Your Weekly Antics Freeloading Traitors Edition...4-21-22

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter and those of you with kiddos at home you've been enjoying their week off from school. We're selfless givers here at The Antics, therefore we'll be sharing some words of wisdom bestowed upon us as well as some lessons we learned the hard way, in hopes that you'll learn from our mistakes. Listen up kids, here's what I've got...

1. What happens when you veer off the beaten path, switch things up a bit, and break with tradition? All hell breaks loose, that’s what - just ask the Kap kids. The Easter Bunny didn’t leave Easter baskets this year, instead decided to cut to the chase and left the much coveted and sought-after Cadbury Eggs, pulling them from his secret stash, in addition to some hard cold cash. Who knew that not placing those items in an actual Easter basket would cause such chaos? Live and Learn people - doesn't matter how old they are or what they say, the one time you don't pull out the Easter baskets, they'll call that Bunny out and will be looking for them. Next year - pull out the baskets.

2. Don’t say you don’t learn anything here at The Antics or that we’re not always looking out for you – did anyone see this? Good thing we wrote about Peeps Cereal last week giving you all another option to Lucky Charms, we may have actually saved your lives or at least some unwanted abdominal distress. And listen up Matt Noponen…if Lucky Charms were wiped off our shelves for all eternity, we have now given you another option. Don’t knock Peeps Cereal until you try it…Exhibit 1, reasons why you may have wanted to stock up on alternatives to your go - to sugary cereals…https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/18/business/lucky-charms-fda-investigation-illness.html

3. Holidays and food – why would Easter be any different from other holidays? We gather, we eat. Ham tends to be the meat offering of choice for Easter, so why would Sue Miller’s dining room table be any different? This year I was schooled on preloading the plate. This phenomenon is when one loads their dinner plate, strategically placing the side offerings leaving ample room for the meat portion of the meal to be sliced and prepped for serving. Not only does this allow you ample time to peruse and help yourself to the offered side dishes, but also keeps one occupied if hangry - hangry has been covered in past Antics, but to sum up, hangry can be described as when one is ready to take someone’s face off because they didn’t eat breakfast in preparation for Sunday dinner. We hope this information assists you in preparing for your next holiday gathering. Remember, pre load your plate.

4. Food offerings – because I’ve got nothing else to do, I got myself a bird feeder, the kind that suction cups to the window. Now I’ve done this for a few reasons. I’ll admit I like to watch the variety of birds that fly up to my window to help themselves to the bird food I’ve left out for them. I also like to watch those rotten squirrels try to figure out how they can reach the bird feeder, which has been placed on a window far enough away from any tree or bush so those little bastards can’t reach it. Most important, I enjoy watching Auggie the cat think she’s going to catch the birds. And of course, apparently I’m 100 years old and now sit around watching birds. Lesson - bird watching is for all ages people, don't judge me.

5. Update – the bird feeder has been removed no thanks to this son of a bitch. For starters, you all know how much I hate squirrels… a wise woman once referred to them as, “ Rats of the Trees…” Cathy Caracciolo, 4/20/22 – with that said, I am not contributing in any way shape or form to their food supply. Brazen little bugger, jumped from the magnolia tree, to the gutter, to the bush, to the windowsill – that is about 4 steps too close to jumping right in an open window and in to my house. A squirrel break in should be the least of my problems, but clearly the freeloaders who live here are not viewed as any threat to woodland creatures anywhere who should leave me and my birdfeeder alone. Freeloading traders as seen in Exhbits 2 and 3. If they like that squirrel so much, hop on out of that window. Traitor.

6. "I am 51 years old, I am not explaining myself to anyone..." True words spoken by none other than Sharon Landers - go ahead and question her, I dare you. She also owns her own golf cart. Someday she'll be able to drive my old ass around in that golf cart while I watch the birds...that's the kind of life long friend we all need and this is just one more thing to look forward to if you're lucky enough to grow old with your besties.

7. Wish them well and wish them away...that's another good one, words to live by, Diane Chandler, circa forever. Instead of wishing and hoping that misfortune, bad luck and a roof collapses down upon those who have wronged you, let this be your mantra instead. It takes too much time and energy for bad thoughts, so practice this and the Universe will take care of you. Trust me on this - Diane would never steer us wrong.

8. Forced family fun here in the 02 – the Kap kids gathered to color Easter eggs. Although there weren't any notes of mockery towards each other written on the eggs they colored as in Easters past, it was still a fun time had by all. Making fun- of’s were kept to a minimum, eggs were colored, no mutant eggs were produced and Meri was only referred to as the Angry Colorer on one occasion while making her attempts to make the ugliest egg. #Easteregggoals

9. In case you’re all wondering, Ronnie Miller had a fabulous Patriots day, spending 15 hours or more in the city of Boston schlepping water for the Marathon Runners. He can’t wait until next year kids…only 362 more days til next years Marathon Ron…362 more days. This is just an example of the fun and joy one can still experience when making fun of and harassing a sibling - it never gets old, no matter how old you may get.

10. Dad joke of the week..." What do you call a belt of watches? a waist of time..." The youngest Kap kid made her way to her room when this statement was made and hasn't been seen since. You don't want to see your teenager the entire April vacation? Come up with one of these lines...you won't see them until the following Monday of the next school week.

11. And last but not least, here's some karma for you - he who shall not be named, who I may or may not hold personally responsible for the missing utensils in the Kap house, forgot to pack himself a spoon in his lunch one day this week. As he was on the road for work, he wasn't able to tap in to his stash of plastic wear he keeps in his desk, which I bet aren't plastic at all, but are our silverware from home, to get himself the proper utensils to eat his breakfast...I would've paid good money to watch him attempt to eat his low cholesterol breakfast of quick oats and berries spoon-less. Lesson - quit losing your household silverware.

Have a great weekend!