Your Weekly Pandemic Antics End of May Edition...(5-28-20)

1. Got myself and my neighbor rechargeable bug zappers, I am now like Mr. Miagi... “ man who can catch fly with chopsticks accomplish anything…” (Karate Kid, 1984)… our street hasn’t had this much entertainment since the pandemic started.

2. To the Robin who built her nest above my back door under my awning and then proceeded to lay eggs there. You are an unfit Mother. Come back and hatch your own dam eggs, the inn here is full.

3. I’d like to give that same bird a shout out again and say thank you for establishing the above in the most popular area of my house/yard where my three hound dogs, from the south, can spend all day and night trying to catch you….Bird, you suck…you may be worse than the dam chipmunks.

4. Bird feeder update…the birds don’t use it. First it was the chipmunks, now the squirrels which is where I draw the line. Squirrels are like rats with bushy tails. And these aren’t country squirrels, they’re shifty city squirrels…here is where the Super Soaker 5000 comes to good use. Suck it squirrels.

5. You know you’ve exhausted all forms of TV entertainment when your main source of tv type entertainment is now our weekly in service. I’m not gonna lie…I panicked Wednesday morning when I didn’t initially get my “invite” to log on to the meeting…Yes, I recognize that this is beyond pathetic.

6. It’s ON here at Asbury Road. Meri’s been waiting for her Dad to finish building her shed…his production has been lagging. Well, now he’s really screwed because Fly Zapper Joe started his shed, twice the size of Meri’s last week, and it’s almost done….

7. If you sit outside in the sun, close your eyes and click “ocean waves” on the sound machine app you downloaded on your phone…you can pretend you’re at the beach…I should mention for best results, you should have already consumed at least 4 cocktails in order to experience the best effect. (Don’t act like you all haven’t been day drinking…)

8. Update on bench and shrub living at Beaver Brook Park…it’s a cool 82 degrees in the shade with a southwesterly breeze…Day time real feel high is 85 degrees, Low tonight 63. Bug spray is recommended.

9. The above is what I say inside my head when one turns down every housing option available to them pre and post pandemic. This practice of talking to myself has contributed to my longevity here in the PS unit of ESW.

10. It’s hot out there this week peeps. I don’t like the heat. Stay cool. Run your toes through the grass while practicing my recommendation noted in #7. Don’t be an ass, practice social distancing so we can all get back to the office before Christmas. I miss you all…stay well!