Your Weekly Antics - Get it Together Edition...12-9-2021

Well kids, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but we’re surrounded by idiots. No easy way to say it, so I’m ripping off the proverbial band aid and just saying it as it is…it’s been one of those weeks and despite all this fa la la la la BS, the truth is, people are still rotten and not so nice. I’m here to tell you if you’re one of those people, get it together. The world is full of enough crazy and nonsense, we don’t need any more of yours so do us all a favor, get your act together and quit being a jerk- If you’re not gonna be nice then do us all a favor and go the hell home. Don’t come out again until you’ve adjusted your attitude. It’s really that simple. Here’s what I’ve got….

1. Photo’s…well kids, Beet doesn’t disappoint and she’s back to wandering the streets of her hood when she’s not working saving lives. They fit right into the theme this week and can be found scattered throughout the Antics. Beet’s a giver people and always finding ways to spread cheer for the greater good. Here are some of the latest things she's seen while out on her adventures, some have been censored to not offend those who may not appreciate the use of swearing like the rest of us do. Exhibit 1 - Beet showing off her skills - not sure if this would be a good time or not to point out that she works for the government...

2. I am here to let you know that it's perfectly acceptable to provide yourself with your own intervention from time to time. It’s okay to admit that for whatever reason, there are, and will be times, that you have absolutely no business leaving the house and should probably scurry home before you say or do something you’ll regret. I’m not necessarily saying you’re going to haul off and go completely bonkers, but if the world is annoying you that much it’s okay to say, you know what…I’m not doing it today. Go home and grab yourself a nice cup of tea, or coffee, a shot of whiskey or all of the above, hunker down and binge watch some show on Netflix or something. You’ll feel better, and the rest of us will appreciate your proactive approach to keeping your bad attitude to yourself.

3. I ran in to Home Depot the other day and was having trouble finding the houseplants (don’t ask…). I went to the main entrance where there was an older gentleman using paper towels and hand sanitizer disinfecting a motorized scooter while an elderly woman was sitting patiently waiting. While doing so, he was directing another customer to an item he was looking for. I waited until this gentleman was done helping the customer before me and then asked for his help. He stated he wasn’t sure if Home Depot still sold houseplants, and referred to the elderly woman in the scooter, asking her. She responded, I believe they do, but they’re way down in the back. The man, still not sure, tried to ask another worker who shrugged his shoulders and walked away. The woman tells the man, go ahead, I’ll be fine, help her find the house plants… I insist no, that’s okay, I’ll find them, and the woman won’t hear another word about it and points this man in the direction of where she thinks she needs to send us. Long story short. The man was Jerry. Jerry doesn’t work at Home Depot and has probably been long retired from working with the people. Jerry made the mistake of getting hung up at the entrance being a good husband sanitizing the stores motorized scooter his wife was going to use, all while wearing an orange sweatshirt. Mark my words, for as good as Jerry was, he’ll never wear an orange sweatshirt to Home Depot ever again, and learned the hard way not to make eye contact with other fellow shoppers. Jerry probably got up that morning thinking he was going to sneak out of the house to make a quick run to Home Depot only to be stopped dead in his tracks by his wife who insisted on joining him on this outing. Bad enough he had his wife in tow but then ended up helping the likes of me as well as any other customer who came along. Moral of the story… Jerry could’ve been a jerk - he could’ve said, listen up lady, I don’t work here, skip a long. But instead he didn’t. He was kind. So next time you feel like acting like a jerk while out shopping, think of Jerry…Everyone should be like Jerry.

#belikejerry

4. Q tips have been officially banned from the Kap house. They’re right up there with glitter and unless someone living here is performing surgery that requires pristine precision and the use of a small cotton topped stick, the next time I see a Q tip floating around I’m going to lose it. As soon as a package of Q tips is opened it’s like all bets are off and the anarchy begins. God forbid anyone should properly seal the package from where the Q tips came, or put them in a new resealable reusable container …ya know, like the one that I have supplied these free loaders with right in the bathroom. As soon as the seal is opened on that package all hell breaks loose and it’s like a Q tip invasion. They end up on the floor of the linen closet, the bathroom, the kitchen, and they never find their proper way to the trash. I’m putting my foot down. No. More. Q tips. Here are some reasons to stay the hell away from them, not just because they annoy me and I said so, but according to the Washington Post, Q tips are bad news. Sorry Johnson & Johnson, I'm just saying it as it is...

