Your Weekly Pandemic Antics - Believe it or Not, it's the End of August Edition...(8-26-2020)

Your Weekly Pandemic Antics – believe it or not, it’s the end of August Edition….

Well folks, we’re at the end of August and it’s a balmy 60 degrees out here on the deck this morning and I am loving it. I’m sitting here wearing a sweatshirt, sipping my coffee, and thinking about where I’m going to put the outside heater I ordered off amazon. Mother Nature is not the boss of me and keep me from doing the work of the people from my outside work space…life’s all about adapting these days, right? So here we go….

1. Speaking of snow…I’ve seen two conflicting reports on predictions for this winter. According to the Farmers Almanac where we get all of reliable information, one report says the winter will be mild, little snow, the other says we’re in for a snowy and cold winter. Let’s see what happens. If I listened to accu weather on my phone all summer and ran to the basement ever time it sent out an alert telling me there was a thunderstorm coming, I’d have turned the basement in to an underground bunker.

2. Crossed a few things off the bucket list in the past few weeks…surfing and bridge jumping. Now don’t get crazy people, I did neither. I did what every good parent does and threw the youngest Kapacziewski in to the line of fire and made her do both while I checked those tasks off my list.

3. Vernon Hill Pool…well people, the middle kid survived her second summer up there on the hill. She finished up unscathed, physically fine, possibly mentally and emotionally scarred but, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Life lessons in the Woo.

4. Bug Zapper Joe is off for a few days and was once again, back up on his roof, this time cleaning the gutters, or mocking me, getting some sun or all of the above. Either way, looked like he was having fun and I didn’t have to call 911.

5. Big news amongst Sue Millers Bowling crew…BJ’s is back to accepting paper coupons so now they don’t have to hold up the check-out line trying to download their coupons on the BJ’s app. And why exactly does my 75 year old Mother who lives alone and has no one living with her to feed need to buy everything in bulk? And don’t gimme the whole, well she needs to stock up, we’re in a Pandemic. That. Is. Bogus. Sue Miller’s been buying in bulk from the big box stores long before the world starting falling apart and we found ourselves in any kind of crisis. Should any of you need practical items such as a 10lb bag of crushed walnuts or a 12 pack of Pledge, lemme know and I’ll make sure she hooks you up.

6. The one night I needed Goose to alert me to a trespasser in my yard and she let me down. There’s something large lurking around here on Asbury Road that felt the need to exhume Rufus the rabbit from the Circle of Death…not a good way to start a Monday morning. So brace yourselves…now that Rufus has made an after-life appearance on my lawn and Al was left to deal with this event, I now have to be nice to him. This uncharacteristic niceness however, will be short lived. I haven’t completely lost my mind.

8. Gramma Edie…she’s up to the same old tricks. Had no time to see me this week, but had enough time to start trouble and put in her request for cookies. In case you’re wondering, if you give an old lady a phone, she will find a way to have booze delivered to her, from the liquor store, to the nursing home, during a pandemic. Thanks Kevin, you’re making my life SO MUCH EASIER.

9. Ok, so we’re all stressed, and tired, and maybe should wear our glasses more often. Just because you’re working from home doesn’t mean you should go completely rogue and walk around blind, and here’s why…I thought what I saw was Meri putting spray whipped cream on her bowl of pasta…so naturally I said, “why for crying out loud are you putting whipped cream on your pasta?” She says, “Mom, this is a bowl of fruit. Not spaghetti. Who do you think I am, Buddy the Elf?”

10. And that brings me to Elves…well all you over achieving parents with little kids have really screwed yourselves now. It’s bad enough you’ve gotta keep the spirit of Santa alive, but now you Elf on the Shelf families have really complicated things for yourselves. How are you gonna spend the whole month of December moving that stupid elf around while your kids are all being home schooled??? I do not have a good history with that dam Elf…please see exhibit #2, (RIP Big Dog circa 2015 with what used to be Charlie the Elf). If you need help making that Elf disappear, I can send the Pot Belly Pig Dog over to take care of him for you.

11. And for your bonus this week kids…the oldest Kap kid moves out on Friday and his sisters are already planning their weekend visits. My husband has not batted an eyelash or been a participant in any of these conversations until he realized that Sam was also planning on taking one of the dogs…didn’t phase him that his daughters would be going, but was alarmed that the dog was…anyone else see any problem with this?

Have a great weekend!!!