Your Weekly Antics - The Things You See & Hear on Saturday Morning Errands Edition...9-2-2021

Well kids, we're in September. I hope by now you've masked up your kiddo's, thrown together their daily PB&J and you've been shipping them successfully off to school. If they walk to school, may they do so safely and swiftly. If they take the bus, I hope they haven't been standing on the side of the road for extended periods of time waiting for their transport and that said transport actually showed up for them. If you drive them, good luck and Godspeed, specifically if you are the parent of teenagers - I hope you think before you speak because you should know by now you are a human shield in a rock fight, especially during the first week of school. If you’re a kid reading this and old enough to drive, for the love of God don’t drive like an ass and be safe. All in all, I hope you've all gotten through it thus far - and for your troubles you have been gifted a holiday weekend, you're welcome. Here's what I've got...

1. You want to know how to horrify your 14 year old, now Freshman in High School??? Be out in the coveted Kia minivan when Technotronic’s Pump up the Jam comes on 103.3 fm, which apparently is now considered the lame oldie station according to said child - put that on as high as the minivan will allow and sing every- single- last -word-of-it- windows rolled down – and belt that tune out as loud as you can. It’ll do your heart good, and although she will never admit it, I’m pretty sure it did her heart good too. Loosen up people, it’s good for all of us.

2. And the fun continued while out on our Saturday morning adventure with the youngest Kap kid. Sitting at a light on the corner of Plantation and Boylston Streets, we see this, Exhibit 1. Little blue parakeet breathing in the fresh summer air – sitting back, watching the traffic, living his best life while enjoying the sites of our fine city. Only in Worcester. Meri the big chicken clearly needs to improve her photo taking skills if she doesn’t want me taking pictures of interesting finds while I’m driving…this is the best she could do so you've gotta look really close...

3. I wonder if the above little blue Parakeet gets harassed and bullied by the pigeons of The Woo? Like, do they fly up, mock him from outside his cage flying by at close range chirping names at him? Do you think they make fun of him because he lives the good climate controlled life indoors, gets three square meals a day and unlimited water while the pigeons are dumpster diving up at Lincoln Square Plaza? Just a thought.

4. As luck would have it for the youngest Kap kid, our adventures continued. One errand she was lucky enough to accompany me on was to get Marshall some new pants and none of you should be surprised that he didn’t like anything that I purchased. I told him he’s worse than a teenage girl, yet back to the store I went. For those of you who know me, perhaps you should clue Marshall in on exactly how much I hate shopping for anything ever and the fact that I’m willing to go inside a store to buy him clothes is a true testament to our friendship. Oh but wait, he knows that, and he doesn’t really care. Hasn’t stopped him from telling me he’s not wearing the new pants and that I need to get him the “right” ones…fantastic, I’m on like trip 4 at this point. I told him it’s not my fault that he’s too short and too skinny and I can’t find a pair of pants made for Elves in our local department stores. And NO, I’m not attempting to hem sweatpants - I am not Chad’s Mom Agnes who I’ve been told is a sewing super hero according to Marshall - I've got to draw the line somewhere. He’s lucky I like him.

5. Trip #3 happened to be to Wal Mart – the worst place to go for someone who hates to shop. Walking from the parking lot into the store I had a Jack McGrail sighting. For those of you who may not know, Jack is a celebrity in these parts, especially amongst the population of Clinton, MA. There is such a thing as The Six Degrees of Jack McGrail similar to that of Kevin Bacon. In fact, I believe Kevin Bacon is the copy- cat in this scenario and that the Six Degrees were originally established because of McGrail. I know, I know, this is hard to believe, but I'm telling you, I speak the truth. With this said, it was no surprise to me that I found him trapped in conversation by one of his many adoring fans in the parking lot – poor guy hadn’t even made it inside the store before being accosted by the fine people of West Boylston. How is McGrail supposed to complete all those mundane tasks that us regular people have to complete when he’s being interrupted by the public? Cut him some slack people. Either leave him alone or make him talk and walk while he completes his errands so he can avoid trouble. He’s got stuff to do, places to be, people to see, he doesn’t have time for such hold ups. Exhibit 2, Jack McGrail with his favorite Godchild. Exhibit 3, McGrail in his normal attire in the event you see him, you'll recognize him.

