Your Weekly Pandemic Antics 1st Week of Spring Edition (3-26-2021)...

Your Weekly Pandemic Antics First Week of Spring Edition…(3-26-21)

Well folks, we are in the first full week of spring and things are looking up. I hope you’ve all gotten yourselves outside, enjoyed the sunshine and took down your outside Christmas decorations that haven’t been taken out by recent windstorms and left to irritate your seasonally conscious neighbors. Ask Mike Nowicki…he’ll vouch for me that here in the hood I keep some lights up all year long and I love it. You don’t like it, keep it moving. Here’s what I’ve got….

1. Got the best compliment of ALL TIME last week. Those of you who work in Social Work will appreciate this and understand that retired Social Workers, Nurses, and specifically Psych Nurses are-the-worst. And I’m not afraid to say this, because I say this as a compliment and will surely be one of them. They’re always one step ahead of you, they know all your lines and tricks, and when they don’t want to do something, there is nothing you can do or say to convince them otherwise. I’m also convinced that once one retires from any of the above professions, in addition to the goodbyes and social security check, someone somewhere hands you a magic wand to practice all that pent up voodoo you’ve been waiting to let loose on the world once you no longer have an employer to answer to… You don’t mess with the above, simple as that. If you choose to and you get eaten alive, well I told you so. You know you’re doing something right in this job when you’re out on a home visit to see one of the above and they say to you, “FINE. I’ll do what you say - only because you seem crazier than I am…” I’ll take that as a win - thank you very much.

2. And…as I’ve said before, one of my all- time favorite quotes from none other than Doug Flutie… “Always do your best because a pat on the back is real close to a kick in the pants…” Heed his words my friends, heed – his – words. One second they love you, the next you’re being blamed for all things evil, people are calling to complain and talk trash, and you’re name winds up smack dab in the center of one of our reports…As our fearless leader recently said… “it was bound to happen sooner or later….” MAP 2021

3. Speaking of top- secret skills, voodoo, magic wands and such…I heard that there was a recent crashing of a weekly supervision…Hudson, you better talk to IT about that. Maybe my new ESW issued laptop has special powers…perhaps next week your supervision crasher will teleport to your driveway.

4. Weighted Hula Hoops. The middle kid decided this would be a fun purchase from amazon last week. Go ahead, live large ya lunatic. Don’t come crying to me when you can’t feel your waist, but what do I know. I’ll tell you what Goose knows. That poor dog found out the hard way not to walk too close to the hula hoop when hula hoopin is happenin. The way Goose reacted, you would’ve thought the hula hoop was on fire. I was not allowed to share the video of the middle kids mad hula hooping skills, but I was allowed to send one to our good buddy Beet who is currently stationed in Nebraska. Apparently, one needs top military clearance to view such videos. This is Beets response…please see exhibit 1... exhibit 2 is Beet, well, just because.

5. Friggin Dog…do I need to tell you which one? Down here on our corner we live right near one of the elder housing buildings…nice flat walking friendly neighborhood. Perfect spot for Pot Belly to monitor the walkers while scanning her territory for chipmunks and Fat Bastard Frank the squirrel. Seeing as Harley is a self- proclaimed seasonal worker, preferring not to work until the climate is just so, this puts The Pig in charge. It’s bad enough that Pot Belly stalks her fence all day long, but she doesn’t care who you are and she doesn't discriminate, anyone is fair game. Parenteau…now that we’ve got some nice weather prepare for an influx of reports. Pot Belly has been spending her days harassing the good residents of Bet Shalom while they’re out on their walks. She’s made a few friends, but not many because she won’t shut- the- hell- up.

6. During Harley’s off season, she can be found sunning herself like squid – on – rock. She’s been known to chase nothing but the sun as she moves from spot to spot throughout the yard catching the rays, particularly on days when it’s above 55 degrees and the UV index is between a 4 and a 5. She may look like she’s lounging around, but I suspect that’s part of her scheming…the more uninterested she looks, the better her chances of catching intruders – you guessed it – her nemesis, the band of chipmunks and their woodland friends. This is her time for scrutinizing and preparing for those unscrupulous little bastards who spend their summer terrorizing her. She’s considering her many options, contemplating and pondering how she’ll head off their assaults against her in her yard. The wheels are spinning people. I’ll keep you posted.

7. Me: Al, how do you like your new shirt? Do you like the color? Does it fit good? How’s the collar? Are the sleeves long enough? How’s the fabric? Is it soft? Al… “Oh-my-God I don’t even have it over my head yet….” And by the way, Al says he has no reason to read the antics because, and I quote, “ I live them every day…” whatevahhhhh Al.

8. Edie…I got a letter from the nursing home letting all the families of its residents know that COVID restrictions have been lifted and visitations have been opened up effective March 15th. Being the dutiful granddaughter that I am, or a glutton for punishment, I decide to test the waters and arrange an appointment, despite her hate mail. Visit appointment made. Edie notified. Get a call back that Edie won’t be available that day. I make another appointment. I get it confirmed. I get a call back, yup, Edie’s not available that day either. Now, she’s in a long- term care facility. I make her appointments and such and know for a fact she’s got nothing going on and will not be missing any of the Nursing Home activities, you know, the ones she complains about having to attend, during these visit times. I facetime to see what’s up. “ Are you bringing candy?” Sure, I can bring some candy…. “Are you bringing vodka?” No, I can’t bring booze to the Nursing home. CLICK. Well, that takes care of that.

9. Marshall…it’s all fun and games with that guy. He makes a 7:30 AM medical appointment that he’s asked me to take him to. Why at 7:30 AM? Because he thinks it’s funny to get me up and out of the house at o-dark-hundred and clearly he doesn't fear my decaffeinated self. From there, to Price Chopper to get his chickens. Awesome.

10. Stimulus checks. Ours comes by mail. Al has securely packed up the shredder and hasn’t told me where he’s stored it. He said I can have it back once our check is received and securely deposited into our account. I’m thinking I won’t see that shredder again until at least June or maybe never. He’s no fun.

11. And last but not least, a big shout out to the Millbury Police Department who put up with a variety of shenanigans while I was on call last weekend. To my fellow Protective Services Worker who’s on call next, beware because the next full moon is March 28th, the Worm Moon. According to NASA the Worm Moon is considered the last full moon of winter, and according to the Farmers Almanac, it signifies the time of year when earthworms and grubs come out of dormancy. According to me, any- and- all full moons bring out all the dorment creatures both big and small who present themselves in a variety of moods and levels of irrationality that only those who do the work of the people would understand. With that I say, good luck and God speed Linda, you’re up next... And that’s all I’ve got…

Have a great weekend!!! 😊