Your Weekly Pandemic Antics The Weakest Link Edition ... 6-24-2021

Well folks, I hope you all had a glorious week, enjoyed Father’s Day weekend last week and were good to all the Dad’s out there, the soon to be Dad’s, the fill in Dad’s, the Uncle’s, the Brother’s, the son’s, your guy friends, and all those great guys who’ve stuck with you all your life. If you failed to acknowledge them properly, there’s still time. I do apologize for being a scrub and not recognizing Father’s Day during last weeks Antics, and am here to assure you that if you didn’t, Dads are used to being the runners up, the last to be told anything, normally get the short end of the stick, and will surely cut you some slack, so get to it.

1. If you’ve been a bit unsettled or those around you have not been quite themselves, feel free to look skyward because once again, it’s a full moon. And not just any moon, but the Strawberry Moon. The Strawberry moon is the last super moon of 2021 and has also been known by other names such as the Green Corn Moon, The Blooming Moon, The Birthing Moon, The Hatching Moon, and some others. I’m here to tell you that I don’t care what the dam moon’s called. What I can tell you with all certainty is that it messes with me, it messes with you and it messes with the universe. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we can’t make this stuff up…let the sectionings begin…

2. The weakest link strikes again. He threw away the apple – the green apple that I’m convinced was biochemically engineered, had a shelf life of at least 5 years, never aged, not a bruise on it, that has been sitting on the door of my refrigerator not bothering a blessed soul since October and he threw it away. Way to go Al. It’s probably sitting as green as ever in some trash heap somewhere wishing it was still living in our fridge.

3. Bunnies. Let’s just put out there that despite the ever- booming wild rabbit population in the Woo, they are definitely not the brightest bulbs amongst the woodland creatures. They build their nests and have their babies in the middle of our yards. No shelter. In the hot sun and inside the fenced in yard where our dogs roam. Not too bright. Here’s your PSA for the week folks….if you run across a bunny nest in your yard, unless your dog or dogs are trying to eat the little buggers, leave them alone. They have not been abandoned, they are not orphans. The Mom bunny only comes around at dusk and dawn, to prevent attracting predators to their nest. So, leave them where they are, unless your dog, like Rosie Miller, decides to dig them all up and bring them to you one by one. Please see exhibits 1, 2 & 3. My Brother Ronnie spent his Father’s Day weekend saving these woodland creatures from the drooling and loving jowls of all 200 and something lbs of Rosie.

4. With the above said, the youngest Kap kid was giving her Uncle all sorts of credit for coming to the bunnies aid. My brother was sure to let her know that although this credit was appreciated, he wasn’t necessarily saving them for the greater good. Instead he was doing so to avoid the pending vet bill and mess that would surely ensue in his yard if Rosie were allowed to continue to disrupt their nest. He couldn’t just run with it, take the compliment and consider it a win. He may have been heard muttering something about natural selection and letting nature take its course. And have no fear my friends, that is the Ronnie Miller we know and love…

5. A square. A square table. That’s what is currently on the deck. Looking to get a new table and deciding what size, I see a couple that are rectangular and ask Al’s opinion. He says, I don’t know, how about a square table that’s just a little bit longer, say another few feet or so. Okay, so a square with another few feet added to it…call me crazy, but that sounds like a rectangle to me, but what do I know? In case you all think Al is a fictional character, here he is in exhibit 4, this is the best I could do.

6. Joepetto and the US Postal service. I’m sorry to report that Joe’s work was interrupted this week folks because the US Postal service lost the tool he ordered. He searched high and low, knocked on doors, (including an elderly couple he’s never met before who I’m pretty sure he’ll now be mowing their lawn and doing their weekly grocery shopping until the end of time...), did all the investigative work that the post office should have, and still, nothing. He assures me that he will be back up and running by his next day off. *** Update - Joe reports that he was informed this was was not the US Postal Services fault after all, but in fact that of the sender. All has been rectified and we patiently wait for UPS to make this delivery.

7. Harley. Harley’s back at it folks and the hunt is on. Sometimes I’m not sure if she’s dedicated or if her head’s just stuck in the fence. Either way, she’s letting those chipmunks know who’s boss. Please see exhibits 4 & 5.

8. National T-shirt day - I bet you didn't know that Monday, June 21st was National T-shirt day. So you know I did it - I went through and organized my T-shirts. Long sleeve, short sleeve, coordinated by color, by sport, by team - new T-shirt’s, old T-shirt’s, vintage never to be thrown out T-shirt’s, T-shirt’s with holes, with stains. favorite T-shirt’s, T-shirt’s for the way back of the drawer that are least favorites, Going out T-shirt’s, T-shirts I may or may not have lifted from Ronnie Miller over the years, dress up T-shirt’s, hang around the house T-shirt’s. You get the picture. For those of you who knew what was going on, I hope you enjoyed T-shirt day.

9. Fun Fact - you know those annoying yellow cement poles that are about yay high - high enough, but not quite high enough that you may still occasionally side swipe one when pulling in to the bank drive thru or other equally annoying spots? Should this happen to you, I suggest using ceramic stove top cleaner and that fabulous little yellow sponge thing-ie that comes with it. It’ll rub that spot right out and unless you have a little yellow bellied rat-fink kid in your car to tell your spouse what happened, no one will ever be the wiser. I shared this little tip with some poor bastard yesterday who had pulled over near the light I was at - he had just side swiped his brand new shiny truck leaving a paid ticketed lot near the Grove Street fire station. It hurt to watch. Good luck buddy.

*** Disclaimer - I’m not responsible if you try this and it doesn’t work. Worked for me, but I may have gotten lucky.

10. With the above said, this is why I drive off curbs instead of going through the exits at those lots. That and it’s way more fun. ( and who’s pulling over a mini van for going off curbs…)

11. And last but not least, hear this…should you find yourself on the receiving end of a psych admit this week, look at the bright side. Where else can you get a 3 night minimum stay, 3 squares, laundry, housekeeping, entertainment/crafts with clean up included - all free of charge? Get it together and embrace it people. Quit your whining and consider it a vacation.

Have a great weekend!