Your Weekly Pandemic Antics Valentine's Day Week Edition...(2/11/21)

Well kids, we’re almost mid-February, and it’s Valentine’s Day. Don’t screw things up for yourselves by not acknowledging this made up Hallmark Holiday. Just like Christmas, if your significant other says they have everything they need and don’t want anything, don’t be a dope. Even the smallest of gestures will keep you out of the dog house. Heed my warning and use this information wisely…if you do not, don’t come crying to me because I will happily say, “I told you so…” That my friends, is my Public Service Announcement for this week….here’s what I’ve got.

1. Sweet nothings and not so Valentine-type- things in the mail. What’s the book, “If you Give a Mouse a Cookie”… Let me refresh you… “If you give a Mouse a Cookie, he’s going to ask you for a glass of milk. If you give a mouse a glass of milk, he’s probably going to ask you for a straw…” Well folks, my version of that this week goes something like this… “If you give Gramma Edie stationary, she’s going to ask you for stamps. If Gramma Edie is going to ask for stamps, she’s going to ask for envelopes. If you give Gramma Edie all of above, you will eventually receive hate mail.” The End.

2. When one decides to send their favorite Granddaughter hate mail Valentines week, karma comes back atcha. Not sure if you’ll find this comforting, but I witnessed first-hand that Karma does not discriminate and extends her lengthy hand far and wide even to our elders. My phone call from the Nursing Home this week… “there was a burst pipe at the Nursing Home resulting in a leak…” – you guessed it – in Edie’s room. All over her side of the room, her bed, her things. A coincidence? I don’t think so. You be the judge.

3. Valentines week or not, the 4 girls got the boot from Grammy the other day, a.k.a Sue Miller. It was probably well deserved as they tend to leave a trail everywhere they go and Sue Miller likes things neat and orderly. When they started complaining about it, my response was, at least she didn’t put her disappointment and distain for you in writing. Suck it up, or better yet, stop being a bunch of slobs.

4. With the boot as mentioned in #3, the girls took up their homeschooling, couch style, here on Asbury Road. I don’t know what these kids are going to do when they actually have to get up, get dressed, and make themselves presentable to go inside a school building. This 2 second commute to the living room and pajama style of remote learning has spoiled all of them. Please see exhibit #1. They quickly learned they’re better off at Grammy’s, because she cooks them breakfast. Who has time for that when we’re doing the work of the people? Get with the program.

5. Cursed cars…the oldest Kapacziewski, who has been absent from the weekly antics for the last few editions, was the lucky recipient of Gramma Edies Toyota Corolla a few years back, when by the grace of God, and the thankfulness of the good people of Lexington MA and all of the surrounding towns…we finally got her off the road. Edie asks about that car as if it has a heartbeat – well, the middle kid traded cars with the oldest kid this week so that Edies favorite child, I mean car, could get some work done at the garage. Middle and youngest Kap kids, with their cousins, are all convinced that the Toyota’s cursed. That Edie has somehow channeled her inner rage and discontent with us on to said vehicle. Something about broken door handles, being locked inside the car, blah blah blah…they’re all convinced the heat turns on and will not turn off forcing them to drive home from Sue Millers the other morning in 18 degree weather with all the windows rolled down. Well, at least they didn’t have to walk.

6.

Petrified oversized Dragonfly. That’s right folks. That too is and has been in Edies car for years. My Son may have inherited his Mothers sense of superstition and the “don’t mess with stuff” mentality, as it’s been in the back window since who-knows-when, and he’s kept it there. Personally…I think it may be actually holding the car together. Please see exhibit #2.

7. While Sam was gifted the Toyota, that same day Reaghan, in typical predictable middle kid fashion, was gifted a pair of fur lined boots circa 1950. But she’s not bitter or anything…technically speaking, boots too are a mode of transportation.

8. Snow, snow and more snow. It’s February in New England kids, it’s like a winter wonderland and Pot Belly Pig Dog and Goose are loving it. Not every dog has a race track snow blown in their yard providing them with countless hours of outdoor entertainment. Hannah and Harley however want absolutely no part in this activity and watch them safely from their window as if those two were hamsters on a hamster wheel. The fun never stops.

9. Back to the Toytoa…according to Reaghan, driving the Toyota the other day was like driving on a race track similar to the track laid down for Goose and Pot Belly. Again, did you have to walk? No. Did you get home safely? Yes. Quit your whining. It’s a free car.

10. AND….George Sotiropolous of Bravo Auto on May Street assures me, my children, and my nieces that Edie’s car is not, in fact, cursed. All repairs were made, all is good under the hood. He has admitted however, that despite he and his mechanics stealthy and thorough skills, they are not experienced in removing any hexes or curses from vehicles. I told him he should probably put that disclaimer in writing because these kids never believe anything I say. You need work done on your car? Go see my friend George. Tell him I sent you.

11. And last but not least, I’ll leave you with this. We’ve all lost our minds a little bit during this pandemic, but…things are starting to look up. I’m here to say, you are all fabulous. So the next time you receive hate mail from your elderly Grandmother, get flipped off at a light, get cut off in traffic, get pelted with snowballs, are told you suck, think your car is being held together with a petrified dragonfly or another prehistoric Jurassic park type creature… do the universe one better…smile and wave….my friend Karma’s got your back.

Have a great weekend!!!