Snow Days and Groundhogs Edition...2/7/25

Well kids, we may have failed to mention in last week's edition of The Antics that Groundhogs Day had been upon us, but here we are now to tell you all about it. For you weather rookies, non New Englanders and those who may not be familiar with our famous in-house weather watchers, the joke may be on you, because it's starting to look like winter has just begun. Here's what I've got...

1. Snow days. Every kid growing up in New England loves a good snow day, especially when you’re a senior in high school and your last day of school and graduation date are set, making it impossible to have to make up a snow day at the end of the year. While everyone else is suffering in the heat wave that happens every year in June just because the school year is extended and most WPS building don’t have air conditioning…these kids will be unaffected and living their best lives hopefully starting their summer jobs, but more likely still hanging around. Bring on snow days is the chant heard across the Woo this time of the year, as so far, they haven’t had many.

2. Unlike when I was a kid and we had to get up at o-dark-hundred before school and turn on the radio to listen for the name of our school district to be called saying it was okay to go back to bed, we are now living in the world of the internet, text messaging and robo calls. These kids now get a call with a recorded message saying there will no school due to inclement weather. Lucky bastards. One quick call at around 5:30am that they generally sleep through, and their parent or guardian had to wake up to answer, they roll back over and return to their peaceful slumber. Not that parent or guardian, however, they’re now up for the whole damn day. Exhibit 1, how we do birthday candles at Grammy's house.

3. Or they don’t get a call at all and receive this information via text…not only do they not have to get up and wait to hear their school announced on a radio, watch the name of their school flash on the tv screen, or hear a prerecorded voice, but can receive a text. A text that says, no school. If I were in charge of sending out that text it would read something like, if I’m up, you’re all gonna be up. Get the hell out of bed and make yourself useful and cook your parent or guardian breakfast. Exhibit 2, fidget spinners. Next one I see is getting snapped in half and thrown out the nearest window...Angel

4. This goes one step further people…they also have the night before calls. The call that brings excitement and glee to every school aged child as if it were Christmas morning instead of Ground Hog week. The call that if you’re a kid and reading between the lines really says, you’re being informed now, at 6:00 pm the night before your next snow day that you can stay up all night playing video games or watching Youtube shorts. Hunker down and hang out with your friends, because as luck would have it, Jack Frost has decided to grace us with a wintery mix to make the morning commute un - commutable. A free day one and all…start enjoying it now!

   
   

   Exhibit 3, Big Al, a 92 year old, 1,000 lb 13.4 foot alligator prognosticator from Beaumont, Texas. Big Al says more winter is coming.

5. Groundhogs day was February 2nd, and you know what? I don’t blame him for extending winter. If someone dragged me out from under the covers and into the cold you bet your ass I’d make you all believe I control the weather and say you know what? Now you’ve gone and pissed me off, so because of that, here’s six more weeks of winter you bunch of Idiots. Will anyone ever learn? Leave the poor guy alone.

Exhibit 4, Henrietta, a weather predicting chicken from Katonah, New York.

6. And who knew that there is, in fact, more than one Ground hog predicting the weather. And get this…they have their own website. I’m not lying to you people, this is the Gods honest truth and as always, we fact check here at The Antics and speak nothing but the truth. According to GROUNDHOD-DAY.COM there were 78 groundhogs who gave their 2025 predictions. There are 74 American groundhogs, 14 Canadian groundhogs and 51 alternative groundhogs. Who – friggin – knew?!?!?!!

Exhibit 5, Lucy the Lobster, a prognosticating crustacean from Canada concurs with Henrietta the chicken … winter keeps on…

7. What are alternative groundhogs? Well kids, we’re glad you asked. There are taxidermy groundhogs, presumed groundhogs, a golf club groundhog cover that predicts the weather, a desert tortoise who claims to have groundhog powers, an armadillo with groundhog tendencies, a person in a groundhog suit, Slew the Bullfrog, a duck named Scramble, Benny the Bass, Cluxatawny Henrietta the chicken, Lucy the Lobster, Stumptown Phil the beaver, Birmingham Jill the Opossum, Walnut the hedgehog, and some random squirrels I refuse to name because you all know how I feel about squirrels – shifty bastards…is it any shock to you that they would jump on this band wagon? Absolutely not. Check out the site with links to all the other special groundhogs out there…

https://groundhog-day.com/alternative-groundhogs

These designated nontraditional prognosticators referred to as the alternative groundhogs all have a special role to play on the 2nd of February in their respected communities. Groundhogs day isn’t just for groundhogs anymore.

Exhibit 6, Slew the Bullfrog from Snohomish Washington celebrating Groundfrog day. He suffered stage fright however and was unable to articulate his frogcast. He's still holding out and not telling his community when spring is coming.

8. We also have Paxton Parenteau and Al from the Hood. They have not made the above list, we’re working on it for next year. Exhibit 7, Scramble the Duck from Eastford, Connecticut making his groundhog predictions…he says spring is coming.

9.  With Paxton Parenteau and Al from the hood - in that order, all our weather needs whether we knew we needed them or not, are efficiently met. Word on the street is weather efficiency has spread to another community as a Parenteau offspring may or may not have joined the forces of weather mania and he too has been sucked in. Now all three are listening to weather related podcasts and following equally crazy weather people online. It is like a weather predicting army. Who needs Kevin Lemanowitz now? Who I ask you, who???

Exhibit 8, Mojave Max a desert tortoise from Nevada deciding we could figure things out on our own...he refused to give his prediction this year. Good for you Mojave.

10.  And if you haven’t already read enough about groundhog life, we also found that there is a grading system – a grading system!!! Designed to pit the poor little buggers against each other…real groundhogs and alternative prognosticators alike – the duck, the frog, the hedgehog, the chicken – even those shifty not to be spoken of squirrels…all get graded from best to worst, dependent upon the accuracy of their predictions, to determine who of them are the best at their craft. Again, who the hell knew there was an active and thriving underground world of groundhogs. That’s what we’re here for people. The Antics strive to teach you something new every week. Exhibit 9, Sand Mountain Sam, a legendary opossum from Albertville, Alabama who gave his weather prediction from the bottom of a whisky barrel...he says spring is on the way. Keep in mind however where he was when he made that prediction - he had probably just been overserved.

And last but not least, that groundhog list we mentioned in # 7, also include people who dress up as groundhogs, mascot types if you will. That’s being added to my list of prospective job options for retirement. I could be the Groundhog of the 02. I’ll be Paxton Parenteau and Al of the Hood’s Mascot.

Exhibit 10, Chilly Charlie from Ontario, Canada. who is predicting an early spring.

Have a great weekend!