Your Weekly Antics...Gathering of the 02 and Epic Adventures Edition…8-12-21

Well kids, I attended a reunion of sorts this past weekend with old friends from the 02. Nothing like getting together with people you haven’t seen in 25+ years and before you know it, you’re observing the same harmless name calling, nicknames and tales that shaped your youth. The shenanigans were mild, nothing like these fools used to pull back in the day, because let’s face it, we’re all old and our knees, backs and who am I kidding, entire bodies, just can’t take it. I guess we’ve all matured over time because the gathering started early and only the die hards stayed late. The rest of us are all too familiar with our limits and I was home and in my jammies by 10pm, which was way past my bedtime. Here’s what I’ve got…

1. Heading out to this epic event, Helen provided the transportation. Ronnie drove because no 6 foot something guy wants to squeeze himself in to the back seat of a Jeep Renegade. Driving up Dead Horse Hill Helen says, Ronnie, turn down the AC, I need gas. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought Sue Miller was in the car.

2. Ronnie again – Helen…how can you drive this thing with the drivers seat so low to the ground? Helen, I always drive with my seat like that…I dunno, maybe because my Dad was a race car driver… well that makes perfect sense.

3. The oldest Kap kid and my nephew Bryce set Sue Millers treadmill back up for her. All they needed to do was maneuver some things around in her recently renovated spare bedroom now laundry room and she was good to go. Middle Kap kid pointed out her concerns about Grammy using the treadmill and the possibility of the O2 tubing getting caught up in the walking belt while she's putting in her steps. Ronnie’s response…Natural Selection. I’m gonna leave that one right here for all of you to reflect upon...yet he’s the favorite – go figure. #irishsons

4. Here’s why we need to bring back some of our old sayings and movie phrases for the greater good of today’s youth. This video documents how obvious it is that the phrase careful kid, or you'll shoot your eye out, was never spoken in my niece Kiley's presence, or more likely, she wasn't listening. This is what happens when you’re babysitting your younger cousins and decide to mess around with their NERF guns. Being one of Kiley's more classic moments, this will be kept in the vault to use against her many years from now when she least expects it. Please see exhibit 1.

5. Elevators...anyone been in the elevators at 300 Main Street? If you work in the Protective Services Department you have, dropping off paperwork to Attorney Eynon on the 3rd floor. There are two elevators, side by side. The one on the left cannot be trusted, I'm pretty sure is possessed and just messes with people because it has nothing better to do. Now, I have absolutely no proof, but what I will tell you is this - No way in hell, if it's the last elevator in the whole city, if my life depended on getting upstairs, will you ever see me in the elevator on the left - ever - I'll stand - I'll wait. And yes, don't be alarmed, but I will walk up the stairs before you will see me step foot in that elevator. I've got nothing but time to wait for the elevator on the right to descend, open its doors and bring me up safely. The one on the left? A different story all together, it likes to mess with people. You go to get in, the doors slam shut. While you stand there waiting for the elevator on the right to come down, the one on the left sits there with the doors wide open mocking you. You go to get in it, same thing, doors start to close, or worse, you're foolish enough to get in and it just stays there, doors open, until you try to leave. So either it's haunted, or someone in an office upstairs has a camera on that thing, a remote control and lots of time on their hands and just messes with people all day - I don't know about you, but my bet's on Mark Zarrow, just saying...think what you want, but do not trust it - avoid the elevator on the left. I don't want to have to be the one who told you so.

6. The youngest Kap kid was found on the deck minding her own business trying to enjoy a late afternoon snack of Goldfish crackers. Her Father thought he was being smooth sneaking out behind her trying to make a sneak attack on the bag and help himself. Meri sensed the pending attack and all I heard from the driveway was, back off seagull.

7. As Parents, there are many times we find ourselves commenting on items that we see or hear about and our kids look at us like we’re nuts. We make the random comment honestly thinking that we may be voicing an opinion that our offspring may agree with, relate to or actually care about and are shot down faster than the idea leaves our mouths. Take this for instance. The youngest and the oldest Kap kids are talking about the latest popular Nike sneaker that was getting ready to drop. This sneaker dropping and selling and reselling is a whole thing involving apps and trips to stores out of the zip code, holding on to the sneakers until the demand is high, etc. Poor Al makes the mistake of mentioning a Nike sneaker he saw and read about and then gave his opinion that this particular sneaker looked cool and maybe they would be a hot item for reselling purposes. Meri didn’t agree. After a very brief exchange of reasoning why he liked said shoe, Meri simply said, Dad...the reason they won’t resell is because you’re like 50, only 50 year olds would buy them and the target audience is like 20. To sum that up, she think’s that not only are we old, but clearly lack any knowledge, common sense or style what-so-ever.

8. Went to lunch at Quinn's with the Kap kids, The Miller kids and Grammy. My nephew Bryce ordered a Quinns Burger. The Quinn’s Burger is described as such as you'll see in exhibit 2, listed in part of this Quinn's menu…A juicy half pound Angus burger char-grilled and topped with American cheese, lettuce, onion, pickles and our secret house sauce. My nephew Bryce placed his order...I’d like a Quinn’s Burger... Hold the lettuce, onion, pickles and sauce, I'd like the sauce on the side. Not for nothing, but I’m pretty sure that’s just a plain Cheeseburger, but what do I know.

9. Now this lunch date was loud. We're loud, the restaurant's loud, everything is loud. So naturally, I can't hear a dam thing - I can't hear for squat on a good day, never mind when I'm with this crew. Kolby who was fortunate enough to be seated next to me, had repeated herself about 10 times before she finally got tired of it and smartened up. Instead of saying the same thing over and over again to her favorite Aunt, she decided to mess with me a bit keeping herself entertained by communicating with me via song lyrics. It’s during these times that I am 100% confident she is part of my gene pool, the smart ass. “Then there was Pebbles, times was rough/ She was turning Trix, to get a Cocoa Puff.” LL Cool J 2008

10. Some days I wish that I could be a guest dispatcher at the Worcester PD. So when my client calls to report that there is an individual trespassing on and vandalizing his property, naming the person in question who is actually a fictional character in a Netflix crime series, I could respond with the name of the good guy on the show that he's referencing. For instance...you have Gustavo Fring harassing you? Hold tight, we're sending Jesse Pinkman over. Wayne Lowry is storing drugs in your garage? I'll let Detective Rayburn know, he'll be there in a sec. Our options are limitless people, sometimes you've just gotta embrace it and play along. Please note ... if I ever call from Zarrow's office saying I'm stuck in an elevator and one of you smart asses tells me you're sending McGyver, you're dead to me.

And last but not least, if the last 18 months has taught you anything, I hope you've at minimum learned if given the opportunity to get together with friends new and old, do it. Take that hour or two or five hour drive, hop on that plane, change those appointments and take some time off from work to get together with your buddies. It'll do your heart good. If you don't, I promise you this - you'll regret it.

Have a great weekend!