Your Weekly Antics The Easter Bunny's a Fraud Edition...4-14-2022

The sad sad truth about Cadbury Mini Eggs…

The Easter Bunny’s a fraud. There you have it people, I’m just saying what you’re all thinking. Hopping a long, minding his own business, I doubt that. He’s probably meeting the Tooth Fairy and Jack Frost at the local pub right now doing shots of Jameson and hitting the bottle – this would be why there are no Cadbury Mini Eggs to be found anywhere…I’m going to tell the Easter Bunny what I tell a lot of my clients – if you want to get anything done and done right, you’ve got to stay off the sauce. If you can’t stay off the sauce, you’re going to disappoint yourself and children everywhere who were relying on you, to supply them, with their one time of the year chocolatey treats, only found in Cadbury Mini Eggs... (and the occasional ones at Christmas don’t count, colored green and red like they're the typical run of the mill M&M's - they're just not the same ...) good going. Here’s what I’ve got…

1. I kid you not people, the Cadbury mini egg supply shortage is real. You can’t find them anywhere. I’ll cut the Easter Bunny some slack; I suppose it’s not all his fault. What I want to know is this…you have a major specialty item that comes out seasonally once a year, you’d think as the producer of said product you’d plan ahead for that. I’d have to imagine that the candy company doesn’t wait last minute to produce their best selling Easter product until like a month in advance, but what do I know? I’m not a chocolate or business expert. I understand that supply shortages are real everywhere and there are more important food items that actually hold nutritional value that one needs to survive, that’s not what I’m saying. But if we can’t complain about the lack of Cadbury Mini Eggs in The Weekly Antics, where all other nonsense is spoken of, where can we? We’re here to listen people, we are here for you…bitch away. We want our dam candy. Exhibit 1 photo cred goes to Tristan. Apparently he found what may be the only Cadbury mini eggs around anywhere...nice Tristan, we know how it is...

2. Do you suppose there’s maybe one guy, or maybe a committee who dropped the ball on the Cadbury Mini Egg production? If so, we’re going to need names. This cannot be allowed to happen again next year. Get it together.

3. Ran across this while my search for Cadbury Mini Eggs was in progress. Kellogg's Limited Edition Peeps Cereal. Again, I’m no expert, but I’m thinking this can’t be good for you so the nerd that I am, I looked it up. Compared to General Mills Lucky Charms, the Peeps Cereal nutritional information is similar…Per one cup of cereal, Peeps holds 26 carbs, 13 sugars and 1 Protein per 1 1/3 cup. Lucky Charms 30 carbs, 12 sugars and 3 grams of protein per 1 cup. So I figure you’ve totally blown nutritional sense on Easter anyway, despite the lack of the candy we can't find mentioned above, you may as well splurge and grab that box of Peeps cereal for your kids. They’re going to be bouncing off the walls anyway, you can at least feel better about yourself as a parent if they’re washing all that sugar down with some milk. Exhibit 2 Peeps Cereal. CVS on West Boylston Street in the seasonal aisle is where it's at...where you will find all of your Easter needs, except of course Cadbury Mini Eggs.

4. Thinking about Easter brings me once again, back to the Easter Bunny. Now let me ask you this…have you ever seen a not absolutely horrifying Easter Bunny get up? Think back to your own picture with the Easter Bunny as a kid and that experience, and then think again how despite remembering that your parents horrified you with this timely tradition, you then went ahead and did the same to your own children. I have never seen an Easter Bunny get up that isn’t completely 100% frightening. What are we doing to our children? Explains a lot, doesn’t it? Exhibit 3, a random Easter bunny pic off the internet. I'll admit this one's not so bad, but you should've seen all the others I had to choose from.

5. This year Easter coincides with April vacation for those children who live in Massachusetts. Until I was an adult, I had no idea that this isn’t a vacation that’s enjoyed by children all across our country. Why does Massachusetts get an additional week off from school while some states do not? Let’s investigate further…for starters, we have Patriots Day which of course is also Marathon Monday, and of course on Marathon Monday the Red Sox play. That alone is reason for an entire week off – baseball's back, no need to discuss this any further.

