Your Weekly Antics, The Red Door Tour Edition 6-8-23

Well kids, better late than never. Let it be known that it did not go unnoticed that none of my faithful readers...none - of- you...noticed that The Antics were late this week - none of you. We're not talking by minutes or by a few hours, we're talking by a whole day. A WHOLE DAY!!! Not even Billy Parenteau noticed...and you all wonder why I like dogs more than people...at least they know when I've gone missing. Here's what I've got...

1. Hank the Beta Fish continues to live his best life up there on the mantel. He spends his days swimming up and down and all around and then staring at himself in the mirror. If Hank could talk, he’d be heard saying, hey, now there’s a good looking fella…Hank is self sufficient and doesn't need anyone or their nonsense...he's his own BFF.

2. Like Hank, I’m making friends everywhere I go…this past week I once again found my people, this time at Foxwoods. No, it was not at the slot machines. And no again, I was not with Sue Miller and her Foxwoods crew. Instead, I was at the Indigo Girls concert. It should be no surprise to anyone that even when traveling out of the Woo I am a magnet and/or tend to gravitate towards those over the age of 80. I wanted to ask this woman for her permission to take her picture for The Antics, but I honestly couldn't bring myself to interrupt her good time. Rock on lady, I strive to be you. Peace ✌️

Exhibit 1, The Indigo Girls

3. If you have school-aged children, you’ll know that they’re in the home stretch and school’s due to be out in the next few weeks. College kids are all home and have infiltrated your homes with all their junk and dirty laundry. Don’t know what to do with your kids this summer? Looking for quality wholesome activities you can do as a family? Looking for ways to continue their educations and shape their young minds when school is not in session? Don't be boring and do all those regular mundane family activities, expand their horizons - bring them to a horror movie.

4. The middle kid is a horror movie junkie, this started early on and no one was excluded from watching any and all horror movies with her, and that includes her BFF Kevin. Horror movies weren't his thing, but he went a long anyway and was dragged to more than he would have liked - one movie franchise in particular, Insidious, stands out in our minds. Picture this...it's 2014 - myself and another Mother Janice, have taken our then 6th, 7th and 8th graders to see the latest Insidious movie. We sit somewhere in the middle and all the kids sat way up in back loaded up with their snacks. We didn't have to worry about losing them because we could hear them screaming throughout the movie while we sat below and spent our time laughing at them. If you know anything about the Insidious franchise, you'll know that a focal point of their movies involves the Red Door. The Red Door is the main pathway to the Further and it is the entrance to various portals and lairs of the main antagonists of the Insidious movie franchise. Remember this fact as we move on to #5...

5. If hearing the kids screams during the movie wasn't funny enough, this event was taken one step further by praying on Kevins now fear of the red door. After pick up from school one Friday, a Friday with enough time passed that a traumatized movie goer would now have this trauma in their rear view, all kids were loaded up in the old silver mini van affectionately known as the Battle Wagon, and off we went...on The Red Door Tour. We drove our carefully mapped out route - the route that had been mapped out prior to school pick up, that took note of all the homes with red front doors within a 2 mile radius. You'd be surprised how many homes have red doors in our neighborhood. Please note that this newly coined Red Door Tour was created to further torment Kevin. If anyone working at ESW should see Kevin walking the halls, feel free to walk up behind him and whisper red door tour... do it. It'll be fun.

6. Fun fact - many of us are working Hybrid schedules. Be careful if you get your days mixed up - you don't want to accidentally show up to work wearing your pj's, or worse, forgetting to put on pants. This is not the way to get your employer to allow you to work from home all the time...only thing this will accomplish is a trip to the HR department.

7. At the risk of sounding like I’m 100 years old, let me tell you this…kids today have no idea how good they’ve got it. Taking the youngest Kap kid out driving recently we found ourselves behind May Street School during off school hours when the lot/play area was vacant and free to peruse. All the Kap kids as well as I, went to May Street School for our elementary school years. Naturally things change – or at least they do now – I don’t think anything changed at the school or at any schools for that matter, in the 70’s and 80’s when I attended. If it wasn’t broken or not a direct hazard that would result in a child’s dismemberment and the need for administration to complete paperwork to explain how said child was dismembered, no changes or upgrades were made. Nothing was improved for safety or to improve the quality of life of our 1980 – ish selves, you got what you got, didn’t complain and went about your business- we didn’t know any better and quite honestly, no one cared. Case in point. We roll on into the school parking lot / playground area and Meredith notices the changes made to the playground. These new editions and minor changes were met by, that’s cool, that wasn’t here when I went here. Listen up kid, none of this was here when I was in elementary school. All that was back here in the “playground” in 1981, was an empty concrete parking lot. We were told to go outside, keep ourselves entertained and to stay out of trouble. No one cared that there wasn’t any playground apparatus to play on. There were no swings. No jungle gym. Maybe there was an old faded hopscotch painted on the crumbled concrete, but I’m not even sure about that, and there was definitely no kickball diamond – that I would remember because I was a kickball legend - no one cared....

8. We are so old. I feel like I’m 100… People I work with are younger than my kids… The co worker I was talking with yesterday was born the year I started at Elder Services… Are we Gen X or Gen Z? I don’t know, let me google it… “ This would be some of the contents of the text strand had by some former May Street School kids that was then met with this response...we are seasoned citizens…” Best Dad Joke of the week goes to… Chris Andrianopoulos, 6-7-23

9. My solution to the homeless crisis in our fine city…I’m going to drive around with large Uhaul boxes in the back of my van and hand them out. My compassion is not lacking people, there is just nowhere to move people to and until I can produce adequate affordable housing out of thin air, this is all I have to offer, I've got nothing. Inside those boxes will be free tickets to a Woo Sox game in addition to vouchers for free meals at any of the food vendors inside the concourse. Better yet, maybe some of these people can move in there? We can set up tents and cots, or camp out in the stands?

To the next public official who wants to know why I can’t find housing for yet another homeless person who has found there way to Worcester, this will be my response. That and figure out how to get these people free rent to one of the many new housing developments being built that are unaffordable to the regular working people. Help me - Help you - Help them.

10. If you are a medical professional working at one of the area’s largest hospitals and schedule an appointment for a particular time as appointments go, it is not acceptable to be more than 15 minutes late, especially when working in geriatrics. They’re running out of time people, elders don’t have time to waste sitting around in an exam room waiting for the likes of you. They’ve got places to be, get it together.

And last but not least...don't forget to bug Kevin.

Have a great weekend!