Your Weekly Pandemic Antics - the First Significant Snow-pocolypse Edition....(12/17/20)

The Weekly Pandemic Antics, the First Significant Snow- pocolypse of the Year Edition….

Well folks, by the time you’re reading this we should have a significant amount of snow on the ground. How much snow? It all depends on who you listen to. According to our local weather stations we could be getting anywhere from 3 inches to 24 inches or 100 inches, who knows. In typical New Englander fashion, it really doesn’t matter what the weatherman says because we don’t believe them. Even if they give us a spot on prediction, we’ll all find a way to discredit them. We treat our weather men like we treat our sports teams here in New England….one minute we love them, the next we hate them, all in a single afternoon…we are a tough crowd. AND…Al’s the worst. Who knew ones amateur weatherman skills were better than the professionals who went to Meteorology school…So, no matter the snowfall count, hunker down and get reading…Here’s what I’ve got….

1. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t travel in any type of precipitation, especially if the temperature is 33 degrees or below. With those temps, comes freezing conditions. I’m talking no chance of seeing the whites of my eyes should it be 33 or less and there is any sign of snow, rain, freezing rain, sleet, high winds, volcanic ash, cats, dogs, nothing. You will not see me. A few years back when all it did was snow, I can confidently say that I don’t think I stepped foot in the office until at least May…true story. With that said, let Parenteau know I won’t be in today…travel conditions to my corner of the deck are treacherous. I’ll see ya when I see ya.

2. Snow days. Well kids, the pandemic has finally stripped the remaining ounce of glee from your childhood. No thanks to COVID and remote learning, all snow days for the Worcester Public Schools are cancelled. Unless there’s a power outage to 50% or more of the city so says Madam Superintendent, school shall go on. Meredith’s psyched….

3. To go along with the above, I think it’s pretty safe to say every kid in the city is praying for a city wide power outage.

4. Slips and falls…that brings me to Gramma Edie who I’m happy to say has been staying on her feet. I was able to facetime with her yesterday, thanks to Activities Director Val – God love her. Edie can’t hear a dam thing, because of course, I stole her hearing aids.

5. Along with the alleged hearing aid theft, I failed to get her the Vick’s she requested. Worst Granddaughter Ever. That and apparently I’m solely responsible for the hairdressers inability to get Edie on her schedule to get her hair done. Edie’s had a life- long standard of great hair having it washed and set every week at the “beauty salon” and apparently I’m interfering with that. “YOU stuck me in this place, the least you can do is get me a hair appointment…” I still haven’t decided if I’m going to include the screen shot I took of her during our call because it’s a bit scary…she…was…pissed…. Maybe see exhibit #1?

6. In service – and we got bumped. That only leaves us more time to plan accordingly. Who’s going to warn them? Please note, I called the Jameson.

7. Tattoos…from the middle kid… “Can I get another tattoo?” Me… “ Sure, as soon as you get the keys to your own apartment.” It’s like she’s never met me.

8. As many of you heard last week during our PS teams meeting…the Pot Belly Pig got herself in some trouble. Her super stealth graceful self, broke an area of the fence trying to ward off leaves, or wind, or elderly passers-by, who knows. After a stern lecture, Al banished her to the deck. For those concerned, said banishment lasted all of two minutes because even The Pig knows that Al’s the weakest link around here.

9. As if door knob stealing isn’t enough for the strangest little dog ever, she’s not a fan of the snow-pocolypse. She too follows the philosophy of anything under 33 degrees, she’s not stepping foot outside…especially if there’s wind, or rain, or snow, or sleet, or ice, or those untrustworthy woodland creatures running free too close to her door step. Well, unlike me, Goose does not have indoor bathroom facilities, therefore, out she goes. She acts as if she’s being attacked by each individual snowflake…she stands there and gives me a look like she’s being bombarded by a band of rogue precipitation. Please see exhibit #2

10. Sue Miller…well peeps, as I’ve said in the past, she’s like the Mayor, as she was holding court over on Friedel Street last week. She and her good buddy and neighbor Father Trainor were having a little prayer pow-wow, social distance style, out in front of her house … she was not messing around and wanted a direct link to God, as her Grandson was having major surgery and she was crossing all her t’s and dotting all her I’s. If she can’t get to church, leave it to my Mother to get Jesus’s good word curbside.

11. And for your bonus this week kids, take it easy. Learned from my 14 year old nephew that faced with something big, look at what’s important… make sure the hospital food is good, and if not, call in some favors. Second, make the MD’s do some math so they can assure you as much as possible that you’re still in the running to grow taller than your twin sister as they’re neck in neck at 5”10 and 5”11. She may have been born first, but he’ll be dammed if he’s going to be the shortest.

Enjoy the snow! Have a great weekend!