Your Weekly Pandemic Antics the Last Week of the Year Edition... (12/30/20)

Your Weekly Pandemic Antics the Last Week of the Year Edition…

Well kids, I’d like to say that I’m all messed up from the holidays as far as knowing what day it is, but let’s face it…I haven’t known what day or month it’s been since last March. As it’s another holiday week, I like to get these out to you by Wednesday because I know you all sit at the edge of your seats waiting to hear form me…I hope you read this before you take off for your New Year Festivities. We’re in the home stretch, 2020 is almost over, let’s hope 2021 is a bit better to the world, and us to it. Here are some things I learned during the weirdest 9 months ever…

1. Let’s start with Christmas festivities … the 12 Days of Christmas, no recordings, because quite honestly, none of us could figure out how to record it, or maybe no one cared to, which is more likely. Sue Miller says to her eldest most favorite Grandchild… “Why the hell can’t anyone hear me?” Sam, “I have it muted because none of you can be trusted not to incriminate yourselves…” It took me a sec, but I soon realized that this statement was also meant for me, not just Sue Miller…

2. Benefits of a Zoom Christmas Eve…the introduction of a new boyfriend to the family…nothing like throwing the poor bastard in to the mix of things during a zoom call mid pandemic. That poor kid has no idea how lucky he is…pre pandemic Christmas Eve if you brought someone home that person was thrown right in to the mix of it…no life line provided, just thrown in. If you survived Christmas Eve and didn’t run for the hills, you were a keeper. I learned, it’s way more fun watching the newcomers fend for themselves in person rather than have the security blanket of zoom, and mute, and perfect camera angles.

3. The boredom of Christmas Eve came full circle when Meri decided to terrorize her brother. She’s still bent out of shape that she had to vacate the kids room while he’s home for Christmas break. Her scheming included food throwing, and forks may have been involved. Sam says, “is anyone seeing this?” Meredith’s response was, “What? I’m not doing anything…” Followed by… “don’t bother Sammy, they’ll never listen - I’m the baby, they always believe me…” Nothing like outing yourself out kid.

4. As you know, my girls and my nieces have been spending a lot of time with their Grandmother during the Pandemic, keeping her busy and entertained. They insist that Grammy’s house is haunted, specifically the attic, and have started to use this to their advantage. Thus, the “Let’s Blame Dead Relatives” game was born… Grammy, “Who left the mess in the spare bedroom?” Girls, “Ginna did.“ Grammy, “Who left all their dishes in the sink?” Girls, “Uncle Paul?” Grammy, “Who keeps leaving the back door wide open?” Must’ve been Rie. Grammy, “Who left the towels on the bathroom floor?” “Ummm, Uncle Billy.

What did I learn from this??? If the house wasn’t haunted before, it is now…anyone who knew my above dead relatives knows none of them would tolerate this foolishness. #letthehauntingbegin

5. The US Postal Service takes their sweet time delivering cookies across the country. They have no idea, nor do they care, that I have waged war upon them for messing with my cookie delivery. I could’ve driven to and from California by now and hand delivered my cookies to their recipient faster.

6. Look how tech savvy we’ve all become. We’re now versed in Zoom, Teams…We’ve even got Gramma Edie and her chronically annoyed self facetiming and Sue Miller is a Tik Tok phenomenon.

7. All the gas and ware and tare we’ve saved on our cars from not commuting to work…or all of the gas and ware and tare we’ve used on our cars because we’ve been driving around aimlessly with nothing to do…

8. We all know now that when your temperature reads 95.5 whenever you walk in to a Doctors office, that no, all the thermometers you threw away over the years were in fact not broken, what the hell does 98.5 even mean anymore, and at 95.5, no, that does not mean we are dead.

9. Amazon will deliver tiny mundane items such as 1 dental floss, or a jar of rainbow sprinkles, duct tape and yes, even one jar of Vick’s, overnight, to your almost 99 year old Grandmother because she insists “kids today are stupid spending all their money on Pot Cream when Vick’s is just as good”, as quick as in under 24 hours…I learned some people consider this exploitation of the good people at Amazon, I consider it supporting the economy.

10. If needed, Snow Blower Joe is willing to hide all sorts of items I break out in his garage, no questions asked.

11. And for your bonus this week kids…Congrats on making it through what I’m pretty sure we can all agree on, was the weirdest year ever. I hope you all chose your Quarantine Crew wisely and had a little fun during this crazy ride that has been 2020.

Happy New Year!!!