Your Weekly Antics - Tik Tok Makes it Okay Edition...8/26/21

Well kids, I’ve been accused of a lot over the years, but I have never heard this one until last week. Sometimes I get in to peoples homes by bribing them with coffee or donuts, sometimes dog or cat food for their pets, home delivered meals, you name it. Other times I get lucky, they hear my last name and I'm in the door. This usually comes to an abrupt halt once they take one look at me and decide that no, I am not in fact from Poland. This was one of those times. The only reason this guy considered speaking to me was because of the “Ski” at the end of my name as he was from Poland. This guy takes one look at me and says, “You’re not Polish…” I said, “No sir, I’m not, my husband is…” He says, “he speak polish?” No. “You have kids?” Yes. “They speak Polish?” No. His response, “Go away, you not real Polish…” And there you have it folks. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, it’s a struggle doing the work of the people. Here’s what I’ve got…

1. I of course reported the above to my Husband, who immediately responded, “ Did you tell him that I work for the phone company therefore I should be considered, wait for it… “ a telephone pol?” Do I need to tell you what Meri's reaction was to that one??? I didn't think so.

2. This above statement was followed by Meri's moans and groans about the quality of Al's jokes, this term of course used loosely, and her asking the universe how he thinks of this stuff. She speculates that perhaps he belongs to some kind of Dad -Club organized by Father's everywhere that also holds a vault of babblings and anecdotes that only Dads think are funny. This just fuels his fire which in turn gives me material to work with for next week.

3. That brings me to the on going Elevator mystery I spoke of last week. I was at Attorney Eynon's office. I took the elevator up to the 3rd floor - if you're a faithful reader you should know that I took the elevator on the right side up, avoiding the left completely. I get to the office, I drop off my paperwork, I go to leave and low and behold who should show up??? You guessed it, Mark Zarrow looking all retired and under cover. Coincidence you ask? I think not. Meri was there as my witness...

4. Here’s one of the more brilliant things I’ve heard this week…minding my own business listening to the radio while out and about, some weatherman is talking about the forever impending doom around here while reporting on Hurricane Henri’s backlash that resulted in tornado warnings/watches in Mass. The radio announcer says, “So Dave, can you tell us what we should do if we’re out driving and see a tornado? Dave’s response was, “ Well Janet, you certainly don’t want to drive towards it…” I need to know who this guy is, where he lives and his alcohol of choice because that was the best answer ever and he deserves a bottle of whatever he's drinking. Seriously Janet? Get it together.

5. My friend Kara more times that not, has been the voice of reason. Kara has determined and I would have to agree, that Tik Tok has made all of the nonsense, poor fashion choices, stupid pranks, experiments and over all poor judgements okay. Her theory is if it happens on Tik Tok society must believe it to be the law and okay to try, wear, experiment with, and throw caution to the wind. If it happens on Tik Tok, despite how stupid it is or how awful you look it must be accepted anarchy everywhere, because Tik Tok makes it okay. Kara…” You wanna eat bell pepper sandwiches morning noon and night – Tik Tok makes it okay…” “ You wanna have hot sauce, cream cheese and avocado on toast? Tik Tok makes it okay…” " You want to go out to dinner wearing a tube top and short shorts...Tik Tok makes it okay..." Make a pact with your friends people - your good friends will never let you do any of the above. If they do, find new ones, because they're not your real friends. #tiktokmakesitokay

6. Want to know what’s wrong with America? I’ll tell you what – these people walking around with their face masks everywhere but on their faces. Now that the mask mandates are coming out of their very brief hibernation, those people wearing the masks everywhere but their faces are also resurfacing. While out having dinner last week I ran across such a fellow who was sitting at a bar wearing his mask on his forehead. I'm not quite sure if maybe it was there for safe keeping, he forgot it was there, or perhaps he was making some kind of fashion statement. Maybe he had indulged too much in his libations? Or... maybe he'd been watching Tik Tok videos and just figured, Tik Tok makes it okay...PSA for the week - wear them on your face people, it's not rocket science.

7. I was going to avoid talking about Hurricane Henri and that we lucked out as he missed our fine city, but I’ll admit I can’t help myself…Thank you weathermen everywhere for making us all nuts. All the hoopla and hype and we got some rain and some wind. Now we could’ve used more of a heads up days prior to this supposed Henri landfall when the city was flooding from the unnamed monsoon that hit us out of nowhere, but what do I know? I think someone was asleep at the wheel or the weather maps or whatever. Thanks for the heads up. You want accurate local weather? Check Zack Green's website...he's always spot on...https://newenglandwx.blogspot.com/

8. With weathermen and weather and storms of all kinds come the people who despite the warnings, have to be in the thick of it because they don’t believe warnings of any kind apply to them. If you grew up in New England, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Some weather reporter or passerby who decides all warnings given by the National Weather Service apply to everyone else but them, they get as close as they possibly can to the 12 foot waves, and next thing you know, they’re getting sucked out to see or swept away in 75 mph winds. Idiots. Take exhibit 1 for example. How did this guy not know this wouldn’t end well for him?

https://www.wcvb.com/article/rhode-island-man-sent-tumbling-during-tropical-storm-henri/37367553#

9. You know your friends are looking towards retirement age when they purchase a second hand golf cart. They don't do so because they live on a golf course, golf regularly, own golf clubs, live in a retirement community or have any physical impairments that would hinder their ability to walk, they just thought it would be fun. Who wouldn't want to cruise around their neighborhood on a random summer night taking in the sites and sounds all at a whopping 22 mph? Feast your eyes on this baby...Exhibits 2 & 3 Tom & Sharon Landers and the now infamous golf cart.

10. Who says the domesticated fish needs us? After 3 weeks of neglect, I'm happy to report that Skippy the Fish remains the last man standing in Marshalls fish tank despite the lack of attention he has been paid. We may have forgotten to feed him in recent weeks, and as you'll see in Exhibit 4 thankfully he is no worse for the ware...I think he may even be smiling...

And last but not least, in another episode of just another animal living with the Kaps who has absolutely no idea what species she is, see Exhibit 5, Auggie who has clearly been spending too much time with the dogs.

Have a great weekend!