6. Here’s a little known fact…Patriots Day/Marathon Monday is my brother Ronnie Miller’s least favorite day of the year. This has nothing to do with him not appreciating the first shot heard around the world that was ultimately the beginning of our fine nation. This is not because he does not appreciate the pain and suffering the runners put themselves through running up Heartbreak Hill during the Marathon. This is due to the fact that his day starts at about 3am while he and his co workers at Poland Springs are preparing to provide an ample supply of water to the Marathon runners so they stay properly hydrated. No, his disdain for Marathon Monday is not due to his not liking athletes, the Marathon runners themselves or the city of Boston. This has to do with having to navigate the streets of Boston in a big ass truck full of hundreds of gallons - or maybe thousands? I didn't want to ask him because of course we don't speak to him of this day - of water on the busiest most over populated day of the year in Boston. If you happen to run in to him on or before Marathon Monday, please bid him a Happy Patriots Day. The reaction you’ll get is fabulous, just remember to duck and run. Exhibit 4, a photo of Ronnie Miller for identification purposes should you see him a long the Marathon route.

7. If any of our readers are running the Boston Marathon this year, Good Luck and Godspeed, we wish you the best. Do not be disappointed that you will not see me running beside you. That ship has sailed friends – actually I’m not going to lie to you, that ship never left the dock - I only run from the cops, and I won’t even promise you that.

8. Easter, Patriots day, baseball season, April vacation…all fabulous events, unless of course you’re an allergy sufferer and feel like you can’t leave the house. You actually welcome the rain to wash all the pollen away and one would just assume get a chain saw and cut down every budding tree and bush in the neighborhood. Before you start cutting things down, here are some fun facts…you may look up and say, hmmm, not a bud to be seen on any tree in my yard, so why the hell do I feel like I have a vice on my head? Apparently we have the states of Virginia, North Carolina and Georgia to blame, and of course the wind. The wind is blowing the pollen from their budding foliage up our way, so before you destroy your own hood, bring yourself and your chainsaw to one of those states and cut their stuff down - this sounds like the perfect April vacation activity for you and the family. Forced family fun and productivity while serving the greater good. We like it.

9. Of course, it’s being reported that we should brace ourselves as this will be a horrible allergy season, or the worst one ever, which we are told every year. I don't recall a year where the weather people or pollen counters or bees or what have you, ever announced, relax people, this year will be great. Throw open your windows. Stop taking your zyrtec and nasal sprays, because guess what...the flowers and trees and grass have all figured out how to pollinate themselves and have decided to cut us some slack and not produce all the allergens that want to make us scratch our eyes out. Nope, never heard this. If you've lived here your entire life wouldn't you think you'd become immune to such allergens? I'm not a scientist or medical expert, but I can tell you that it doesn't work that way. Another fun fact, Global warming is to blame. The warmer it gets, the more pollen is floating around, in search of you, and your sinus’s to torment. So with that said, if you believe in climate change and global warming, it would in fact make sense, that allergy season gets worse and worse every year. Don’t believe me? Check this out.

https://www.wbur.org/news/2022/04/08/spring-allergies-massachusetts-tree-pollen-boston

10. And of course with the improving weather, you will see the Kap Pack out and about more often. No, we don't leave them out alone when not home, not so much because they can't be trusted, but because you can't trust people and strangers to be nice. They (Josie) will bark. They (Josie) has already worn a race track inside the yard against the fence. They (Josie) will hop around up against that fence like a whack - a- mole when you walk by. They (Josie) will attempt to defend her yard from blowing leaves, squirrels, chipmunks, birds, skateboards, the rain, the occasional spring snow flurry, high winds, bicyclists, tree limbs, Amazon, UPS, Fed Ex, oil delivery guy at our house and yours, walkers - by, solar panel sales people, and occasionally the replacement mailman. She's a dog. Dogs bark. She annoys me too, but you can't zap the dog and her instincts out of Pot Belly Pig Dog, we've tried and have learned to embrace her crazy over - protective vocal dog behavior. If you don't like it, pick another street and another corner to walk by, there are plenty - our fine city is lovely this time of year.

And last but not least, whatever you may be doing this fine middle week in April, remember this...although the tree pollen will be floating about we are expected to have glorious beautiful weather; many of you will have Good Friday off from work and school; many will also be lucky enough to have Monday off, being Patriots Day, Marathon Monday and a Red Sox game all rolled in to one; do not let the sunshine and leisure time mislead you - do not let your guard down... Saturday the 16th is our next full moon. Stay on your toes.

Have a great weekend!