Your Weekly Pandemic Antics Softball is Back Edition...(4-22-2021)

Well kids, I hope you're all having a great week so far and that you were lucky enough to have Patriots Day off and a nice long weekend. Second year in a row that we don’t have Marathon Monday and the regular crowds heading to Fenway for a Red Sox game, but that’s ok. Sun was shining, it’s warming up, trees and flowers are blooming, it’s all good in the hood. Things are looking up people, so buckle up! Here’s what I’ve got…

1. Softball is back and the girls are officially out on the field. How do I know they’re back at it full swing? When Meri starts coming home with Coach Matt impersonations…let’s see... we have the bat flip exasperated look; the leaning against the fence, mumbling, covering his face with his hands look; and then last but not least one of my all-time favorites, when he stands at home, hits the ball to the outfield and tells the girls to start running and not to stop until he says so. Some other favorites…run like you’re on fire, stop running like your Mother, and for Gods sake, when you run through first base don’t stop til you hit the green.

2. Uniforms. I’m cutting Coach Matt some slack this year because he went with black pants. However, this has not stopped the 13 and 14 year old girls from complaining about how they fit; they’re too big, they’re too small, waist fits weird, legs too baggy, shirts too big, hangs off the shoulders, shirt’s too long, neck’s too wide, and so much more. I’m here to publicly remind Coach Matt that he will never get this right as he is dealing with teenage girls. He is the epitome of a human shield in a rock fight. Don’t be afraid of them Coach Matt, be strong...

3. Here’s a fun call I received from my good buddy Janice Sawyer this week. Would I like to participate in a slow pitch softball league…hmmm, lemme think on that…my knees have decided that would be a hard pass. As my failing body parts will not permit this, I am more than happy to pull out and dust off my bucket, sit and do the book while holding the title of Super Fan. I’ll even put that on a tshirt. Keep me posted.

4. With this call came a reminder of some of my more famous uncoordinated moves. While attending one of the middle kids travel team games many years ago, I took our older dog Hannah who was then a puppy, with us. I took her way out in to the outfield for a little walk and she got away from me, running towards the woods on the outskirts of the field. Panicked because this is Sam’s dog who he made perfectly clear I was incompetent to care for, I ran to chase her, reaching to grab her leash and fell flat on my face. I bounced up quick, looking around dazed like maybe that didn’t really happen, concluding that it did, and looked up to see Janice, way off in the distance coaching 3rd base, buckled over laughing at me. Her only regret you ask? That she didn’t catch it on film. And there’s no one better I’d rather have laugh like a loon at my expense….that my friends is what you call a friend for life. Above is a photo of Coach Janice and the middle kid, circa 2011-ish

5. The middle kid… “ Mom, wanna go to Starbucks to get coffee?” me: “ You wanna take the devils ride and put up with that nonsense, have at it…I will not.”

6. For those of you who may have been disheartened by the snow last week messing with your gardens and the flowers and vegetables you had already planted, don’t despair! I was told by one of my elders that late spring snow in New England is the “Farmers Gold” other wise known as “the poor mans fertilizer…” That’s a thing people and is why our grass looks so lush and green once that snow melted – Mother Nature may not have been messing with us after all and just trying to help us out. Don’t believe me? Check this out….

https://www.visitthefarm.com/snow-poor-farmers-fertilizer/

7. So get this – I went out and left the comfort of my own home and my pj’s not once, but twice last weekend. Now don’t think I completely lost my mind, I still went out both nights in jeans and a tshirt but Friday night I threw on a sweathshirt without any stains on it, and Saturday I managed to throw a pullover sweater into the mix, so in my mind that is dressed up. Friday night Sue Miller and I joined the likes of Meghan McDonald, Norene Coyne, Julie O’Malley and new friend Linda aka Roxanne, for Bunco at the Knights of Columbus. First Bunco outing since the pandemic. Minding our business waiting for our fearless Leader Meghan McDonald to start the shenanigans, this guy comes up to our table and starts talking at my Mother, while not one word left her mouth…after some babbling he says to her, “Hey, so your’re irish, look at that irish face... what part of Ireland are you from?“ Deadpan she says, "Worcester". And that’s what happens friends when you interrupt Sue Miller who’s trying to quietly enjoy a Miller Lite and eat her sandwich. Dumbass.

8. AND….that social awkwardness and anxiety that some may have been experiencing all along pre COVID…now that vaccinations are rolling out and we’re getting back out there, I feel like there has been a leveling of the playing field…at this point, I’m less weird and less awkward than most these days. In fact, the way I see it, I’m ahead of the game and am the least awkward one out there …so, it all worked out for me. Welcome to my world people.

9. Quote of the week, “Never use another mans leaf blower…” This was prefaced by, “this is just common courtesy and respect. ..you just don’t do it”. Walter D. 2021

10. Don’t call me from the Bunny hotel aka the shed at 9 o’clock at night to tell me that there is a giant bee that attached itself to the end of your paper towel roll. I don’t want to hear it that you didn't exactly injure it, but squished it just enough to piss it off and it's now buzzing around out there trying to make it's way inside the walls, where it plans to take up residence and spend its summer plotting against you. It's cold, and wet, and dark outside and I’m watching my shows, so you’re on your own. Good luck kid. Let me know how you make out.

11. And last but not least…it's come to my attention that I published this beautifully drawn photo not once, but twice last week without a proper explanation. Please behold yet again, my one and only exhibit this week...a drawing made by none other than my first born, Sammy. I can still refer to him as Sammy because I'm his Mother and that's just how things work. He drew this photo just last week at the age of almost 22, for one of his classes at Bentley University where he will be graduating in just 9 days. He assures me that some of the many take aways from that class were a.) he can still draw, b). as his Mother I will still hang his work up on my fridge until the day I die and c.) he's pretty sure that his Father and I haven't screwed him or his sisters up that bad. Poor RG and Meri...it's still early.

And that’s all I’ve got…Have a great weekend!