Your Weekly Antics, Stay Out Edition...10-5-2023

Well kids, here we are in the first week of October even though it feels like August. Hope you've banged out of work and are off doing something fun and enjoying this beautiful weather. Seems like a good time to make one last trip to the beach before the cold weather is upon us or, you can venture off and start doing all those fun filled fall activities. Before you grab your pumpkin flavored drink or pull out your flannels in the event it gets below the 70 something degrees we're having to venture off to do all things fall, read on. Here's what I've got...

1. For all you leaf peepers out there, you best check the local news reports and potential road closures before you gas up, punch in your addresses in to your GPS's, or go old school like Andrew St. Peter and pull out the old road atlas. Apparently due to the poor behavior displayed in recent years by those touristy types in search of the fall colors and photo ops, the locals of some of our beloved New England communities have taken a stand and gotten everyone banned from driving around their neighborhoods for the entire month of October. They've had enough of the tourists lack of respect for their property, taken their fall foliage full of all of their glorious colors and are keeping them for themselves. All it takes is one bad apple to spoil the bunch. One too many lawns have been parked on, lazy back country roads all clogged up with traffic, mail boxes turned over as well as rude comments made, before the residents of those communities decided they're over it. They've literally taken their leaves and gone home.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/vermont-town-banning-influencers-tourists-visiting-fall-foliage-rcna117413

2. Should you decide you're bound and determined to experience some fall foliage, perhaps you could take a ride to western mass instead. Should you venture that way in search of the beautiful colors Mother Nature has to offer, perhaps you'll find yourself in the Amherst area. If so, swing by AIC Alumni Raymond Berry Jr.'s White Lion Brewery Company. Tell him Andrea Lucy sent you.

3. Leaves. For you loyal followers of Leaf blowing, Lawn Mowing, Snow Blowing, Grampa Joe, here’s an update. He was seen mowing his lawn this week, possibly the last mow of the season, before he moves on and dedicates himself to leaf removal. We did find evidence that he’s already snuck out there with the leaf blower, ridding our corner of the 20 or so leaves that have fallen thus far, keeping the end of our driveway free and clear. Joe doesn’t mess around people and keeps on top of these things. He’s back people, Joe- is - back.

4. Last week myself and Jake ( Leaf Blowing Joe's stepson...) were both pulling up in front of our houses at the same time. Now don't get crazy, we weren't drag racing to get to our spots, we just happened to both turn down our street one after another. Therefore we both pulled up to our prospective houses at the same time. I should point out that this day in particular was trash day. The trash and recycling guys had already come and gone leaving our recycling bins astray in the street. Now's a good time to point out that I haven't hit or run over Joe's recycling bin in a few years, and his bins are in pretty good shape. Jake and I each had decisions to make. Do we stop in the street, park, get out of our cars and move those bins clearing our paths to park? Do we attempt to move those bins slowly with our vehicles? Or do we drive right in to them and blame the trash guys because we were both too lazy to get out and move them? Until someone produces the video from their door cam's to prove otherwise, Jake and I parked responsibly and efficiently. All trash bins remain in tact.

5. As a parent, you want the best for your kids. You hope you’ve taught them well and given them all the skills they’re going to need to survive on their own. This includes hoping they will in fact one day be able to fly the coop, move out, and go out on their own. I am no different than most parents, however, I may have different reasons for this and have plans for when my kids vacate the Kap house. I’m not planning on converting anyone’s bedrooms into a craft room or den or what have you. I’m not planning on taking any fancy trips or living the extravagant life of a middle-aged person who’s raised their children and is now looking for a new hobby. All I want to do when the time comes is go to the new dwellings of each of my children, when invited, and then steal every single roll of toilet paper I can find. Actually, let’s rephrase that. I don’t necessarily want to steal them; I just want to move them to a location in their homes where they'll never be able to find them until I’m damn good and ready to give up their whereabouts. This wish, dream, thought process, however you want to shake it, is a result of living the past 24 years going to use the bathroom and being left without one square of toilet paper on the toilet paper roll. I’m going to step it up a notch and be like Elaine Benes on crack. I won't be asking anyone if they can spare a square, I'll be taking all squares with me and hiding them.

***Side note...I should correct my last statement. I don’t plan on waiting for an invitation. I plan on going unannounced when they least expect it, that will be way more fun.

6. I have some close friends whose children are the same age as my own. Let me just put this out there…if any of you aren’t comfortable with doing as I described in #5, feel as if this is some kind of violation of the unwritten Mom laws, have a conscience or don’t want bad karma, have no fear, I am willing to go to each of your adult children’s homes and do this for you. That’s the kind of friend I am people, I’ll take one for the team. Start making a list of names and addresses, get me on their Christmas party invite list and consider it done.

7. Better yet, who needs an invitation or keys. We do not, because we are self sufficient grown women. We're Mom's, we are creative and resourceful. I haven't participated in any covert under the radar potential B&E's lately, or thrown Robyn Foley through any windows in like 25 years - I bet I could get Foley on board with this scheme and start heaving her through windows again in no time to do the work of Mother's everywhere - consider this just another extension of the work of the people. In short, we're not going to need keys, we've got you covered.

8. Does this sound like something Sue Miller would have done? Absolutely. Did she? No, she did not, but probably not for a lack of trying. I took a pro active approach when I moved out of the house and hid the toilet paper from her before she had the chance to hide it from me. Let there be no mistake about it. She wouldn’t have just hidden it, she would have taken it.

9. Exhibit 1, Gibson at dog class. This is a basic beginner dog class people. He's not being taught to jump through hoops or weave in and out of large orange cones. He's not spending hours at a time going through grueling lessons learning how to rescue people from burning buildings. He's not learning back flips, water sports, or how to jump high in the sky to catch a frisbie that has been lit on fire for dramatic effect. He is learning to sit, stay, walk nicely on a leash and to listen. This is him just about the entire class. If he's not sleeping, he's doing the bare minimum for a treat.

10. Here's when Gibson looks alive. Exhibit 2, going through the Dunkins drive thru for his pumpkin munchkins. That's where all the pumpkin munchkins are going kids - he may very well be responsible for the pumpkin munchkin shortage that is keeping the rest of you from enjoying your cool refreshing ice spice lattes. Sorry Ben Affleck, you were wrongly accused.

And last but not least...leaf peepers, stay out of trouble!

Have a great weekend!