Your Weekly Antics It's Raining Dogs and Dogs and Dogs Edition...10-28-2021

It’s been raining all week kids and we have 15 paws…count them, 15 paws in this house who are tracking up my floors and leaving paw prints everywhere. Not all of those paws care to be outside in this God forsaken weather - only 11 of those paws like to play in the mud, bring in sticks and leaves, dig holes for the rain to fill and then lie and roll around in natures mud bath. The monsoon type weather only contributes to the uptick in the havoc they generally cause in the yard, only unlike on dry days, they aren't able to keep their wet and muddy selves contained. We’re going through a lot of towels and doing a lot of floor washing this week. And then of course there's the shaking, so there’s been a lot of wall washing here too. Despite all that I still like my dogs more than most people...here's what I've got...

1. You’ve all heard about the youngest in the Kap pack, Goose. Goose, like many youngest children, is a big baby, but, she’s the only dog not hassling me to play in the rain, but rather thinks there's something I can do to stop it. She sits at my feet staring at me trying to use her mind powers to get me to do something about the weather. She is not impressed by the wet conditions or the high winds. She is just as unimpressed that we have not adjusted the bathroom accommodations due to the weather and is extremely put out that she’s still expected to act like a dog and go outside. Please see Exhibit 1, Goose and her stare down.

2. So for those of you who are regular readers of The Antics, you’ll remember my description of our front and back doors as well as the front and side yards. The side yard is prime real estate for the Kap pack where they can run and frolic, dig holes, Pot Belly knocks the pickets down, and they can survey their hood with unleashed abandon. Well not on rain days, especially rain days that are a week long. They are banished to the back yard that is much smaller and contained and does not provide them with mud puddles and such for them to role in. They don’t understand this and look at me like I’m depriving them of their dog- like rights to frolic in the rain. They turn in to a bunch of bullies. Exhibit 2, Goose begging to get in, and Pot Belly trying to get the others to sneak out. Please note all of her paw prints on the glass.

3. Pot Belly – Pot Belly’s extended family Booed her this week kids. Just because you’re a dog doesn’t mean you can’t participate in seasonal Halloween fun. Please see Exhibit 3

4. Breaking and entering…the Kap pack is a bunch of jerks. A friend of mine recently came to my house using the spare key I left out for her because we weren’t home. Do you think one of these dogs tried to protect the house? Of course not, they all hid. Except Harley who just proved she doesn’t have one loyal bone in her body. She was ready to leave with our unsupervised guests, hop right in their car and go wherever they were going. In all fairness, I’m thinking that to Harley, all cars lead to Dunkins.

5. Driving down 190 last week I saw this. Now it's a bad picture and you can't actually see the print, so you're going to have to trust me on this one. This car, with what appeared to be college aged kids in it, had writing all over the windows asking for donations for their road trip with their Venmo info listed. Apparently this is a new thing and I have to say, I think it's brilliant. I'm thinking this can be a new trend in the Protective Services Department. We can write our Venmo's on the side of our cars while we're out doing the work of the people. #RoadTripFundraising.

6. Where was I coming from driving down 190 you ask? I was coming home from visiting Gramma Edie. I went armed with her favorite, cider donuts from Wilsons Farm, with hopes of getting in her good graces. Apparently donuts are a hot commodity in the Nursing Home and once she made sure that they were properly secured to prevent their theft, I was quickly dismissed. She reminded me that she's hard of hearing, can't hear a dam thing I'm saying, so no need for me to stick around. Awesome. See you next week.

7. You never know who you'll see or meet on a home visit people. While out at an elders house earlier in the week, the doorbell rang and in walks a guy who looked like he'd just been transported there by time machine circa 1985 or perhaps had taken the Delorean from Back to the Future out for a spin. If I thought I wouldn't have gotten myself killed or sued I would've taken his picture, but he wasn't in a picture taking mood, so you're just gonna have to take my word for it and use your imagination.

8. Let's not forget it's Halloween on Sunday. Because I'm always looking out for all of you, I figured I'd get the Trick - or Treating facts for you, save you the time of looking them up for yourself. Worcester is recommending that Trick - or - Treating take place between 4pm and 7 pm on Sunday night. Other suggestions include social distancing, wearing masks both trick - or - treaters and candy - hander- outers, pre packing the candy in to grab -and - go bags you're handing out, give candy out on a plate rather than allowing the little germ breeders, I mean trick or treaters, to reach their hands into the bottom of the candy bucket. Also, such establishments as Polar Park and the Canal District are holding Trick - or Treating and Halloween festivities, all sorts of good stuff. That's your PSA for this week kids, you should be able to find plenty of things for your little costume wearing trick or treaters to do. Have at it.

9. Or, those of you with trick or treating aged children, you may consider going old school...letting your kids loose on your neighbors, or better yet, someone else's neighborhood allowing them to run through the streets unsupervised, without flashlights, using pillow cases as their trick or treat bags, dressed as vampires or bats or some other costume that will be made of the darkest colored fabric ever so that not one car will see them. If you don't have something black to dress them in, make sure you dress them in something flammable, or long because what kid doesn't want to fall off a curb spilling their pillow case full of candy on the street on Halloween? Even better, maybe you can buy them one of those wonder woman or batman masks from your youth off of Ebay ... you know the ones - the plastic masks that barely had eye holes cut out for you to see, and because they were probably made of some chemical laced plastic they made you sweat to death even if it was freezing out. Don't bother telling them not to jump in every leaf pile on the side of the road that someone spent all weekend raking, explaining those piles were not put there for their entertainment but for the fall leaf collection, in addition to being dangerous because cars won't see them and will run them over. Remind them it's a school night, so they should probably try to start making their way back home around 8 - 8:30 before the elderly neighbors call the cops. Then of course tell them not to eat one piece of candy until they get home for you to inspect for potential hazards like stickers laced with drugs or pins stuck in their reese's peanut butter cups, or some other kind of contraband that will kill them. Anyone who grew up Trick - or - Treating in the 70's and 80's, tell me the above isn't totally spot on...and guess what? We lived to tell about it.

10. All this rain in the forecast has put a real damper on Leaf Blowing Joe's clean up of the hood. If things don't start looking up, he'll miss leaf season all together, have no transition time and go right in to Snow Blower Joe mode...but don't despair. I have big plans to keep Joe occupied and forget all about his lack of leaf blowing time. Joe doesn't know it yet, but he will be assisting me in creating havoc in the hood for Halloween, what can I say? I'm a giver. Please see Exhibit 5, Joe de-leafing the hood in dryer sunnier times.

11. And last but not least - if anyone sees Ronnie Miller tomorrow make sure to wish him a Happy Birthday. Don't forget to mention to him that I'm the the funnier and better looking of the Miller siblings - Best Birthday present ever.

Have a great weekend!