Your Weekly Pandemic Antics - Motorcycles, Maniacs & The Pink Super Moon Edition...(4-29-2021)

Well folks, believe it or not, we're at the end of April. April showers bring May flowers. All those nitrates and other goodies that fell from the sky in the snow and flurries and rain have settled nicely on your soon to be lush green lawns and your flower beds - blooms are popping. Add that to a Full Super Moon a.k.a.The Pink Moon, I've been on call and giddy up - doesn't get much better than that. Here's what I've got....

1. Motorycles. It was beautiful last Saturday kids and for all you motorcycle driving lovers out there enjoying the breeze and warm sun on your faces, I hope you enjoyed yourselves. Pot Belly saw every -single- one- of- you. Park Ave, May Street, Chandler Street, the Mass Pike, Rte 9, you name it…you were everywhere. How do I know this you ask? Because I took Pot Belly Pig Dog out to see Sam in Boston last weekend and she lost her ever - loving - mind every time we came anywhere near a motorcycle. After every attempt at jumping out of our moving car, she sat back happy with herself, acting as if she just saved us from abduction. Way to go dog, now you’ll never get to ride in the Jeep with the top down. And for all you riders out there, please accept my deepest apologies...I know my dog (Colleen Guertin...) is a big jerk... Please see exhibits 1 & 2.

2. So our trip out to see Sam was to exchange vehicles. Sams car needed a little checking out at the shop as it continues to mess with him - those close to the source believe despite the luck of the dragonfly corpse, the car is cursed, or haunted, or both. While the cursed car was in the shop, Sam was loaned the Kia minivan otherwise known as The Battle Wagon. Go ahead and make fun of me - mock me if you will, but let me ask you this...how often do you see a woman in a minivan pulled over by the police? Exactly...that’s what I thought.

3. On our trip back from Boston with the middle kid and Pot Belly Pig Dog, I went through a local coffee drive thru who’s name shall not be mentioned, to get the middle kid a coffee and Pig Dog a Pup Cup. I buckled. Now you all know I had to test the coffee Gods and decided to switch it up from my usual black coffee because I'm a glutton for punishment. Of course the ingredients for my fancy ass coffee were on “back order”, why wouldn't they be, because that's normal for a purveyor of over priced coffee, so I said fine, gimme whatever you've got. How does this place stay in business…wait, I know how…because fools like me continue to go back.

4. Fake Fruit. It continues people. This week featured in it's gotta be fake fruit, is the wonderment of grapes. Grapes described as “grapes that taste as sweet as grape jelly”. You don't believe me? Read the label in exhibit 3. This gets me thinking of what came first, the chicken or the egg….well I can tell you with the utmost confidence that the grape came before grape jelly so why is someone trying to reinvent the wheel and make grapes taste like jelly. If you wanna grape that tastes like jelly go get yourself some dam jelly and while you're at it, grab some peanut butter and bread and make yourself a PB & J. Quit messing with the fruit. This of course brings me back to the infamous apple. It continues to sit safely in the door of my refrigerator and it looks just as fabulous as it did when we bought it…back in October. Please see exhibits 3 & 4

5. Stew. Stew the rabbit is named this because he is one step from the pot. While trying to be nice the other day and help the youngest Kap kid out by feeding him, the little jerk decided to come at me. He has no idea that I finance his life by providing him all of the comforts that the amenities of the rabbit motel supply him, and quite honestly, even if he did he wouldn’t care. If anyone sees a 15 lb rabbit running loose in the hood it’s his own dam fault because he doesn’t appreciate how good he has it and decided to vacate the premises willingly. Good luck and God speed Stew, catch ya later...or not. exhibit 5 is Stews Sister Annie...Stew refuses to be photographed.

6. Ducks and Geese. When bringing Pot Belly Pig Dog to Sam’s house last weekend, she was disappointed not to meet the duck and goose that have taken up residence in the backyard of their house. It’s not uncommon for the boys to be sitting in their living room and look outside to see either goose or duck, or both, staring right back at them through the large french doors that look out into the yard. I asked Sam if he or his 4 roommates, who are all grown men and soon to be college graduates, had any pictures of them to share in the Weekly Antics. He told me no because they (duck and goose) sit in their yard quacking at them all the time and they’re “kind of intimidating….” So there you have it folks….a house full of 22 year old men, are being bullied and hassled by one duck and one goose who are uninvited squatters taking up residence in their backyard. Can’t wait to see what happens the next time they try to go outside to start their grill. exhibit 6...a photo taken from afar of the goose who may or may not have followed Sam to campus.

7. Fun Fact - I have little to no sense of smell, ever. This is not COVID related, this is Lisa related and it is what it is. I pride myself with this gift and believe that I am the lucky one to have this fault turned asset, and use it to my advantage as if it is my super power. This lack of smell keeps my stomach in check allowing me to continue to attempt to do the work of the people. So lemme tell you this, if I can smell a house, while outside, at the peak of allergy season, wearing a two layer face mask, before I’ve even made my way through the yard and to the entrance of the house, that is not good. Throw a few crazy ass cats that meet you on the back stoop in to the mix while stepping on their piles of cat food on a humid rainy day, even better. Just another day I go home and am met on the deck by my dogs who stare me down with their accusatory looks as if to say, where the hell have you been, because I've brought that smell home with me. This is when I say to myself, this job is so much fun, I really should work for free. That is normally followed with, I am getting to old for this nonsense... and then, may as well suck it up because Parenteau never takes me seriously when I tell her I quit...

8. Please see exhibit 7. This would be Sue Miller after telling me that she purchased herself some Saran Wrap for the first time ever and assured me that it will be the last. She said “ this shit is the devils plastic…” She hates it, and I won’t be surprised if it gets tossed in to the recycling bin with her trash this week. Good luck to the trash guy who tries to tell her that it’s not considered recycable and he won’t take it. She will hunt you down and wrap you up with that entire roll so that you resemble that saran wrap ball we’ve all seen on social media in the past few years. Do yourselves a favor trash guys, and just take the Saran Wrap, it’ll be easier for everyone. ( side note - Helen and I make the best Saran Wrap ball that we torture my kids and the nieces and nephew with every Christmas by the way...)

9. Marshall – Fish update. I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. Bad news is, he lost a fish. Good news is, it wasn’t Betsy. RIP unnamed Fish who took his freedom swim via the porcelain bus. “All drains lead to the ocean.” Gill - Nemo 2003

10. Where can you find me this time of year you ask during a full super moon when I think I'm going to lose my mind because everyone else seems to be...out in the yard visiting my Magnolia tree that is right now in full bloom. Occasionally I even light up my fire pit in the event I get really pissed off and need to set something on fire in order to feel better. Please see exhibit 8 ... I truly love this tree more than any other - even more than the best Christmas trees out there.

11. And last but not least...if anyone’s looking for me this Saturday, I’ll be at Fenway Park watching Sammy receive his Bachelors Degree in Accounting from Bentley University. It’s been a crazy year, but in true Sam fashion you made it work and have made the last 4 years look effortless. You’ll never know how proud you’ve made all of us - you make me strive to be a better person every single day and inspire so many to be the best that they can possibly be.

So proud of you Sam - so blessed that you're my Son. I love you more

than

blue skies

and sunshine.

More than

French fries love ketchup.

More than

Boston loves baseball.

please see exhibit 9, just some of the 2021 Graduates of Bentley University...Andrew, Jack, Sam, Brandon & Alec. ( best friends, roommates and fearers of the backyard duck and goose...) CONGRATULATIONS!