Your Weekly Antics - No Scoop for You Edition...5-5-2022

Happy Thursday kids, believe it or not, we're already in May. Now I know that many of us continue to work hybrid schedules, some days in the office, some days at home, so I hope you planned accordingly as today is Cinco de Mayo (and Kevin Palla's Birthday...) - should you feel the need to celebrate by hitting the Tequila in honor of this holiday, I hope you've been wise enough to do so at home instead of doing shots at your desks. Believe it or not, according to google, Cinco de Mayo is more celebrated in the United States than in Mexico...what can we say? Americans like any reason for a party involving booze in the middle of the work week. Here's what I've got...

1. You know when you take a 20lb bag of dog food and empty it into your large dog food container you keep at the top of the basement stairs and realize after dumping it in there that you forgot to remove the scoop? That sucks. You know when you get to the bottom of that container and it’s time to dump a new 20 lb bag of dog food in to that same container and you once again forget to remove that scoop? That sucks too. No scoop for you.

2. The customer is always right, or are they? I’m thinking that back in the day when this verse was the mantra of so many successful businesses, we were a kinder, gentler society, weren’t hiding behind social media, and we weren’t blaming ones lack of social skills, courtesy, and empathy towards our fellow man, all on the Pandemic. Get it together people. If you can’t go in to a local coffee shop and order yourself a coffee and a donut without being a complete jackass to the kid behind the counter working for minimum wage, stay the hell home. It’s easier to be kind than it is to be a total loser. Again, clearly that moron never worked at Spag’s.

3. Tipping. If you go out for a meal or what-have-you, tip. Don’t be a jerk. Making it a habit not to tip, or barely tip, says a lot about a person. If you have an especially kind server, tip well. If you get one that’s not so happy or in a bad mood, you still tip. Maybe your server is having a bad day. Maybe they just got harassed by another table because those patrons weren’t happy with their meal? Maybe their Grandmother got run over? Maybe their dog died? Maybe their Grandmother ran over their dog and that's why their dog died? The scenarios are endless people, work with me. Bottom line, cut them some slack…at least they’re working. If you don’t want to tip, or don’t plan to tip, stay the hell home and cook your own meal. Don’t be a jerk.

4. Silverware…for anyone keeping track, I’m back down to 12 forks. 12. Some people have issues with missing socks, we have issues with missing silverware. Now just because you're missing silverware does not mean you start stealing silverware from the restaurant you just left where I'm assuming you also left a generous tip. Generously tipping does not give you unlimited access to the restaurants silverware. If you start doing that, they too will be forkless which may negatively effect the wait staffs ability to provide you with efficient service when you return to that restaurant to order your next meal. If you receive bad silverware-less service, you may then be tempted to lower the percentage of the next tip you dole out. Don't do it - See the vicious circle here people? All because someone somewhere can't stop stealing or misplacing the dam forks. Get it together for crying out loud. *** Now may or may not be a good time to admit some of you may have a stray Cactus Pete's steak knife out there hidden in the abyss of your kitchen cabinets. Your secret is safe here at The Antics, as long as you pay it forward and redeem this infraction by tipping well moving forward...

5. Those of you suffering from allergies these past weeks, we at The Antics feel your pain. Nothing like feeling like hell when the weather’s gorgeous and you know you should be outside, but that wouldn’t be in your best interest unless you don’t mind your eyes swelling shut for the remainder of the day. This right here in exhibit 1 is what makes allergy season worth it here down on my corner. It is in fact Magnolia tree season and we love this Magnolia tree more than any other tree around, including dare I say, the Christmas tree.

6. With the above said, I'd like to ask...why, during the peak of the worst allergy season thus far, when we have the very first nice day and your grass is finally green and filling in, do you have to pull out the lawn mower?

And then proceed to mow, and mow and mow again as if that one tiny out of place blade of grass was bothering anyone? Give it a rest and put the dam lawn mower away before I run over it and it ends up in tiny smashed up little pieces. You have 6, possibly 7 whole months left to mow your dam grass. Give it a rest and wait for the pollen to settle down.

7. Went to see Gramma Edie this week. She was not impressed with her mask, the visiting room, the staff, her accommodations, the weather, her upcoming 100th Birthday, the day of the week, her hair, her hearing - or lack thereof – the food, the lack of alcohol served, the cookies we brought, or us. Just a regular Tuesday kids... Exhibit 2 Gramma Edie right before we were given the boot...

8. Here's a little unknown fact and tidbit of information for you...one of my favorite shows is Chronicle. Go ahead, make fun of me, judge me if you must, I'm not afraid to speak the truth. During an episode from who knows when, they spoke of a place called Ponyhenge, an assortment of old rocking horses that are displayed on the side of the road in a field located in Lincoln MA. Because we had all sorts of extra time on our hands no thanks to being shown the door sooner than later during our visit to Gramma Edies, I decided to take a little detour and found ourselves heading to Lincoln to see what this gem of an urban legend called Ponyhenge was all about. And here it is, Exhibit 3, our first hand in person account of Ponyhenge. Don't drive by too fast or you'll miss it. Check it out...

https://roadtrippers.com/magazine/ponyhenge-lincoln-massachusetts/

9. Mourning doves. Just wondering why more of them don’t get run over because they’re always meandering about the side streets giving no mind or a care in the world to any oncoming traffic, or foot traffic, or runners, or kids on bikes. They just go about their business, whatever that may be, paying no attention to their surroundings or whatever the hell may be going on. I’m pretty sure they could get scooped up by a cat or a coyote or something and still not bat an eye. According to allaboutbirds.com, they are described as …”A graceful, slender-tailed, small-headed dove that’s common across the continent. Mourning Doves perch on telephone wires and forage for seeds on the ground; their flight is fast and bullet straight. Their soft, drawn-out calls sound like laments. When taking off, their wings make a sharp whistling or whinnying. Mourning Doves are the most frequently hunted species in North America…” Whoever is responsible for this information has clearly not met Worcester’s Mourning Doves because this does not meet the description of any street dove you’ll find here in the hood. And no Angel, before you say it, I am not mistaking the Mourning Dove for the regular run -of- the- mill city pigeon. I’m not a dope.

10. We have new ID/fobs at ESW kids...we've hit the big time. We will now have a fancy updated ID with a built in fob rolled in to one - not only will these ID's provide identification to the general public, thanks for that...but we will now be able to use our fabulous new ID's as a fob to access our building. Very exciting news. My time flying under the radar and acting as if I am in witness protection has come to an abrupt halt. Thank you Gavin. Parenteau puts in her retirement papers and all hell breaks loose, I much prefer when no one knows who I am...you get in less trouble that way.

And last but not least - drink responsibly people, we've got one more day left in the work week.

Have a great weekend!