6. With the start of the school year means school busses are back on the roads. In addition to the school busses, traffic on a whole has been outrageous in recent weeks with no sign of improvement no thanks to people being back out there driving to work, running their kids to their extra curriculars, street closures due to filming, and the city taring up every other street causing delays. I know we're all out of practice with the traffic, but come on, this isn’t your first rodeo here in the Woo. You’ve gotta add at least 15 minutes to your commute, possibly more, so plan accordingly people...It’s too dam early in the morning for road rage, and we’re all too tired in the afternoons for your nonsense - get it together.

7. Traffic and parking...If you live near Doherty High School, buckle up. With the building of the new school comes lack of parking and increase in traffic in the 02. The former Doherty parking lot and practice fields were plowed under to make way for the construction of the new building. Not only has this displaced and made very unhappy some of my clients - those who despite all of my and other community resources efforts, who would rather live in those woods instead of elder housing - this also brings parking and traffic chaos. Here are my suggestions - if you're going to park day after day in front of a house on one of the surrounding streets, you best make friends with the person who lives there. Keep in mind the residents of the 02 can be a bit crazy and somewhat possessive of the parking spaces on the streets located directly in front of their homes. Worcester residents don't necessarily believe that the roads and streets belong to the public allowing any passerby's to park in front of homes that don't have the driver/parkers names attached to the address. With that said, be respectful. Don't let trash fall out of your car and on their lawn while you're squealing in to the spot on the street that you've claimed for your own. Maybe offer to shovel their walk. Say Hello. Be kind. Don't be loud and disruptive getting their dog all worked up at 7 am - be courteous, it goes a long way. If that fails, you may want to beat feet it outta there and find another street to park on because people are stressed and crazy and you may find your car ticketed, towed, or bathed in blue lights. Whatever you do, should there be an orange cone in a spot on the street in front of a house, do not move it or you'll be dead where you stand. Another Option, you can truck yourself up and down Highland Street to park your car at Price Chopper until they too catch on and kick you out. So don't act like you don't have options if you're not one of the chosen 50 12th grade Seniors who get chosen in the lottery to get a parking spot on school grounds. Good luck! May the force of the parking Gods be with you.

8. With the first week of school comes the obligatory 1st day of school picture. I don’t care how old this group of kids gets, until the last kid graduates from whatever level of education they pursue, they will partake in said 1st day of school photo. I have to give them credit, never once have they complained, ever. Doesn’t matter where they are or how far from home, they still humor me and partake in this long - awaited yearly event. They’re a good group – but don’t tell them I told you so – I don’t want them to use that against me at a later date. See exhibit 2, 1st day of school FaceTime pic - Reaghan, Meri, Roena, Kevin & Sam.

9. Heads up faithful readers…Sue Miller has new wheels. Her new Whip as the Grandkids call it, four door silver Subaru – be on the look- out. Don’t act like you haven’t been warned. If you find that she's out causing problems, please call Walter and Angel. Apparently, because she bakes for them no rules apply to her and she will be allowed to get off scott-free should she decide to take on a life of crime now that she's back to having full access to independent transportation.

10. In addition to new wheels, by the time you read this, Sue Miller will have been the recipient of some new hardware from none other than Dr. Jimmy Angelis. When reviewing the do’s and don’ts, Dr. Jimmy was sure to explain to my Mother that this new hardware will not set off any security alerts at her favorite stores and will not hold her up at any airports when she decides to travel. Let's say that again...when she decides to travel...Sue Miller was sure to let Dr. Angelis know that she had no concerns with traveling by airplane because – you guessed it – she said, “ Don’t worry about it Jimmy, I don’t leave Park Ave…” So unless metal detectors are suddenly installed on Park Ave, she’s good to go.

11. And last but not least...be kind folks. Everyone's trying to get back in to the swing of things - school, busses clogging all the traffic up, masks on, masks off, masks on again, working from home, working in office, working from home and office and not knowing what the hell day you're supposed to be anywhere, never mind what time. Cut yourselves and each other some slack!

Have a great weekend!