Your Weekly Pandemic Antics April Fools Day Edition (4-1-21)

Well kids, it’s April Fools Day and I hope you’re planning on being kind because I think the Universe has been playing enough jokes on us as of late and people – are – tired. Not to mention that for many of us we are heading into Easter weekend, and I don’t know about all of you, but I don’t need to cause any more trouble for myself with the Big Guy, so I’m playing it safe. Here’s what I’ve got….

1. Dogs and Donuts…Al is not scoring any points with the youngest Kap kid. After his Wegmans run he went to Dunkins to get the dogs donuts. The Dogs. Nothing for Meri. She was not impressed and could be heard muttering something like, “apparently you’ve gotta wear a collar to get donuts around here…” Dad joke was on her this time. Well played Al, well played.

2. Please see exhibits 1. This is the foolishness that goes on around here. This is NOT a holder of toilet paper tubes you fools…it is to stack your supply of toilet paper. They do this stuff just to mess with me. I’m glad I’m here to entertain these people.

3. Don’t flim flam a flim Flammer. This phrase leaves my mouth at an increasingly alarming rate these days my friends. I’d like to publicly thank my cousin Jimmy Donahue for coining this phrase that I’ve stolen from him. It applies more and more to my daily work life than I should probably admit. Goes a long nicely with help me help you and just your plain old generic we’ll accomplish so much more if you just don't lie to me… falls on deaf ears most days, but I try. Please see exhibit 2, the original Flim Flammers....

4. 2K update. Al and Meri have resumed their 2k video game play after a month hiatus. I’d like to report that according to her, her Dads skills have not improved and she gave him a beating. Perhaps he should make sure he gets the kid a donut next time so she doesn’t take her donut rage out on him during their 2k tournaments. I can only do so much peeps…some things he’s just gotta figure out for himself.

5. Oat milk. Okay, so I’m all for trying new things and going the healthy route, but for the love of God and all that’s holy, don’t mess with my coffee. As I’ve said before and will say again, I like my coffee black like my soul, particularly before noon. I’ve been known to venture off the beaten path and partake in a flavored latte from time to time at my new favorite place, Roots & Press in Tatnuck Square, but again, that’s in the afternoon hours after the caffeine has seeped into my blood stream, rooted itself firmly to adjust my mood, and then, and only then, is all good with the world. Go ahead, put oat milk in my coffee middle kid and see what happens to you – try me. (If you haven’t been to Roots & Press yet, check them out…they are fabulous! 623 Chandler Street Worcester, right in Tatnuck Square.)

6. Goose and the weather. If it’s snowing, or too windy, or sprinkling, or torrential downpours, Goose will not go outside. She doesn’t care what your story is, she will morph into a camel and refuse to go out. She will not risk being attacked by blowing leaves and harsh winds that are clearly targeting her, and only her, and bring her to her untimely demise. She watches the others go out as if they’ve lost their minds while she chooses to remain indoors and she sits, and she waits, and she stares. If she’s not staring at you, she’s pawing at you or following you around. She can’t seem to understand that although I am the Alpha dog and run the show, I do not control the weather. Can’t help you Goose. This is New England. You’re gonna have to figure out how to deal with the wind.

7. Don’t bake angry. I’ll tell you what…I wouldn’t bake angry if you’d get the hell out of my kitchen.

8. We don’t discriminate in this house and everyone and anyone is fair game. That goes for Blueberry. She is not exempt from the love (or torture) she receives here. With that said, does this look like she’s having fun? This should be entitled “Harley’s Revenge…” see exhibits 3 & 4. She gets her jabs in too however…this is her mocking the dogs, reminding them they don’t have thumbs, therefore can’t let themselves in to the house.

9. The Worcester Public Schools went back to school this week to start their hybrid model. Now that Al’s working in the Woo and doesn’t have to commute, he’s home for the hussle and bussle of the morning and let’s face it, is a human shield in a rock fight. Al was leaving and says, “Good luck at school today Meri…you finally have class…” Meri just shook her head and walked away. Just when you think the Dad jokes can’t get any worse…

10. If your kids went back Hybrid this week, make sure you’re extra nice to your dogs and put everything and anything you don’t want destroyed, out of their reach. I’ve had several sets of eyes staring at me wanting to know where the hell their kid is, and quite frankly, it’s unnerving. They, like Meri's brother, think that I lack the competence and good sense to take care of her and now according to them, she’s lost. And P.S. be kind to your kids teachers…maybe drop off a few dunkins gift cards so we can keep them caffeinated…they’re gonna need it. 😊

11. And last but not least – be kind kids. And for crying out loud, be aware….if you pull in to a lot and you see ... car, spot ... car, car, car – spot, spot, spot – car, spot, car spot and then there’s a whole open row of open spots, there’s really no need to squeeze your big ass truck right in next to someone. No one needs you that close to their car so that your breath from talking is on their window. And that has nothing to do with the pandemic, it’s just a matter of good old common sense and personal space. Get with the program.

Happy Easter peeps! Have a great weekend!