Your Weekly Antics Snowpocolypse Edition...1-27-22

Well kids, I hope you’re all prepared for the first snowpocolypse of the season that’s heading our way. All the local weather forecasters have been losing their minds with all their snow predictions for this upcoming weekend. They’ve been showing us their charts, graphs, probable wind gusts, snowfall estimates; there's a new full moon coming, astronomical high tides expected; will it be a blizzard, a coastal storm, a major winter event or a Nor'easter, and the timeline of these specifics in order for one or the other to occur. I hope for the sake of weathermen and women everywhere in New England that their predictions come to fruition and we get slammed with something because let’s face it, if we don’t, we’ll be the first to tell them they all suck, and no one likes to be told that they suck at their job. Except me, I don’t care, have at it…Here’s what I’ve got…

1. So what if our local weathermen and women get a little worked up? Their life's work is watching and predicting the weather. You all know as well as I do God forbid we get so much as a quarter of an inch of snow on any given day and Harvey Leonard and Kevin Lemanowitz don’t warn us about it. If they fail to mention this, it’s on like the Salem Witch Trials of the 1600’s and we’ll threaten to burn their houses down - that’s a lot of pressure people. The least we can do is show them some respect, heed their warnings and go out and grab our milk and bread or beer and chips and hunker down. Don’t go crying to them when you’re snowed in and you’re outta beer. That’ll be your own dam fault. Be smarter than that.

2. Dress for the weather. You live in New England people, I'd like to think that we're better prepared than most and know a thing or two about the elements such as cold, wind, slush, rain and snow. I'm generally a heavy sweater type wearing individual and like to skip the coat all together. I tend to dress in layers or at least try to pretend and go through my daily routine of wearing my coat when I leave the house, getting aggravated that I'm all bundled up once I'm seated and buckled in to the battle wagon, and then throw the van in park, get out, take the coat off and toss it on the front seat like it's just accosted me. However, this is Worcester, therefore nothing surprises me anymore. I received this from one of the Antics faithful readers this week - some clown hopping out of his car wrapped in a blanket. Now that - that my friends takes laziness to an all new level. For crying out loud someone buy that guy a snuggy or a comfy or whatever the hell it is you call it that everyone under 30 seems to own these days. He's out there following instructions, running to the packy prepping for the snowstorm wrapped in his Gramma's finest afghan. Get it together buddy. You lose or ruin Gramma's blanket and you have bigger problems than running out of booze during a snowstorm.

#dontmesswithgramma

3. Snow blower Joe, we all know he lives for this kind of weather event, and unlike last weekend, he’ll be here in the hood, snow blower at the ready, waiting for the first flake to fall. Last weekend he ventured off for a temporary reprieve and in the middle of night one of his absence all hell broke loose. Pot Belly and Remy were left to defend our corner and I hate to say it, Remy slept through it. In her defense however, she had her hands full keeping watch over her kid and her cat and her house while the shenanigans went down here on our little corner of the street. Pot Belly stepped up to the plate and scared the hooligans away who were smashing car windows and causing havoc. She was rewarded with pancakes and eggs for keeping the middle kids Subaru safe and I have since cut her a bit of slack for a job well done. I’ll admit it, sometimes she’s a good little Pig.

Exhibit 1 Josie, a.k.a. Pot Belly Pig Dog.

4. While Pot Belly Pig Dog was up fending off intruders the other three dead beats slept. Eventually Hannah and Goose got up to join the barking, but it certainly wasn’t because they were trying to defend us. Their barking was unsolicited and done blindly because naturally they had no idea what the hell was going on. My thoughts are they only joined in because they figured they should at least act the part and pretend to be useful.

Exhibit 2, deadbeats.

5. This brings me to Harley who is a different dog all together. Not only does she feel she has no reason to impress anyone, but made it abundantly clear that these shenanigans and Tom foolery were not worth her time or interruption of her slumber. Although Harley takes her job as defender of her yard seriously, she only does so between the hours of 9 to 4 and as I’ve mentioned in past Antics, she only works in weather above 62 degrees. Therefore, Harley was not participating in that nonsense and remained in the comfort of the middle kids bed under the covers. When she did bark I’m pretty sure it was only to tell the others to shut the hell up. She has no use for any of us.

6. The middle kids Subaru had a rough week. Not only did it almost fall victim to crime, but was then dive bombed by a disgruntled hawk while perusing down Lovell Street. Sue Miller was not just a passenger, but also a witness quickly pointing out that the middle kid ducked and shut her eyes while this all went down. Now's probably a good time to point out that the middle kid was the one driving.

7. Heads up…don’t underestimate Kiley. She told us all about the concerns involving Russia and the Ukraine while enjoying Shephards Pie at Sue Millers house the other night. And don’t underestimate her photo shopping skills. I personally think she has a future working for the FBI or the CIA or some other under cover type gig, but what do I know. I'm telling you - you heard it here first.

8. What Kiley's sister and cousins took away from this Ukraine discussion was the potential effects it may have on grocery supplies. I have no idea what they were talking about - all I know is I was tired and wanted my pj’s and bed. Those fools were talking about a possible potato chip shortage. Good thing they’re worried about ensuring they have adequate nutrition should there be a war. My take away from this dinner conversation you ask? They are bizarrely and overly concerned with potato chips. What can I say? They’re weird kids.

9. Fun fact…Kolby hates corn, yet she requested Shephards Pie for dinner. She informed me that she doesn’t like and/or fears anything involving corn and proceeded to inform me that this list includes and is not limited to...

Corn on the Cob

Cream Corn

Whole Kernel Corn

Cornfields - all cornfields, not any one in particular.

Corn mazes, all of them.

Scarecrows

Corn stalks

Candy Corn ( sorry Parenteau…)

and ... various shades of yellow.

But, she likes popcorn, go figure. For the hell of it I googled things I hate about corn and interestingly enough, there’s lots of information on the internet for those who hate corn... it’s like a revolution against corn. Who knew???

10. While some of us 50 something year old Mom's were sitting courtside at our girls basketball game recently, we were given some great advice. We were talking about some of the aches and pains and changes that come with being 50. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I'm happy to be on this side of the dirt, I'm just telling it like it is. She told us that she loved when she was in her 50's and we should too - to enjoy that our kids are more independent and don't need us as much - we can now venture out more - we have some of our freedom back. Most important, we should appreciate that we can still see in the dark to drive at night. Words of wisdom from one of Worcester's more famous Grandmothers, Nancy Curtin, 1-21-2022. Best advice ever, so live it up!

And last but not least...in all seriousness friends, heed the advice of our faithful weather people, prepare and stay home. Hopefully you can hang out in your pj's most of the day and enjoy watching the flakes fall - on Sunday go out and make yourselves a snowman or a bunch of snowballs that you can then launch at your neighbors houses or some unsuspecting passers by. Take it easy out there, remember you're not 20 something anymore, take breaks while shoveling. Hydrate. Eat. No one wants to find you passed out in a snow bank and honestly, EMS has enough to worry about without having to scrape you up off the side of the road, so get it together. Check on your neighbors and take care of each other. Make sure your dryer vent is shoveled out and for crying out loud, don't leave your dogs outside.

Have a great weekend!