Your Weekly Pandemic Antics the Week of ARE THE KIDS BACK TO SCHOOL YET Edition...(9-17-2020)

Your Weekly Pandemic Antics the week of ARE THESE KIDS BACK TO SCHOOL YET edition….

Well kids, by the time you’re reading this, (if you’re reading this…) our first week back to school will almost be complete. Whether it be hybrid, full remote, full in class, half in class, half on the lawn, remote learning by land or by sea, I hope you’re all surviving. Take deep breaths, it’s all gonna be fine. When all else fails just keep in mind that absolutely no one else anywhere has any idea what’s going on, so you’re not alone. With all of that said, I hope you still tortured your children with their obligatory first day of school photo’s. My neighborhood crew, even those now off to college, thought they finally escaped me, well they were wrong…please see exhibit #1.

1. The fall chill is in the air. Those nice crisp mornings of 40 something degrees are upon us and arrived rather quickly. My portable outdoor heater is going to have to remain on my wish list as it’s not in the budget, but I’ve improvised. I’ve moved my work space closer to the railing on the deck where below sits the grill. I fire that baby up and cozy right up next to it…works like a dream.

2. Bonus to the above, I have been known to bake on my grill in times of need…Parenteau can vouch for me. I may just fire up breakfast out there at some point…come on over.

3. Softball continues no thanks to the pandemic messing with the sports seasons. We’ve gone from baking in the sun to seeing our breath, all in the same day. I am now officially 100 years old because yes, I’ve pulled out the turtle neck and hand warmers and am not ashamed to admit it. All the coach/Dad’s at the field made fun of me, but by 9pm Tuesday night they were all whining like little girls…(I apologize, that is an insult to girls everywhere…) So once again, don’t be a dope. Listen to a Mom, we know stuff.

4. Ok, so I’m calling it like it is….Parenteau takes a day off mid-week and the whole unit starts speaking foreign languages. This is either proof that we can hold it together, or that all hell breaks loose in her absence. Languages covered so far are Spanish, French, German and Pig Latin. I’d like to say we were accomplishing something important, but truth be told, we were figuring out how to place a drink order should we ever be allowed out in a drinking establishment again.

5. Speaking of foreign languages…one of my softball players started school this week, inside an actual school building. She’s complaining that she’s never going to understand French. I told her she can study while showering. All she has to do is read the back of the shampoo bottles, she’ll pick it up before she knows it… (don’t believe me? Check this out… “In order to save on production and distribution costs, shampoo companies often use the same bottles in the U.S. and Canada. Since Canada's Consumer Packaging and Labeling Act requires both French and English translations on products sold in Canada, shampoo companies include both languages…”) Consumer Packaging and Labelling Act R.S.C. 1985, c. C-38. Orrrrr…download the google translation app. Again, if the internet had been around when I was a kid, I’m pretty sure I’d be working for NASA.

6. Now’s a good time for me to acknowledge that I am aware that I am full of useless information. Just trying to improve the quality of your lives one unnecessary fact at a time...I’m like the Cliff Claven of ESW (Cheers…circa 1982-1993).

7. Listen up people, Mars Retrograde 2020, it’s happening. We all work in social services and have seen some weird stuff go down. We’ve all had those clients who think they’re werewolves or are convinced they know one. However, like the full moon cycles tend to make our people crazy, so does this retrograde business. And according to the space people it’s getting real, and is running from Sept 9th – Nov 13th. If you are, or live with an Aries, Libra, Scorpio or Capricorn, you’re especially screwed. So, chill-ax, deep breath, and don’t make any hasty life altering decisions. “Gently address any repressed issues around anger and try to find healthy outlets for all the rage and frustration that’s been built up through 2020.” Bustle.com 9/8/2020 Or….just don’t leave your house (Lisa Kapacziewski, 9/16/2020).

8. I can bet you all right now that the Dad-Coaches I’ve been dealing with at the softball field all this week are Aries, Libras, Scorpio’s and Capricorns….just sayin.

9. At the rate we’re going with this pandemic and social distancing, high school sports as we know them may very well have to continue to adapt. I’m calling it now…the competitive high school sports of our future may very well be gaming. That’s right, video gaming. God help us all if we have Varsity and JV Fortnight teams.

10. We’ve got Mars in retrograde, the sun has begun a new solar weather cycle, fires in California, fires in Oregon, Tropical storms, and now I hear on the news that McDonalds is having an ingredient shortage due to the new Travis Scott meal? The world’s gone crazy. Who’s Travis Scott you ask? Again, refer to google…apparently, he’s a rapper.

11. And for your bonus this week kids…I hope you all signed up for chair yoga to support our Alzheimers team…don’t hurt yourselves…that would require a lot of paperwork.

Thanks for stopping by….have a great weekend!