Your Weekly Pandemic Antics The End of the Longest School Year Ever Edition...6-17-2021

So kids, this week was the end to the longest school year ever. Whether you're a student, a teacher, the custodial staff, support staff, nutrition staff, bus driver, crossing guard, secretary, receptionist, parent or guardian, you all know what I'm talking about. Longest. Year. Ever. And with the end of this school year is also the end of an era. Peace out Forest Grove - the last Kap kid has left the building. ✌

1. Lots has been happening here in our neck of the Woo as of late. My buddy Marshall has taught me a thing or two and one of those things is perseverance. If you're not happy with what someone's telling you, you're dissatisfied and know deep down your friend is being blown off, his needs ignored, and his good nature is being taken advantage of - don't give up until he gets what he's entitled to. You can't flim flam a flim flammer, ( Jimmy Donahue circa somewhere in the 90's...) so therefore, he will get what he needs, because he has people who will go to bat for him every single time and fight for him. Even if the person or persons in the wrong happen to be under the direction of a huge corporation that manages your health insurance and that company starts with an F and ends with an N, or whatever name they're going by these days. Don't mess with our buddy Marshall. It would've taken far less time and energy to do what was right to begin with - let that be a lesson to you.

2. Another important lesson taught this past week. Not all foods are meant to be pureed. Please take my word for it when I tell you that tuna is one of those foods. Just don't do it, trust me.

3. Should you present your dear friend Marshall with such foods as tuna or other less desirable food choices in puree form and Marshall looks at you like you've tried to kill him and he lets you know it's horrible, here's more advice for you - take no responsibility for it and blame Dave Abraham. Throw him right under the bus, you can thank me later.

4. Big news people, Ken, the under cover covert operative/disguising himself as the Patient information person at Memorial who I suspect secretly runs the hospital....haven't seem him in days, he must be on to me. I'll keep you posted.

5. Well folks, it's come to my attention that my long time buddy, college friend, sorority sister and Colonel of the United States Air Force Beth "Beet" Dion, has not been given the proper credit that she's due. Beet saves lives, takes names, makes you laugh while doing it, all while serving our country. She had me inform the youngest Kap kid that she's a little upset that she hasn't been considered for any of the worst Dad jokes of the week recognition and she should be given consideration for this great honor. Now if you know anything about anything, you'll know you don't have to be a Dad to have Dad Jokes, this is the truth people. With that said, Meri got her act together and helped me compile the included exhibits to show Beets gift of finding some of the strangest and least common items being sold in America, while wandering around her neighborhood in Nebraska where she has most recently been stationed. You will find a variety of examples throughout the antics this week of the oddities she finds at these places as well as some pictures of Beet doing what she does - what can I say, I think she's a pretty big deal.

6. Next time your middle child decides to tell you about all of the injustices involved in their birth placement amongst their siblings, tell them what I told Reaghan... I hope that you have a middle kid who is actually triplets so that there will be a middle child in that trio technically giving you double middle kids. The End.

7. Helen Bibeau closet update. She assures me that she had a successful trip to Home Depot last weekend. The wood cutter guy who works in the wood cutting aisle lived to see another Saturday, she didn't end up in the clink and purchased herself a new clothes rack/rod for her closet. She tells me that a little love, luck and duct tape has secured that puppy and so far so good. All clothes are accounted for, organized and still where she hung them. Please note the blue duct tape on the left side of the pole. Keep us posted HB.

8. Chipmunk and woodland creature update. Well people, it's on. Those cute adorable fury little four legged creatures best watch their backs. Harley will not be the only one hunting those little bastards down. Please see exhibit 1. This is what's left of my spaghetti squash plants.

9. Pot Belly Pig Dog update. We completed week 3 of our Dog class and that would be three weeks in a row that she's made me look like a big liar for any of you who have been keeping track. She's made it apparent that it's me and the other humans in our pack who need the training, not her. I know what she's thinking..." this idiot spent all this money for me to lay around and get fed treats for performing simple tasks for an hour...jokes on you." Well played Pot Belly, well played.

10. Half a peace sign - it's a thing according to one of my elders. She says this is how she gets away with flipping people off (me) without getting in trouble with God and whoever else is watching her. Apparently if you're the lucky one to be on the receiving end of this gesture and she tells you it's a half a peace sign rather than the middle finger which we all know is what she's really intended, she's still going to heaven. Let's hope for my sake that's not the only credential needed to go meet St. Peter or I am most definitely screwed.

And last but not least, go forth and have a fabulous weekend folks. Enjoy the beautiful weather and the new found freedom that has been the result of vaccine's and social distancing and all that good stuff over the past 15 months or so. And remember that as most of us are no longer wearing masks, that means we can no longer hide the facial expressions and mumbling that we've become accustomed to. People start looking at you funny when you're in public mumbling and making faces at people.

Have a great weekend!

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