home for the day. She acknowledges that the kids are getting out of school, waves and says hello, because that's not creepy at all, not deterring her from using the creative language and hand gestures to describe her situation and how she feels about it. Can only imagine what those kids said to their parents at dinner last night when they were asked how their day at school was. Probably, " I had a great F&*&^&g day..." #ittakesavillage.

8. Cats again. Had to visit a woman this week having issues with the cleanliness of her apartment due to the uncleanliness of her cat. I get to the apartment. The elder answers her door and my senses are immediately assaulted with the strong foul odor of what has to be multiple cats who have not been provided litter boxes. I tell the lady she’s in danger of eviction if she doesn’t clean up and deal with the anarchy her cat is causing. She tells me she doesn’t own a cat. I was standing right there people in the presence of said cat and its cohort, his buddy, let's call him second cat, which I point out to her. Did she see the cats I asked and she responded, Oh, that cat...I respond, no, not that cat, but those cats. Who’s cats are they I ask. Not mine. Okay, well whose cats are they? What cats? Those cats. I take another approach and ask, do the cats live here? Yes they do. Okay, so they must be your cats, you live here alone, with the cats. But they’re not my cats. Well then whose cats are they? Which cats, those cats? YES. YES THOSE CATS, and around and around we went. I still have no idea what the hell was going on or exactly what I'm going to do about it. Maybe I imagined the whole thing or the job has finally done me in and I've lost it, who knows.

9. Working out in the community you often find yourself in search of a bathroom. If you've done this job long enough you know which ones are clean and are safe to use without leaving there feeling like you need to douse yourself in rubbing alcohol. This week I found myself at the Dunkin Donuts on Route 9 across from White City. What I'll tell you is this. The bathroom was very clean, but oddly shaped. This odd shape may be a contributing factor in the excellent acoustics in that bathroom. I may or may not have busted out in song while washing my hands and disinfecting myself from the cat house and trying to erase the images from my mind of the faces of those parents and kids who were verbally assaulted and witnessed my clients verbal tirade. Adam Levine and I never sounded so good - if you're ever in that area and in need of a bathroom, I highly recommend that one, just for the acoustics alone.

10. I’ve decided to utilize the office suggestion box. I say bring back Secret Santa because I have the perfect gift picked out. Someone somewhere thought this was a good idea. Should this interest any of you, it can be found at the new Sierra at the Northboro Shopping Plaza. Exhibit 3 – this is asking for trouble. Jim Burns, this puts the marshmallow shooter I got you one year to shame. #bringbacksecretsanta

And last but not least, it's always fun going to see Gramma Edie when she's sleeping. She gets a kick out of waking up and announcing to me that no, she is not dead yet. If I live to be 101 I too plan on pretending I'm dead all the time just to mess with people.

Have a great weekend!