Your Weekly Pandemic Antics - Upcoming Labor Day Weekend Edition...(9-3-2020)

Your Weekly Pandemic Antics – Upcoming Labor Day Weekend Edition…

Well kids, buckle up, because it’s been a rough week…I’d like to add that I started this list on Tuesday, and yes, Tuesday already felt like it was a month long. And as the first week of September is upon us, things have to start looking up, right??? Well maybe things will start to look up after the full moon passes, because yup, we have the full “Corn Moon” mulling above us. This moon also just happens to be the 9th moon of this fabulous year of 2020 and the last full moon of the summer. Whether it’s the 9th moon or the 100th moon, I don’t know about you, but people are off the rails this week… Here we go…

1. I received not one, but many, lovely voice mails and calls from my new all-time favorite 94 year old elder last week. She forgets what day it is and that she’s already called, but that’s okay. I’ll take daily thank you’s from her for her ESW goody bag anytime, over the irate calls I get from my crabby elders and their families, on a regular basis. And yes, her name is Venus, perhaps this is coincidence, or she and her name have something to do with the Corn Moon we’ve got going on this week…either way, her name makes her even more awesome.

2. I’m glad you’re on break Al, but I am not. Stop talking to me.

3. I didn’t take in to account rain in my scenario of working outside on my soon to be heated deck when the weather dictates, so I’ve been working inside today, hence the reason for antic #2. I’m re thinking things. I may resort to putting up the softball tent and install some of those hang-down wall thing-ies so my outdoor work space will be water proof. Drivers- by may begin to mistake me for a pop up medical tent.

4. The older your kid gets, the dumber they become…I’m just leaving that one right there. A wise friend once told me that they remain “wicked stupid” until about the age of 25 when they start to come around again. I’m not sure I’m going to live long enough to see it.

5. Speed Dial didn’t growl at me during last nights game…things might be looking up. I may make it through the season unscathed after all.

6. Grated parmesan cheese for spaghetti….we’ve gone through like 4 containers this summer. I haven’t made sauce or spaghetti once because it’s been too dam hot, what the hell is happening to it? I’ll tell you what’s been happening to it…Al’s been sprinkling it on top of Pot-Belly-Pig-Dogs food twice a day, I caught him red handed. Apparently plain dry dog food isn’t good enough for her which would explain why she gives me dirty looks every time I feed her, she snubs me, and walks away from her bowl. Well excuse me. I’m pretty sure when I’m in the Nursing Home and refuse to eat, Al will NOT be sprinkling cheese on my food…I’ll be on my own.

7. Ice – people who live here clearly take issue with refilling the ice cube trays. The process is simple. You use the ice, you refill the tray…it doesn’t take a PHD or the need to consult Betty Crocker for a recipe to figure this out. It’s pretty simple - you turn on the tap, hold the tray beneath it, allow it to fill up and then put the newly filled tray with water in to the refrigerator and surprise…that water turns to ice in like, an hour. That’s right up there with not changing the toilet paper roll. If you’re going to use all the ice, don’t leave the empty ice cube tray in the freezer, fill the dam thing up…simplest thing ever. Bug Zapper Joe heard this rant from the driveway a few weeks back, and the funny man then left a 25 lb bag of ice on my stairs…smart ass, pick a side, I control your t.v.

8. So the middle kid decided after surfing last week that she had a missed opportunity at Bob Lobster in Newburyport where we stopped for dinner. You order at the window and when your orders up, the staff come out walking around the lot with your food yelling the name on the order. We had much entertainment waiting and listening to one of the more vocal staff. Not only is Kapacziewski difficult to say, but more times than not, Reaghans name is mispronounced on a regular basis and the kid gets tired of it – I gotta give it to her when she gets creative. We’re going back this week and she is very much looking forward to placing our order and giving the name Stella so when our orders up, the staff will wander through the lot yelling, Stelllllllllaaaaaaaa…(Streetcar Named Desire, 1952… or for you youngsters who read this, Over the Hedge, 2006) google both, I couldn’t figure out how to send you youtube clips without infecting our entire network….

9. If you’re going to call me to report all of your Mothers down falls and claim that you’re the one who’s abused, as well as claim your devotion to said Mother and deny any wrong doing, you should do so while not smoking a bong when on the phone with me. I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. You’re not homeless, because of your Mother, therefore that sound is not a babbling brook that one could suspect you are living beside if your Mother didn’t step in and prevent your homelessness. So unless she has provided you with prime accommodations in that attic where you’re living rent free, that includes the installation of a water fountain for your entertainment and ambience, I’m pretty sure that’s the sound of water bubbling in a bong. Despite what you may think…this isn’t my first rodeo. Smarten up.

10. To sum up my week, stay off the sauce. Or don’t lie. Or do both, stay off the sauce and tell me the truth. The less I have to use my super stealth investigatory skills to figure out you’re really not that smart to begin with, the more you’re gonna get outta me. Again, it’s simple…help me, help you. (Jerry Maguire, 1996)

11. And for your bonus this week kids…get yourselves together and don’t be a bunch of scrubs…if you can mail your stuff yourselves, do it. Our support staff has been in the office on a regular basis steering the ship and keeping us up and running since this whole thing started. Show them some love!

Have a great weekend! J