Your Weekly Antics The Great Cinnamon Bun Imposter Edition...8-5-21

Imposters, knocks offs, fakes and frauds. They’re all around us people and we see them on the shelves of our local grocery stores every day. All those companies, you gotta give them credit for trying, but they just can’t get it right. If I ask for a Diet Coke, I want a Diet Coke, not Sams Cola or Great Value Cola, you will be ridiculed. If I wanted to buy knock off Peanut Butter instead of Jif, I’d buy it. Hmmm, let’s see, Big Y Oreo’s or Nabisco Oreo’s, I’m going for the Nabisco. Most times spending that few extra cents or taking those few extra minutes to think things through make all the difference in the world. Here's what I've got.

1. Sometimes the real deal is just better, plain and simple. Freshly baked from scratch homemade with love baked goods, or those made by a stranger, which would you choose? Hands down, the homemade wins every time...Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies or those made from a store bought box mix, I’m going with option #1. Most times, easier isn't better so if you've got someone willing to put the time and love and care in to a finely mastered baked good especially for you, you better run with. If not, next time you'll find yourself getting box mix cookies or the slice and bake you find in the refrigerated section of the grocery store, or the generic - who knows where they came from cookies - or worse, those found on the very bottom of a shelf in the marked down expired section of your local gas station. Just telling you like it is (ahem, Walter & Angel)... I speak the truth.

2. The MOLST form. For those of you who work in geriatrics, health care, and/or are lucky enough to still have your aging parents, you should be familiar with this form. If not, gimme a buzz. The MOLST form is the Massachusetts Medical Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment. It’s not being morbid, it’s being prepared. When you’ve completed such a form, it’s always wise to keep it in a place in your home where it can easily be viewed should EMS and First Responders get to your home and you are unable to communicate your wishes. You should also make sure that your family or whoever you have as your people, are aware of this form and its whereabouts. This does not mean that the person whom you've named as your decision maker in such an event should make enough copies of this form that you can wallpaper your kitchen with them or hang them in every window of your house as if it were a TOT Finder sticker from 1976. If that's the case, get a new form and pick a new person. I hate to sound jaded, but that initial person may just be a little too over zealous hoping you'll take the dirt nap sooner than later. Be smarter than that people. All kidding aside, if you don’t have one, get one….here's the link... https://www.molst-ma.org/ Thank you Andrea for bringing this up...

3. Speaking of Caregiving, not only am I the preferred caregiver, but also the superior athlete of the family - I declared this after I tossed a tennis ball - in the pitch dark - across the room, off the fireplace wall so that it landed directly in the dogs toy basket. BAM. Take that Lebron.

4. One of the siblings of the Rockets girls who, by default due to birth order, has no choice but to be their most dedicated fan, got himself in to a bit of a pickle last weekend. I will not name names, because I’m all about protecting the identity of my little buddy. So, he gets in trouble for talking back to his Mom. This now involves getting spoken to by Dad. Dad puts the hammer down telling the kid he’s now cut off from his Bubblicious habit for the remainder of the weekend as his consequence for being too big for his britches. My little friend tells his Dad, you can’t tell me what to do, where Dad responds, I most certainly can because I’m the Boss. my three foot friend states, Well you’re not the Boss of me, Mom is. From Dad...crickets…Ok, so not only was this exchange hysterical to me because he’s not my child and I’m on the outside looking in, but this convo took place between a 5 year old and his Dad the Defense Attorney. Dad may as well put his kids name on the letterhead now, buy that letterhead in bulk, and save himself the trouble. Sorry my friend, you lost that one.

5. There’s always that softball Mom who has a little bit of everything which she carries around in a bag that should be far larger than it is for the amount of goodies that it holds. One would think this particular bag was like Hermione Grangers bottomless bag from Harry Potter. You need a band-aid? Go see Mrs. Murphy. A snack? She’s got not one, but I guarantee she has several in a variety pack. Aspirin, ibuprofen, an IV? Yup, it’s in there. Food and drinks to feed a small village, yup, she’s got all that too. Tissues, the endless supply of Bubblicious gum she was supplying to our little 3 foot friend, phone charger, you name it, she’s got it. I wouldn't be surprised if she's got a car battery in there, or at minimum all the stuff required to make one - it- is- bottomless. Go ahead, ask her for something.

6. You see this? The mockery continues. Poor Harley. She has a rough trip to the vet and we get home, pull in to the driveway to find this. This little bastard, her nemesis, waiting for her on top of the youngest Kap kids basketball. She was not happy. Not happy at all. Exhibit 1 is proof that since the Antics started, I am not exaggerating. They seriously harass her every-single-day. It's like an Olympic event.

7. Fresca - who knew?!?! Yup, it’s still a thing. Thought for sure that when this particular Fresca was pulled out of the bag it had to be vintage, maybe the last Fresca on earth or maybe Tracy has a secret stash somewhere. I’ve been assured that Fresca is still a thing and not on the black market. This was confirmed by another reliable source, yes, a softball Mom who shall remain anonymous. ( ok, it was Sarah…) I thought for sure that stuff was taken off the shelves and perhaps there was a saccharin loving Fresca underground smuggling operation - individual cans costing its drinkers $9.99 each, but nope, this product can still be found in grocery stores near you. See what happens when you stick together people? Fresca drinkers near and far must've banded together, refusing to accept the knock off imposter Fresca's out there and took their product back. A true inspiration to us all. Not only have they kept it on the shelves, but get this...it comes in a variety of flavors too...who knew??? Please see exhibit 2.

8. Then there’s this - Heinz Kranch, and Heinz Mayochup, the latest hybrid condiments that found their way to the Kap house. For starters, Sharon Adley Landers definitely got screwed and I will credit her for this delicious concoction until the end of time. Way I see it, she missed her boat and could’ve been retired by now on all the royalties she would’ve received had she patented her recipe. She was creating the Mayochup long before Heinz did and I’m thinking some fool in the Dining Hall of AIC got wind of her tasty concoction and sold her out. Heinz Kranch, not a fan. Please see exhibit 3.

9. The Random Number Generator. Apparently pulling straws and flipping coins is no longer a thing when recent college graduates are determining who gets which bedrooms in their new rental. Sam explained all this to me during our ride to the youngest Kap kids softball game on Sunday. AND it’s an app. Apparently the days of whoever gets there first yelling dibs and throwing their stuff in the room they want is over - nothing like taking the fun and challenge out of everything and going all civilized - The worlds changing people.

10. Feast your eyes on exhibit 4, homemade cinnamon buns. Sometimes the real deal is just better. It has come to my attention that despite making homemade from scratch cinnamon buns, with care and love, specifically for someone who shall not be named, who works in the Nutrition Department, who is the offspring of one of my favorites and sits with me at Elder Services, found the Old Orchard Cinnamon Bun superior to mine. He’s young people, he’ll learn. After much contemplation I’ve decided to let this infraction slide and give him another chance to come to his senses and redeem himself from such a rookie mistake. The other two fools who shall remain anonymous ( for now…), know exactly who they are, the crime against baked goods that they’ve committed, and should by now know better. I’ll keep you posted.

And last but not least, remember kids. Don't bite the hand that feeds. That goes for all those ungrateful woodland creatures out there who some of you still feed, and for Walter and Angel who are quickly making their way to the bottom of my cookie list. Just don’t do it. 😉

Have a great weekend!