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/01/20/we-have-a-q-tips-problem/

5. While I'm at it, Saran Wrap, plastic wrap, whatever you want to call it, has been banned from the Kap house too. Unless we're using the devils plastic to make a Saran Wrap ball to torment my kids and the nieces and nephews on Christmas, then there is absolutely no reason for that crap to ever find it's way into my house. And even then, Satans plastic wrap never crosses the threshold of the Kap house, it's brought to Helens where all the Saran Wrap Ball wrapping magic happens. I just throw things at her and she wraps it up - even Helen knows enough not to let me near it...I can't rip it. I can't keep it straight. I ruin the whole roll in record time. It takes a special kind of coordination to use that stuff that I am not ashamed to admit I do not possess. Now, If you want to talk about Robyn Foley's Gram Mrs. Daly, God rest her soul, back in the day, she knew what was what. Mrs. Daly was a Reynolds Wrap and paper towel lady all the way - that I can get behind. Saran Wrap, nope - deserves to be banned. It sucks and it's stupid. Google it...you'll find I am not in the minority and many share the same sentiment. #saranwrapsucks

6. Do not ask me where something is if you haven’t looked for it yourself yet. 9 times out of 10 whatever it is you’re looking for is exactly where it should be therefore there should be no reason for you to bother me with such mundane questions. Things are not regularly stolen or purposely misplaced around here – all you have to do is quit talking and just look for yourself. Get it together.

7. Here's something else one shouldn't bother me with. Do not ask me for help with Math. I’m a Social Worker. If I could do more than add, I’d be working for NASA instead of hitting the pavement doing the work of the people. Ask Google. Call Sam. Sam knows Math. That's all the help you're getting out of me, my work here is done.

8. It’s come to my attention that the person in charge of the music at Doherty High School during gym and practices is old, out of date, needs a better selection of music or overall better taste in music in general. The child making such statements may be my offspring, but I’d hate to throw her under the bus ( or would I…) therefore, this child will remain anonymous, for now. But go ahead kid…keep on ranking on the tried and true tunes of the 80’s and gloves will eventually come off. And not for nothing, the person in charge is my age or younger, so now you’re really playing with fire.

9. Buffalo wings, fries, sushi, and milk. All items one should not consume prior to a two hour basketball practice. Eating such will make the nuisance of having to listen to 80’s music the least of your problems. I’m not going to lie to you…the fact that this kid didn’t throw up during practice is nothing short of a Christmas miracle and she should be commended for her ingestion accomplishments. This was not the youngest Kap kid, but her teammate. We no longer ask Meri how her practice was when she gets home, our real interest lies in what her teammate ate, and did her cast iron stomach finally betray her, or did it survive to be tested another day. Now don't all act like you're not the least bit interested in how this all works out... I’ll keep you posted on other pre practice and pre game snacks throughout the season. You’re welcome.

10. Jubilee Roll. If you see any, Andrea would like a case please. Apparently they're a hot commodity and hard to find, who knew. While trying to make my friends dreams come true, I took to the internet and I found that Friendly's is no longer producing the Jubilee roll due to a drop in customer demand. I don't know what kind of fresh hell that is, but Friendly's definitely ruined the Christmas season for my reindeer hitting friend...Dam you Friendly's - thanks for nothing. You don't believe me? Check this out...

https://www.wwlp.com/news/local-news/hampden-county/friendlys-not-producing-jubilee-rolls-this-year/

And last but not least, feast your eyes on this...you haven't heard much about Pot Belly Pig Dog in awhile, well you're gonna hear about her now. Apparently she's got some pent up aggression and hostility towards some of my yard decor like my poor porch reindeer. Or, like Andrea, is distraught over the nations loss of the Jubilee roll and my reindeer caught the brunt of it. This son of a bitch ate his antler. Not sure what the hell that reindeer did to Pot Belly, but she wasn't happy. And this my friends is why we at the Kap house can't have nice things...

Have a great weekend!!!